FROM WITHIN FROM WITHOUT

A famous painter
A famous model
The famous pose
The famous brush
The famous art

Famous model “I look hideous, this is terrible, I am blue, I am deformed, how dare you, destroy this atrocity, NOW”

Famous artist “It’s a masterpiece, you are beautiful, I am beautiful”

We are all beautiful.. I love it… if any man stops seeing the beauty and any woman stops to see her own… we will live like stones under stones.

How did he feel your distance, your inner cold, your inner shut outness?
Did he feel the same? Did he experience your emotions?
Is that possible?
You put too much importance on yourself, too much of everything.
He was probably going “meh, no answer, so John want to play some pool”?
Life when taken as a simple glass of water, is just a simple glass of water.
There is nothing more than the moment of refreshment, thanks and you put down the glass and go do something.
We’re all in motion, at all times, like flowing water.
I say rinse twice and go with the flow.

When things go badly, like a broken relationship or an abusive situation, I remember my Shakespeare. All the worlds a stage.
I pretend that the situation was a play a movie and I was the star, its great being the star. I pretend I received an Oscar for my performance. The movie ends, the act is over, the curtain closes. Now on to the next play, the part, the role.
As both Johnny Depp and Harrison Ford have said “I never see my movies, I never remember my lines, and I just go on to the next movie”
So, those “academy” performances line up in my mind like tall strong Oscars.
Yes, I am the star, the spot light is on my life. A new adventure begins. Delighted and Enlightened I dance my way onto a new stage.

I thank my leading man, all the other actors, directors, writers.
We part.
The emotions of the play, the act, the scene dissolve as I search for a new theatre.
Life mimicking art.
I have the choice of which part I wish to perform.
It is in my hands in my control.

I also think of the partnered actors who could never work together again.
I think of the ones who did. Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire.
They danced in perfect harmony. I think of my leading man whom I’d dance with
and I see that dance in my mind.

I am also content in knowing I am an independent artist.
I can go it alone and evolve through many roles.

Either is beautiful and acceptable.

I learn my lines, research the part and perform better with each take.
There will always be a part to play.

As my mother said after ordering too much on the menu
“your eyes are too big for your stomach”

Relax, sit back, close your eyes and look at this relationship and let the joy you want from it expand and grow and see your futures together. See all the bliss you want to see.
Now slowly, look into his eyes at his face and allow his face to become your face. Look into your eyes, see the bliss, the life, the future you have built. Now kiss yourself. Smile, laugh, hug.
Do this once a day until you learn to love that inner being, that is you. Don’t worry or fret about the past. Just do this one thing, all else will fall into place as if by magic.