Thank you Matt and Amit for your kind reply, i’ve been searching for some psychologist now,and i’ll start my theraphy in a week.
and Matt i believe you’re right that i’ve been rushing my healing process, the pain and shame i feel is too much that i just want to make amends right aways,i want to get out as fast as possible, i used to burried my emotional pain in work, getting busy, anything basically so i don’t have chances to connecting with how i feel. but now i’m on vacation, i can’t do anything but thinking about this problems, and embrace the pain.

i’m trying to meditate and praying, especially at night when my mind thinking about all the mistakes i did, it helps but i know it will be a long journey until i can find my inner being.

i just want to be a good loving person

hope you all have an amazing day, god bless you