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October 22, 2016 at 1:39 pm in reply to: " Im not ready for the talk " … Follow up to previous post #118712
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ParticipantAnita,
I have never been in this position before and this is very unlike my behavior to actually give him space, which I know he is shocked over…. What do you think his thought processes may be during this space? He stated that he was not ready for the talk and I told him when he is ready, I am here. But what could be possibly getting ready for? …. I am trying to get some insight on his POV…
Thanks!
October 22, 2016 at 12:19 pm in reply to: " Im not ready for the talk " … Follow up to previous post #118709Deleted due to privacy infringment
ParticipantHi Guys,
Thanks for the responses… I did go to the funeral.. He was there alone without family or friends and I felt terrible… He saw me when he was leaving and gave me a half hearted saddened smile…. Few minutes later he text me thanking me for coming, it meant a lot to him and his friend always really liked me… I asked him how he was holding up, we talked about what a great guy his friend was and then he said ” heading to the cemetery now, thanks again, ily ” ….. told him to drive safely and I love him too….. That was all we said to each other…. Im so upset for him… and I miss him terribly….
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ParticipantAnita,
You are correct on every single aspect… yes!!
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ParticipantHi Kath,
Yeah it is very messy indeed and I caused this mess… I clung to my ex as a friend because I have really bad attachment issues… I lost both parents before I was 10 and then every relative that cared for me after I lost as well… I’ve been to therapy over this and when I have someone in my life that is there for me through anything, I get very anxious about the friendship ending… I do this with my female friends too…. It’s a problem I am still actively working on..
And my ex and I weren’t on a daily, weekly speaking basis.. We would talk, then not, then talk, then not through the last 3 years… He was the guy I dated for a few months in-between my boyfriend of 7 years and I breaking up …. He helped me through a lot of darkness during this time and I didn’t want to hurt him by showing all he did for me was in vein….
As screwed up as this situation is, my heart is broken for hurting people… I genuinely do not like doing this AT ALL…. I’ve never hurt or broken up with anyone in my life and I’m 30…. I’m devastated over how badly I hurt my bf..
Thanks!
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ParticipantHi Anita,
I hid my ex from my boyfriend because I knew my boyfriend wouldn’t understand…. I didn’t hide my boyfriend, we were together for 3 years.. broke up with me and left me.. dated new guy… broke up with him and eventually got back together with the first ( 7 year boyfriend) …. My ex and i remained friends, but not friends that talked everyday or often…. It was a subject that was never brought up… I guess by omission I was hiding it… I also knew he HATED my bf for what he did to me ( he abandoned me ) so I just never felt comfortable enough telling him…
I want to be honest, honest with my love…. But its so hard when we aren’t speaking…. And denial in terms of – denial that its over, or that we can still work this out?
Thanks Anita!
September 28, 2016 at 10:49 am in reply to: Hurt my boyfriend of 7 1/2 years, he won't speak to me. #116575Deleted due to privacy infringment
ParticipantThe gravity of the friendship is that we spoke several times a week and hung out with friends every month or so…
The friendship has ended and he’s dating someone
September 28, 2016 at 6:31 am in reply to: Hurt my boyfriend of 7 1/2 years, he won't speak to me. #116553Deleted due to privacy infringment
ParticipantI believe he has suspected stuff, because he has asked me in the past and I have told him we were friends… I just do not think he knows the gravity of our friendship….. He probably didn’t realize that we texted several times a week, hung out once every few weeks with other friends, no holding hands, no kissing, no sex, he actually never even came over my house….
The only piece of information that I know is that supposedly he received an anonymous Facebook message….. I was acting weird towards my bf all weekend because my friend whom had feelings for me discovered my boyfriend and I were together and he was very upset over it, he stated that I mislead him and he was going to ruin my life…… During the weekend I was so ashamed of myself because I had realized I was deceiving people… I was distancing myself from my boyfriend, I was not acting usual.. He kept asking me if something was wrong and questioning things I was doing… Finally one night he asked me if I had anything to tell him and I told him yes when he gets home from work.. He never returned home, he stayed at his mothers and blocked my number…… I had to chase him down and beg him to talk to me.. I have no idea how he truly did find out and who this third person was….. But my only information from a mutual friend was that there was an anonymous email telling my boyfriend that I was cheating on him or in a relationship with someone else….
I was told to give him a few weeks before reaching out to him again and before writing any note…. give him sometime to process his emotions and thoughts…
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