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JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
Her lack of control over money and her impulsive behaviour regards it. House is classic example, major financial and emotional commitment and then walked away from it assuming that I could carry it. She likes the big plans but then the reality doesn’t always live up to the expectations for her. However most of the time she was very lovely and generous too. She said to me that she had demons she couldn’t shake and not sure whether the therapy helped or not.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
In essence you’ve hit it completely on the head exactly. The only part is that her moving and leaving quickly follows a pattern repeated many times rather than confront the issues. My early mistakes were held against me as a reason to go,forgetting all the good things I had done. Its all very sad really and a waste of what in essence had lots of positives.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
More hers, I let her down early in the relationship which I’m not proud of but we got through it. Mine now because of the house purchase and now me having to deal with that as well as a new job. I don’t want it to end with bitterness and that we can find some common ground that allows us at some level to be able to talk to each other.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
I would like to, on many levels we connected but i’m a realist to. I would like us to at least be able to have some sort communication and not have it lost in bitterness and recrimination.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
Thank you, has been quite cathartic so far. I just hope she will think the same an d the negativity will go with time and that we may find some common ground again.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
To be honest I need to stop the replay in my head and concentrate on the good times we had rather than focus solely on the bad bits. To be honest I’m still healing and need time to readjust to my new situation.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
Very well put, a lesson that I have learnt and will certainly make sure that I try not to repeat that mistake again.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
Stupidly I didn’t ask her as I thought it was personal to her given what I knew and yes I was busy making the house lovely and homely for us and the family.
Her childhood related to a breakup of her parents followed by the decline of her father into alcoholism and eventual demise. a lot to contend for a teenager which profoundly affected her. Add to this a terrible marriage and now health issues has given her what she described s complicated head. The strong men in her life have ended up letting her down, she then runs/moves from the problem rather than deal with it.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
We’d been together 4 years and she went last summer. She apologised for being distant and said it was sort of helping. She didn’t go to many and it was about me too. I noticed she was quieter and put it down to job pressures and the house. 4 months she called it s day, it caught me off guard as we were planning things going forward too. She told me that she loved me but not enough to stay and that was that
Jonnym
JonnymParticipanthi Anita,
Absolutely, if i did this or I did that…I need to keep learning so as not to be here again..so please ask.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
That woman was her I just didn’t get it right,she was my equal and in some ways more. I feel that I’ve truly let myself down through past mistakes early on and its a bitter pill to swallow when it could have been so much simpler.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
I think my strengths at times was a mixture of both, buying the house took a lot of those skills to do so. I miss her and the children terribly and yes your right about going forward but I should have put a lot more in the relationship rather than realising it when its too late.I know she wasn’t perfect but on balance she still worked for me. Thank you for the kind words.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
Wow you’re tough..I meant only that I’ve always gone and got things done and have felt that my opinion at times has overridden others. A relationship should be equal and at times one or the other takes charge. In this case I learnt this a little too late and have paid the consequences to a terrible loss to me. My arrogance and persona that attracted my partner ultimately has become my downfall and I am a lot more humble now. Ironic for a person whose career is all about managing risk. Ultimately I am devastated by whats happened and now struggle with finding purpose going forward. I would love to turn the clock back to the younger me but all I am now is a salutary lesson to others.
Jonnym
JonnymParticipantHi Anita,
Good question, in truth I’ve always been a glass half full and have made sure that I’ve been there for family and friends. I have always had an air of confidence about me and at times have made things happen through sheer willpower. However underneath this was someone who wanted to occasionally be led and not always have to lead., hence with my partner I thought I could relax and let someone else take the strain a bit, equal partnership…problem is that she also had major relationship issues from the past and could be insecure. my problem was that we should have talked at a deeper level before buying the house rather than believing that things would work out rather confronting them, I believed she really wanted it too and never suspected that after 8 months she would go.
Jonny
JonnymParticipantHi Ashley,
Likewise so sorry to hear that too, your situation is even more heartbreaking given that you’ve lost contact with your son too. I have also wondered if my partner had Borderline Personality Disorder too..thank you for all the good advice, I’d wish I’d seen this forum a ling time ago and maybe had avoided my current situation through understanding the dynamics of relationships better.
Jonny
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