Hi Dreaming715,

You are good enough..why? Because there is no one else out there like you! Out of 7 billion on this planet, there is one unique person..you, with your own set of qualities, what you have to offer, traits, you are able to love, you are loveable whether you believe it or not. You seem very intelligent from the posts I read from you. Please don’t compare yourself to other people, because they have their insecurities, flaws and imperfections. Including those models you see in the magazine’s..they do not live the glamouous life we think they do. In ten years, we won’t be seeing them in magazines anymore, as they will be replaced with younger models..who have to work extremely hard to stay thin, which can be a very stressful and exhausting life. Looks fade. Personality, and our uniqueness don’t.

Your ex-fiance lost out. Who knows, maybe he is somewhere unhappy. You will not be alone forever, and will find a loving man who deserves you and nothing less. Meanwhile, you can focus on things that make you happy. When you are happy and doing things that bring purpose to your life, you will see changes, changes in your self-esteem. Wrote down on a piece of paper things you enjoyed doing as a child. Was it reading? Painting? Drawing? Animals? I know I enjoyed playing badminton as a child and have started looking for people to play with. I also used to enjoy playing pool and art. These are things I can do in my adult life that bring me fulfillment and purpose. When women concentrate on looks, appearances, or always having to have a man, that is depending on someone to “bring” us happiness, yet that can be short lived. We have to create our own excitement. If a man comes along that’s great, if not, we will know we will still be good enough and we will be okay. x

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Eliana.

Hi Lennon,

I am sorry to hear about your brothers. I agree with you, what they did was inexcusable. However, I would not disown your family. I understand they won’t back you up, but they probably don’t want to break the family up even more. Deep down, I am sure they do not approve of what your brothers did, and maybe they did talk to your brothers, but did not tell you for fear of creating more conflict.

Sometimes families like to sweep things under the rug, to keep peace for the sake of children and grandchildren, which is why they invite your children over for Holidays, etc. Why not go? You should not miss out on these events, taking family photos, memories, something to show your children. You don’t have to speak to your brothers. Politely acknowledge them, but no one says you have to make conversation with them. Do it for your children, so they can be with their grandparents and get to know them, don’t move to another state and let them not get to know their grandparents for something your brothers did. Yes, what they did was very wrong, but you have to put your children first and let them be with their family. You don’t have to call your brothers. Just have to see them, now and then at family get togethers. If you are not invited, go anyway. Don’t stand for that treatment. Set boundaries. Tell your parents, your kids go, you go, period. Don’t move, don’t run away. It is letting your brothers win. I hope things get better. Stay strong.

Hi Felix,

I don’t have much too add, but I just wanted to say you are not too old to be a Dad. My Dad had two sons in his twenties, and he had me at age 45, and said it was the happiest moment in his life.

You are welcome, please post anytime. I hope you can get back to the Buddhism and crystals..

Hi Selena,

I am sorry to hear what you are going through. But what you are doing is very self destructive, and not the solution of the answer. Your post has me very concerned and worried about you. Please contact a crisis line. They are trained volunteers who want to help you, your call is free and anonymous. Is there someone, a trusted mentor, therapist, friend you can talk to you during this difficult time?

Taking pills is never the answer. You could easily overdose and make things worse. Try to think positive. This is only a temporary situation. There are steps you can take. I know it’s hard, but try to think positive. First thing is to please get out of the abusive environment you are in. Whether it is a domestic violence shelter, temporarily, a friend’s house, a relative, please don’t self harm. You have to talk to someone about all this, start with a crisis line, they will help you find a qualified therapist or Psychotherapist. Stick with the therapy. Please don’t abuse the drugs/pills anymore. They only numb you shortly, but then you end up feeling worse. You need to be screened for clinical depression and anxiety. Dint get caught up in negative thoughts. Just try to take things one thing at a time to improve your situation. It can be done, first things first is to get out of the environment you are in. Then stop taking the drugs and pills, get screened for depression, and please contact a crisis line asap. I am very concerned. I hope others will post with any ideas or thoughts. Please post back and let me know how you are doing, but please don’t let your negative thoughts take over. Think positive, and find ways to improve your situation and keep posting. x

Hi Viv,

You don’t need a parent, to walk on eggshells, to be told what to do, how to behave, what to think, what internet social media sites you can and can’t go on. He is being very disrespectful and acting “superior”. This is not a loving, secure and healthy relationship, and it will only get worse, make you stressed, resentful of him and miserable. I think he is trying to perhaps fix a caretaker from his past, a critical parent, or that his feelings were not listened to. Now he used that as sarcastic out downs to you, and this is very toxic. In relationships, no One should try to “fix” another, because it will only lead to resentment, confusion and hurt feelings, like I say, you want a partner in life, not a father. Best to re-evaluate the relationship. I feel you deserve better. x