Hey!! I totally and completely understand a lot of what you’ve said. I experience a lot of those things such as fear of mental illness, unsure of whether to stay in the relationship, depression, just life. I have ADD which is a little different but my thoughts jump around. I know that yours might do that too. Are you on any medication? Have you gone to a therapist? There’s nothing wrong with going to a therapist. Or if you don’t want to do that, then look for self-help books. Maybe ones on ADHD or self-esteem. Don’t give up on yourself, I think happiness is out there too. You just have to keep going. I think what you’re going through is normal for someone with ADHD or depression. I hope that you find what you’re looking for in life !