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Eliana

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Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 748 total)
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  • January 4, 2018 at 1:45 am in reply to: Advice Needed, please . #184965
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Munro,

    It is best to stay away, as best as possible from the whole situation. You have to remember this was an abusive relationship you had to endure. Please don’t feel sorry for this person, do any “warning” or have any contact. Let the courts and the police do what they need to do. They are going to need alot of help in the meantime, quality Psychotherapy, anger management, etc. This is not a situation you want to be involved in. Any time you start to feel sorry for them, remember, what you were put through. Best to have no contact, and find someone more emotionally stable. Wishing you a Happy New Year.

    January 4, 2018 at 1:30 am in reply to: I have feelings for my friend & he does too but doesn't want a relationship #184963
    Eliana
    Participant

    You’re welcome, post anytime..☺

    January 3, 2018 at 3:36 pm in reply to: Alone, in bad health, and depressed on Christmas eve. #184929
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi VJ,

    Thank you for your reply. I will take a look at the “You Tube Video” thank you for sending it. I only drink coffee, the day of the Laxative, I do know it’s dehydrating, but I make sure to drink plenty of water all day along with drinks with electrolytes. The coffee helps the Laxative. Otherwise I can’t flush. I know many people who have coffee 7 days a week..huge lattess, ventis, etc..mornings or they drink it all day. Fortunately, I don’t drink it every day, I only drink water. As I’m typing this, I just had two talk glasses of water while playing Gin Rummy Online, so I am trying. I don’t know what else to do. Yes, still coming on here to help others, trying to keep up..it’s getting busy. Have an early Doctor’s appointment tomorrow, could only get in two short responses. Have an awesome evening.

    January 3, 2018 at 3:23 pm in reply to: Should I tell him everything that bothers me ? #184923
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Orion42,

    You didn’t say how long you have been with him. Do you love him, or are you in love with him? If so, there must be some great things about him, that you fell in love with. You can’t fall in love with someone because of their education level, the way they dress, how clean they keep the house. You can always ask him to go 50/50 with you on the chores..say he takes out the trash, does the tub, floors, you do the vacuuming,  dusting, etc.

    However, we can not fix it change our significant other. This is controlling. They usually will see it that way and become defensive…and it just makes things worse. Maybe you could take him by a shop window and say “this shirt/jeans/jacket would look so “hot, sexy, etc” on you. Bolster his ego. You never know..one day he might come home and surprise you wearing it because he wants to look nice for you. However, when we try to change someone, basically we are trying to “fix” childhood trauma from one of our caretakers or parents from our past, or unconsciously, a flaw in ourselves. If he is loving, supportive, makes you happy, makes you laugh, feels safe, these are truly the things that are lifelong that count. x

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.
    January 3, 2018 at 6:09 am in reply to: I Feel Terrible Rejecting This Guy! #184835
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Cnashh,

    I think if you really like this guy you say you do, then don’t accept any more dates, or have boyfriends for awhile. Let Justin see you single and alone for awhile. Right now, he feels you are playing “hard to get” and “games” by always being with someone yet always accepting other dates with men, and men grow tired of that fast. If you don’t get out of this “on and off dating” quickly I am afraid there will be no hope with Justin. So no more games, be single..show him you can be happy and single. Then ask him out. He is not going to make the first move again, if ever, because like he said, you are always with someone. Also, it does not look good to men or see you as “girlfriend” material when you are constantly breaking up with men all the time, so no more head games, drama.,cut to the chase, he likes you, you like him, this may be your last chance, stay single and then ask him out before he completely loses interest. x

    January 2, 2018 at 6:08 am in reply to: Alone, in bad health, and depressed on Christmas eve. #184677
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for writing and your kindness. It means alot to me. I hope you had a very Happy New Year. Yes, you are right, Fiber does help people with occasional or mild constipation, but it only makes things worse for people with severe chronic constipation. I have tried every kind of fiber. I don’t drink soda, as it irritates my stomach, and only drink coffee when taking a laxative because if not, it won’t budge. I don’t drink coffee every day. I eat no fried or fatty foods. But sometimes, the stools can to too soft, and I have trouble passing them as well. I don’t eat large meals. Just 2 meals a day with some fruit, but have given up on Fiber. At first it helped somewhat, but it was just giving me small, incomplete bowel movements. I have colonic inertia..meaning I am no longer able to go on my own without the aid of something. I am sure that the Gastroenterologist is going to suggest that my Colon be removed, as my intestines are just not working. I drink 6-9 glasses of water a day, have tried strawberries, every kind of fruit, prunes (which do help, but are just as harsh as a stimulant laxative). Olive oil, Coconut oil, extra fiber bread, ground flaxseed, every kind of fiber supplement, lemon in hot water, but I am exhausted from it all. My case manager only gets an hour with me to take me to store as I have no transportation, and by the time we buy all the fiber, we have run out of time, and I still have food to buy. I have even tried Probiotic yogurt, which seemed to help at first, but again, very small bowel movements and feeling incomplete. What is one to do? It has to come out, so unfortunately, our last choice is laxatives, enemas or medication, such as Amitza, Linzess or Trulance (neither are laxatives) and hope for the best as our last resort. Thank you again for your reply and have a wonderful week.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.
    January 1, 2018 at 5:51 pm in reply to: I just dion't know where I am going #184609
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Colton,

    You don’t have to figure it all out right now. Just take small steps. Kind of like cleaning a house. For example starting with the kitchen first, then moving on to vacuuming. Them maybe the next week, tackle something else. You don’t have to clean the entire house all in one day. It’s overwhelming.

    Same with figuring out your life’s journey. One thing at a time. Let’s say you want to start your own business. Maybe go into a partnership with a friend. There is a great book called “What color is your parachute”. It asks you questions and matches you with the vocation that best suits your personality and skills. It has been around since the 80’s, it’s a best-selling book, updated ever year.

    Many people take their passions or hobbies and create work from that. Or maybe you could get a life or job coach to guide you along, kind of like a mentor. Maybe you could take classes, vocational, etc, maybe find something from the classes that you would be interested in. Start slow. Enjoy the journey. Don’t worry about figuring it all out. It’s too much pressure, too much burn out.

    Maybe work some temp jobs, gain some knowledge of different industry’s. See what’s out there you may enjoy. Don’t rush yourself. Have a very Happy New Year. Please post again. Maybe others will post with some thoughts.

    January 1, 2018 at 3:10 pm in reply to: Best friend gone, now what? #184601
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Rick,

    I would give it a couple of weeks, maybe see if she will contact you. If not, maybe text or e-mail something light and casual, keep it friendly..like a clean start. Nothing heavy..about the past..mistakes..etc. See what happens. There may still be hope at regaining the friendship. I hope others will post as well. Let us know your thoughts and if you hear from her.

    January 1, 2018 at 12:35 pm in reply to: Alone, in bad health, and depressed on Christmas eve. #184589
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi VJ,

    Just wanted to give an update. Feeling a bit better. Although, I am having some chest pain. But I know it won’t last long. Another 3-4 days, I will be right back to having to take a laxative and miserable and hopeless again. I have to stop procrastinating, being a coward and just take the Linzess. My case manager is on me all the time. She does not understand why I don’t just take it, and if I start having any kind of stomach pain or cramping, to call the Gastroenterologist, and have the dosage lowered or try something else. I don’t know what I am so afraid of. Wish I could just have a few “off days” where I did not have groups, errands, doctors appointsments, etc just to take it. I have set a date on my calendar, and made a promise to myself to take it that day. Have a wonderful New Year.

    January 1, 2018 at 12:21 pm in reply to: Best friend gone, now what? #184585
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Rick,

    I wouldn’t hold out too much hope for any kind of future with her as far as a relationship. In your post, it looks like time and time she has distanced herself. The last time she did, she put the blame on you, which I am sure she made plenty of mistakes herself. Yet, she made you look like you made all the mistakes and made you feel guilty, without really telling you the real reason what was going on and why she was distancing herself all the time. If you were to keep things going with her, she would continue the same behavior, such as being aloof, cold, exhausted, distancing, blaming, making you feel more and more confused.

    She sounds like she is emotionally high maintenance, not knowing what she wants, but assigning the blame on you, and not talking things out with you When something is bothering her. I know you really like her, but in the long run, I don’t see this working out in any kind of relationship. You would end up always feeling confused and frustrated and this is not what you want. Best to let your feelings settle, maybe no contact for awhile, and then one day, you can become friends again. Maybe others will post with different viewpoints, but it does not sound promising. Please feel free to post with your thoughts or comments. I don’t think she is ready for any kind of relationship. But that is just my opinion and feel you deserve better. Wishing you a very Happy New Year.

     

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.
    January 1, 2018 at 7:13 am in reply to: Alone, in bad health, and depressed on Christmas eve. #184563
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi VJ,

    Thank you for checking in. It means alot to me. Unfortunately, I wish I had better news. I am having such bad anxiety right now, I’m shaking so bad typing this. I had a very bad night last night. Enema last night did not help. Have been bound up for 4 days. Took Senna-Lax last night, but not much. There is a wind chill advisory here. 15 below. Trying to not call a cab for another emergency room visit, but I have drank 5 cups of coffee, to try to get something, but nothing. Going to try a little more. Have been up since 5am. I am unable to go on my own any more. Something is very wrong with my Colon/digestive system. I wish I could go back to the days before I started opiods. If any had told me opiods for severe back pain would do this after stopping them, I would have done the steroid injections instead. Unfortunately pain management Doctor’s don’t tell you anything. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I am losing weight still, no matter how much I try to eat. I need to start the Linzess, but want to start it on a day when I dont have to run errands or have groups. I have heard it can cause severe stomach cramping. I’m really nervous about taking it. I am stopping fiber, because it is only making things worse I think. I don’t know how much longer I can live like this. I couldn’t enjoy New Years Eve, or New Year’s Day today, alhough it is so cold out, not many people I know went out. My birthday is the 14th, and it will be another day spent home alone. I hope you have a Happy and Prosperous New Year, and thanks again for thinking of me.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.
    December 31, 2017 at 7:54 pm in reply to: Relationship anxiety and anger problems #184533
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Lisa,

    Has this happened with past boyfriends? Is this your first relationship? Do you think you may be pushing him away because of fear? Maybe trauma from your past? Sometimes we unconsciously create walls using anger, blame, sensitivity, agitation, perhaps we feel we don’t deserve happiness, or something happened in our childood that hurt us, that we are trying to recreate that hurt in our adult life to heal from it. I hope you will post again. Have a Happy New Year.

    December 31, 2017 at 10:27 am in reply to: Where do I go from here? #184499
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Matt,

    I just wanted to check in to see if you are feeling better, and how you are doing? I do hope you will post again. I hope you have a Happy New Year, and to let you know, that we care.

    December 31, 2017 at 10:19 am in reply to: One minute I love them, the next i don't… #184497
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Malaya,

    I hope my post did not scare you. I was not actually saying that “love is frightening” love is a beautiful thing. It is something from our pasts that we associate with it, is most often why we push people away, which were given by my examples in my above post. Deep 8nside, it could be that fear of what you describe as “disgusting”. because if the trauma You endured. You unconsciously associate that with that feeling now perhaps causing you to pull away.  x

    December 31, 2017 at 8:30 am in reply to: One minute I love them, the next i don't… #184483
    Eliana
    Participant

    Hi Malaya,

    A very beautiful name. I have this same problem. However, my reason is due to having BPD a mental illness, also, being constantly abandoned, neglected, abused, rejected by an Alcoholic Mother. A very dysfunctional home. I did not receive love as a young child and this wreaked havoc in my adult life in all my relationships. How could I love someone, when I never had it, did not know what it looked like, what is was, did not know my own identity. Had Borderline Personality Disorder. It took decades of intensive outpatient and inpatient therapy to get over the trauma, and my severe mental illness and self harm. I am still on therapy and medication with a wonderful Psychiatrist and therapist.

    There are many reasons we push people or the ones we love away. It could be fear. Fear of love. Fear that if we invest in something so huge, we will end up with nothing, fear of rejection, fear of not being “good enough”. It could be due to anxiety..anxiety like “am I good enough? Will this person find something better? It could be our guarded hearts and building walls. This could be due to past hurts, maybe from old childhood wounds or former painful break-ups. So many reasons why we pull away. It is best to explore these feelings in quality Psychotherapy. I do hope things get better for you. Please post with your thoughts and feelings. Have a Happy New Year. x

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Viewing 15 posts - 196 through 210 (of 748 total)
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