Tami and Emile,
Thank you for your response. Yes I have ended the affair relationship…again, I think about him often, see him in people, have things I want to text him. But I don’t. Bottom line, and it probably would continue if he had reached out to me more. I can’t and won’t be the one to reach out to him anymore. I have and am going to re-commit to my marriage. I have spoken to him about his drinking, what I am doing to better myself (counseling) and that I hope he wants to better himself as well but if he doesn’t, I will not continue to have a relationship where I am not happy. And his drinking and lack of intimacy does not make me happy. It will be up to him to change but it is also up to me whether I will stay and remain unhappy. You are right, the secrets are a burden. The end of the affair was something I wasn’t allowed to grieve because it shouldn’t have happened. I was sad, he knew I was sad, and it wasn’t because of him. I am coming to terms and accepting that the affair would have never transpired to anything. It was sexual with the utmost empty feeling afterwards. It really didn’t fulfill me in any sense.

One of my favorite sayings, two things that can never be hidden, the sun and the truth. I do believe that and thank you all for your responses. Especially the men. I hope that I don’t continue to cheat. I don’t overburden with NEVER and PROMISE things that to myself and then beat myself up if I do them again. I will take it day by day, hour by hour. Get back to eat, shit, sleeping my husband. Hone in on him and only him and brush off the attention from others. I am a work in progress. I can only do better.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Jessie A.

Dave you said ‘separating” while staying in the same house could help (it worked for me).’ but prior to that said you were going to end things. Are you ending things because you want to be with the other person or because you did the in-house separation and saw it didn’t matter, you both tried and it’s for the best that you end the marriage?

Thanks Janssen. I know you are not a doctor. Even a doctor can tell me things, it’s up to me to do/follow through with things. I’m so torn. Because once I start the process I feel like there will be no going back, he will tell me to leave. And well if he does, I guess I made the right decision and he must have been feeling the same way.

I have brought up the lack of touching/kissing/oral/sex to him and he responds and says we are different people. He doesn’t, in my opinion, want to make me happy sexually. Therefore yes I have stepped out on our marriage. I know that I used to be content with it but my contentment and looking forward to the rest of my life, I don’t think I can be content. Am I afraid, hell yes. My family adores him, and always say talk, talk, talk to him. I do. He doesn’t talk back. I also feel like his drinking is his way of saying he is unhappy but he has been a drinker his whole life and he says it’s not me and that’s he’s not unhappy with us or me. I am going to counseling. I am doing what I can to try and take care of my part of the issue. I also know that I need to stop cheating on him. I miss feeling wanted, hence then feeling like a piece of shit afterwards because I feel used. I have to stop because mentally I can’t handle the feelings afterwards, even if I get them for a moment. It sucks emotionally.

• This reply was modified 8 years, 10 months ago by Jessie A.