Hi SK,

I don’t have much to add, but I did want to mention a great book, I have read it several times. It’s called “hurt, people, hurt people”. You can buy it online at Amazon, or bookstore or rent it from library. I too suffer from mental illness, a personality disorder, severe anxiety, PTSD, panic disorder and major depressive disorder. I am currently in intensive CBT and DBT counseling and 12 step programs. The books tells alot about why we hurt the ones we love and how to stop this cycle. I live in housing with others with mental health issues for disabilities, and have lent them this book, and they say it has helped them with control issues, they too, have Bi-polar. I am glad you are working on yourself and your marriage. Keep us posted.

Hi Macy,

Wow, that’s pretty juvenile, belittling to you and awful what they are doing. Clearly they have no sense of boundaries or respesct, and unfortunately, you became the brunt of it. I don’t know how you did it, but I think you are a very strong, beautiful and caring person for putting up with everything for so long.

There are alot of wonderful men out there who would leap at a chance to have someone caring in their children’s lives. This man is missing out. I’m so glad you made the decision you did.

Hi Tidea Janamori,

There is nothing wrong with you at all. You are just experiencing beautiful human feelings and emotions with someone you like very much, like we all do. I can’t say if he is the right or wrong man for you, because I don’t know him personally. But I think, it might make you feel better to make a decision if you really want a future with someone given everything you said about him. You had mentioned he gave you an ultimatum, it’s either his way or the highway, he has to have you now, or “bye”. That sounds like he has a very controlling and domineering nature.

Maybe, what might help is read over your posts and see the negative traits in him, that fuel your anxiety and doubts, and get out a peice of paper, make two columns. On the left, write “pros of a long term relationship with this man” and draw a line. On the right, write “cons with a long term relationship with this man, and put down everything you wrote in your posts to us. Perhaps this will give you more insight, and clarity. I really do wish you happiness with whatever you may decide, and a healthy relationship with a great man who values, respects and loves you.

Hi Rebecca,

Yes, I feel that pain can interfere with our well-being and moods. I am in the same boat. In the past two months, it seems like it is never ending, and now I am getting depressed because the bills from hospitals are coming in and x-rays. I am on SSDI disability, and only on medicare, and Medicare does not cover alot.

Over the course of two months, my chronic, severe back pain has gotten worse. (I had a bad fall off a horse during a horse jumping show, going over a large and talk water jump. I was an experienced rider, but I have the horse the wrong signals, the horse fell, and I fell hard breaking several vertebra in my my back and neck, in a coma. Since then I have been in Pain Management, on constant Epidural inhections, prescribed opioid and narcotics for pain, chiropractors.

I also from time to time get trigger point injections in my upper back. The opiods wreak havoc on your digestive system, and I have to take medication just to go to bathroom. I have to see a colon and rectal specialist this week, making me severly anxious. Now, I think I have two hernias that I have to get looked at, plus many other pains and problems, that interfere with the quality of my life. Yes, it can be depressing.

Hi Tidea Janamori,

I’m truly sorry, if you felt I did not read your post well. There was a lot to it, and I did my best with the information I could. Even if it is not Catphishing, and no matter how long you knew him, you mentioned at the beginning of your post about family betrayal. And it has to do with money.

Then he took money from you, saying he needed it for travel expenses to come and see you, yet you state he is “financially secure”. You then stated your own family was concerned because you have him money, because of what happened with money in the past? Am I getting this right?

Whatever it may be, this man took money from you. No man should be taking money from a woman. Has he paid you back, or said he would pay you back? He then said “it was to come to see you”. If he really wanted to “see you” he would have used his own money. Alot of red flags on this man, that I see, I would be very careful about him, no matter how much in love you may be. Something is not adding up. However, I stand by my opinion, and am speaking from the heart. I am trying to help you, and I’m sorry if I offended you in any way. Maybe others will post that can give you different viewpoints. But if you are feeling doubtful, anxious, wary, I would say, trust your intuition and gut. I wish you all the best.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Mark,

I too suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks. I liked what you had to say about “DARE. This has never been brought up to me in my therapy sessions. I like the thought about channeling “anxiety” into excitement. I’m trying to do that right now about an upcoming procedure, but not doing so well. Is this a book I can buy? Thanks.

Hi Isabella,

I believe, everyone makes mistakes. Now, if he did this again, or if he did this over and over, than, of course no, I would not go back to someone. But I have had friends who’s boyfriends, left them, came back, and they have been happily married for six years. I’m just saying, there is always hope if you still love him, and men/women take back people who left them all the time. I guess it’s forgiving. But, if the person has a habit of doing this, no, I would not take them back. Ultimately, the decision is yours.

Hi Sunseeker,

You’re welcome. I hope you are feeling a bit better? Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and feelings. I too, have no family. I live in a small city by myself. I only have two friends, if you can even call it that. One friend, lives in housing (for the disabled) with me. We go out maybe once, if we are lucky twice a month. Like me, she is on disability and only works part time, so neither of us have money to do much.

The other girl is another resident who lives here. She is Bi-polar, and it is hard to get her to focus on one on one conversation. So we just watch movies every two weeks. My father..last of my family passed in 2008. I lost my beloved cats when I filed for disability. I don’t smoke, but sometimes, just to have someone, anyone to talk to, I will sit outside with the smokers at the picnic tables and have small talk. I grew up around smokers, so cigarettes don’t bother me.

My other two friends live in Florida, but after I went on Disability, they call me maybe once every six months. I have no car. So, I too suffer from extreme loneliness and isolation.

Then one day, I got tired of thinking and obsessing about the “if only’s’ with this man I fell in love with online. I thought about him night and day. Probably because I was stuck in a rut and had nothing else to think about.

So, I thought, what is it I like and am passionate about? Well..I like to help people, so I get on here, and Quora and other forums and help people. I am also heavily involved with animal rescue, welfare, etc. I guess that is what keeps me going. Try to see what you are passionate about, and throw your heart and soul in it, and you will find the loneliness and that guy not on your mind so much. Keep us posted.