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Joanne

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  • in reply to: What are you ruminating about right now? #88068
    Joanne
    Participant

    This was all great to read/see today. After a long day at work, follows an even longer night of ruminating about every type of interaction with anyone, coworkers, clients, supervisors, what will happen the next day.
    Thank you for reminding me to be assertive with that inner bully taunting me with these ruminations.

    J.

    in reply to: Recovering from emotional abuse and gas lighting #71828
    Joanne
    Participant

    This is wonderful that you found the courage to get out. I recommend pretty much all books by Beverly Engel, specifically “the Jekyll and Hyde Syndrome” and “The Emotionally-abused woman.” She addresses specific issues with emotional abuse and how to process and work through your experiences and provide tips on self-care. She is able to provide really insightful clarity on emotionally-abusive situations so you don’t feel like your the only one. It is hard thing to talk about so I completely understand not wanting to get into depths of it. I had an abusive relationship (only came to see it was abusive when it was over) 6 years ago and I read her books and still see a therapist to work through things that happened. It gets better. Protect yourself and reclaim your space. Be well!

    in reply to: The worst year ever – any tips? #67843
    Joanne
    Participant

    Hi Helen,
    Your post title really struck a chord with me in that I similarly had an extraordinarily difficult year – worst I have ever had. First, I hope you are physically feeling better. I kind of look at this physical accident as a (yes painful) opportunity for you to pause and put yourself first. Your ankle – meaning the part that grounds you to the earth (bare with my jargon) is needing attention – and I do believe aches and pains and circumstances do all happen for reasons. It sounds like you have been insecure with yourself and esteem, this ankle injury is here to re-direct your attention to yourself, your confidence, your self-compassion, and re-establish your foundation. By no means does this justify the pain or the complexities that are coming along with it – but just a time to take care of yourself and no one else. I hope that made sense. Guard your space, say no when you want, and allow yourself to identify the toxic parts in your life and say no to them. It took my a long time, still is, to see that I have the power to get space when I want – it is a true gift.

    My year was tainted with two deaths in the family, care-taking for my ex boyfriends father (who died), the breakdown of our 3.5 year relationship, cutting off a lover from the past who I had thought I would end up with WHILE applying for law school and studying for my LSAT. Talk about concentration problems..

    There are times when I am angry at god/universe/larger forces for causing this awful situation and hardships, especially when I am trying to pursue my lifelong dream, I am very very very slowly seeing that this may have been all a gift to push me to an edge of strength that I never had before. I sensed the universe’s presence in these circumstances and I hope at some point, you do too, because I can see it in how you describe your situation.

    You don’t see it now but you have more strength in you that you don’t see – the fact that you reached out to Tiny Buddha shows how much you want to take care of yourself and are taking care of yourself – this actions will move you forward. Your finding ways to get help and appreciate yourself for doing that. Don’t give up hope – things will get better. Be patient with yourself and the process, this is all temporary.

    • This reply was modified 10 years ago by Joanne.
    in reply to: Feeling guilty and trying to forgive myself #66540
    Joanne
    Participant

    Hi John,
    I understand the awful feeling of regret. It can really eat at you, physically. In Terms of your actions why don’t you ask: How will this benefit her? The reason I ask this is because you are so morally aware of your actions which is why I don’t think you need to go further with hurting yourself. I don’t support dishonesty but I can’t bell
    But wonder how this would benefit anyone at this point. My response would be different if you were ony asking how to cover it up instead of your feelings as evidenced. You know what you did wrong so have to let it go. from what you describe- a kiss- seems like you’d scare her more than what really happened (sex etc). She wouldn’t see your emotional admission and hurt as you’ve expressed herE- just the admission of kiss. Be mindful of alcohol and give yourself a break. Dare I say it, might be blessing in disguise as you see how important she is to you but also that you have to consider sobriety and maybe some help for the cutting.

    in reply to: How to Say Good bye. #66226
    Joanne
    Participant

    Hi J,
    Thanks for the insight. It is always helpful hearing from another person who has struggled with similar situation. It feels hopeless sometimes and I only hope its possible to stop ruminating over what had happened and what was said. Overnight he replaced me – what did I do wrong? It gets obsessive and I really want it to go away because it is like an physical pinch. It crawls into your mind – everything you do and with it comes low self-esteem, rejection and pure sadness.
    It seems like the golden rule with these issues is to just focus on yourself – it is easier said than done and is an exhaustive cliche – but at the end of the day the buck stops with us and how we can remove ourselves from the pain associated with the negativity. You also get tired thinking trying to reconcile with the person you knew and who they are in the present – that being one you never thought would hurt you.
    Since my post, I still hurt a lot and keep ruminating over that one text message that said it all and I am still in disbelief but am taking measures to seal him off from my well being. I feel absolutely humiliated having placing me in a situation with someone else but I’m taking measures to let him go – deleting him off my Facebook and will be blocking his number.
    I wrote him a message explaining how hurt I felt by his actions but wished him best. Trying very hard to be more compassionate and breathe through the anger and sadness but difficult to do. You just want to reclaim what has been taken from you at the end of the day – dignity, respect, and self-worth which this person did not exercise toward you. Taking it back means expressing anger and sadness and working through it. Exhausting path indeed. I hope it passes.

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