Hello All

Am back after almost a month!!

Nearly nothing happened in this month. After i was excited we gonna meet, he canceled, then i suggested another day and when the day came, he canceled again and gavd me sad facd as if he is upset!!! Ofcourse i know he was running away from meeting. Was so obvious and he was hardly replying to the messages.

So i send him why i wanted to meet him. I told him i should have bern more supportive and shouldnt have pressured him while getting out of abusive relationship. I expressed my feelings to him, remided him of our songs and asked him that i need to know the reason behind his weird attitude and what made him soo much not baring to talk to me or see me and ask him is it a break or a break up and that he is giving up on me!

The following day he replied coldly that he is sorry for not replying but he is busy these days and will call me later!!

Then after a week i send him “r u still busy!!! Anyways just heard a song reminded me how we were ”

He didnt reply except after seeing him putting pic of him with the kids on whats app. I send him that its very nice pic and god bless him and give him peace of heart.

He replied again apologizing he is not answering my message and thanked me on my message.

Then i sent him asking if he took his son to therapy to help him deal with his mam case and the divorce as the sooner after divorce the better for kids because i see sadness in the kids eyes.

Although i was deciding i wont send him again, and to let go, as his attitude is really killing any feelings left inside me,  But today after ten days, tonight i send him “why u gave up on me sooo easily in this way? Its my tight to know the reason, at least to learn for future relationship. Why cant u just make me comfortable. Why cant u  confronte me. Are u afraid i will cry and get upset like last time me met?! Dont worry. I am just curious”

He then replied “it is not that”

so i said “then what? Why this strange stupid attitude? Wy cant u confront? Why u insisting to kill everything like that by your attitude”

He replied he will call me tomorrow to talk.

I replied i wont b able to talk while at work.

Now i dont want to talk to him. May b i was venting with him cos i was shocked and surprised from his attitude. I didnt expect that its to that extent he doesn’t want to talk to me , to that extent he is cold and didn’t even get affected by me reminding him of our memories and songs. May be i just need a message from him just giving me a reason and then ending it for good. To be  brave enough to say he wanna end it completely and give me reasons.

Yes may be when i knew first time i couldnt hold myself from the shock. But now i will accept it but still need reason even if he says he just fell out of love cos felt we r different. But just like that, without giving any reason. Was he acting on me when he said he is not stable and needs time?!

Yes i send him messages cos i need a reason. To just send me on message and thats it. No phone call. May be meeting but still i will look upset. I wont cry or panic this time, but i dont wanna look upset. His posponing several times, killed the positive energy that was inside me and wanted to get hi out of the mood he was in. I wanted to share lots of things with him but not anymore. So even meeting him i do not want.

So what to do now when he calls me?!

What do anyone expect he will say?

Sorry for long post but i was venting as its been long time.

Thanks

Dear Anita,

Here is the update.

I sent him yesterday the song , then asked about him. He replied and asked about me too. Then I asked him if we can talk or chat, and he didnt reply. Then asked what he has done in the holidays and when he didnt reply although seeing my message, I told him that I wanted to see him and in sake of what was between us, i need to see him to know what is wrong and i promised I wont give him a hard time, just need to tell him some things.

This last message he saw it this morning, then he called me from work. I was sounding cheerful and smiling and asked about his vacations, and he asked me too. Then tried to laugh about the song i sent him, then told him i want to see him and jokingly without excuse, as the song say,, he laughed and said ok, but not tonight as he is busy, we can arrange tomorrow. I told him i am free after 8 pm tomorrow. He asked me why, i said cos i have a course, he asked me what course.

So, now,, i am meeting him tomorrow hopefully.

There are 2 scenarios i have:

1- To act normally and talk about our days and news, and not talk about anything regarding the past, but try to ease the tension and break the ice. And see how it goes. Only if he asks me what i wanted to tell him, I apologize briefly in general about anything i might have done that bothered him or put him under pressure, or drama, or any stupid accusations.

2- From the start I apologize by getting more in details for anything I might have done that bothered him or put him under pressure, even if he said i didnt make things hard on him, but at the time before the break, i made him feel that I am not happy with him, and got pissed off and accused him of taking me for granted and not making effort, when that was not completely true. I was just sensitive due to the lack of communication that we had before it lately, which we should not leave ourselves to reach this point again, and then refusing to meet him, but may be that was for the best for a while for us to calm down. Then apologize if i said any harsh words in our last meeting, and crying and being dramatic, when he already have been in so much drama lately and got out of an abusive relation, which was so hard on him, and I should have been softer. And Ask him if we can give ourselves another chance to make this work.

I also want to reminder him I am his destiny as he once called me, and that does not mean that we can not start dating again as this should have been the right time to date after his divorce not before, without all the problems he was going through. I also want to tell him, that i need his kids in my life as they will need me too.

Thoughts

Thank you

Jesss

Dear Mia,

Thank you for your concern and comment.

Will try to take it from the good side that Anita meant exactly what i think happened that he already got out of a hard relation and would b afraid to feel any drama or any blaming, especially that i read later on that BPD complain alot and blame and criticize their partner about everything nearly.

And that is what i am trying to solve. Lovers dp forgive each other. Dont they? I love this man and its normal to feel insecure when he start to withdraw. Yes i lost my temper once by messages. And i withdraw when he asked for a break till he called me.

This time i will call him after easter holidays to check on him and have positive spirit and ask to meet him without opening any of the old subjects.

Will not give up on him as he was not giving up on me before. Will show him i am patient and supportive and understand the phase he is going through. I will do as he used to do with me in the beginning.

Please pray for me all of u and wish me success to get things between us back on track.

If any can have any tips to say to solve things, please advise.

Hi anita,

First thank u for taking the time and reading and responding to my problem. But why u say i am not calm? Is it because I expressed my pain to him about the break up? Is it because i expressed once in 8 month to give me time in an event other than his children. I never complained about his kids or his time with him