I agree to the first post. There really isnt any getting around it.

And yes haha. But I dont want to harp on him too much . I just realize so much now that I didnt before about how he may have felt. It is funny that was how this all started. Almost 200 shares later…. In my own truth, talking to you because no one will see this…there is a part of me that CRAVES the feeling I felt when I was with John. Being truthful I don’t really get to talk about him with people in my real life anymore ya kno…but inside I feel that. No persistently but I think him, and I think that aura I felt when I was with him. Its almost euphoric.

Sometimes I cant decipher if its him or the feeling….

Also the last post isnt a response I was typing it almost as a triple post. lol

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jenny Lynn.

Side bit: Yeah you are mostly in the right ball game with the comparison I make to me and Glen and our pressuring our partners for commitment.

Except I did get commitment from John I was in a committed relationship, I had that with him. & He chose it on his own; he didn’t want to for a few months (we casually dated from OCT-MARCH ’15/’16 off and on.. over time from MARCH-JUNE we talked about committed relationship) But he did in the end choose me..I just kept pushing, and picky, and feeling like he needed to do more now to show this milestone of us being BF/GF  if that makes sense..even tho everything between me and him was fine…so f**king ridiculous thinking about it now

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jenny Lynn.

Yes I will definitely learn from what has happened and from what I allow another person to let me feel and affect my mind, life, and choices.

Every optimist would say it will never happen again. I would like to say that too.

But I know that once I prioritize myself I wont exude the energy (I have in past) to draw people like that to me.

People CAN only do what YOU ALLOW them to. I just have to remember that.

I am trying to be…I know that hindsight will be 20/20 and I will soon see everything for what it really was.

Gosh its just so frustrating to look back and see all you did for someone, what you gave up, what could have been/what else could have happened…

Like things with Leo (will always haunt me)..seems like I always choose the wrong guy when it comes to him. :/ I knew that if I cut communication with him again..ehhh…well lets just say I knew he wouldn’t let me do it a 3rd time smh. I just was so confident in how I felt at the time. Like I owed Glen a shot at my full and undivided attention…cuz thats what I wanted from John. It felt hypocritical almost…Sometimes I feel like I wanted someone to pick up where John & I had left off; whether it made sense or not logistically.

Gosh that last sentence hit me….I keep re reading it.

He chooses anger over me EVERY TIME…:(

I truthfully do not know how he feels. I am really at a loss about it.

Me? I am visibly bothered by the situation; as someone should….Him I don’t know.

A part of me thinks he feels this is a competition or a  joke or something. The idea that I am not reaching out to him may be what he interprets as a challenge. Like “Oh shes not even going to act like she wants to talk about what happened (She usually does) she broke up with me so she should take action or show me she cares” something to that effect.

Maybe he wants me to make him feel invited in, to give him a opening. (He has said that before, thats how he would want me to address him in times of conflict. I.E. Figuratively leave the door open so to speak, I dont know how much that makes sense)  To go in blindly not knowing if I will reject him probably deters him too. But if I was showing a little more attachment I dont know if that would make a difference or not…doesn’t really matter to me tho.

If I don’t mean enough to him for him to even risk getting his feelings hurt by me saying no. OR he could see it like he will lose the power if he submits to me. Like if he wants to continue he would have to inquire about what I need for him to come back. He would put himself in the position to inevitably have to acknowledge the things he needs to change drastically.

Or as well (I have to keep in mind) he literally could just not care. Maybe he had enough too. But to me, that version of him would be a little less concerned with me OVERALL if that was the case.

Stubborn people have the weirdest way they logic things in their mind. My best friend does stuff like he does to her BF and to hear her say the other sided version (I never get) of someones significant other who purposely does things that distress their partner is purely crap they just logic in their head by “They can do what they want” “They have least to lose” People like this love to say they dont need anybody, they can do with out without you, they like to have you around but dont care really either. She describes it to me like she does it just because she can. Ex.) Her BF called her all day asking her one time if she wanted to go out of town with him & she was irritated with him (or at least trying to convince herself of the reason she was). She wouldn’t answer the phone and when he text her she just said no over and over. But shes on the phone with me literally telling me she is going to come and he better call her right before he leaves so she can change her mind. I am like “why dont you just tell him?” She says “because I am stubborn and I like the chasing/begging stuff idk”. He ended up leaving without calling her one last time smh. She literally called me mad like “He should have called again”  I was like dude your crazy. she was thinking about having him turn around and come back to get her….

So that was a random story but it just a pin on my insight in the the lack of compassion they feel when they are trying to prove some point or make themselves feel good at your expense.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jenny Lynn.

I am the type of person who doesn’t poke the bear.

I don’t think he would do anything… But I also don’t put anything past anyone.

So in regards to just leaving I honestly feel like when we get into the late 20’s in the day of month. He would probably say something. If I just said I was leaving…I don’t know if that would provoke some crazy conflict between us.

It isn’t that I necessarily need to be cordial after all this. I just at this point want to avoid confrontations if possible. He doesn’t work set hours so he can come in at any moment. He will see me packing days leading up to.

So I feel its best to just tell him and pick his brain about it.

If he doesn’t like it…it doesn’t really matter.

It may not even be a whole conversation I may just say that “The leasing lady emailed about what day we want to leave. I am leaving the 31st so do you need to stay for the rest of the April part so I cant let her know she keeps asking?”

Alternate reactions:

-He tells me he is staying till the 14th. I would say well I don’t have the money to pay the rent again. I would like to hold on to the money I have.

-If that didn’t shift him my way. Then I will tell him that I am still going to leave regardless of when he decides to leave and I will come move my stuff on the 14th. But I won’t pay rent if I am not here. As well as I will need the money for the Electric if he stayed there.

-If he says probably something along the lines of where are you going? I will say my moms and leave it at that.

-If he genuinely tells me he NEEDS those 2 weeks I will try and work something out in my head like taking my neccessities and still leaving. Then come back 2 weeks later and move my furniture or something.

I know I dont owe him anything its crazy that my mind even feels.. I guess ..bad.. to be like I’m going to take the bed/couch/ whatever right out from under you regardless of your situation. I am unfortunately too nice to do that.

The most– if the conversation goes left and he tries to be petty I really have to lay down the law LIKEE I will pay this $180 of rent for 14 days. I AM LEAVING. TAKING ALL MY SHIT. CUTTING OFF THE ELECTRIC. and KISS MY BEHIND.

Because we are both on the lease I am obligated to pay it if he decided to stay for the 14 days outside of that I don’t have to do anything else. I don’t even have to  tell him i am leaving the 31st I could just turn in the half of my rent and go on about my business.

So he really doesn’t have to much room to try and bully me.

Because if I leave the 31st there really isnt too much living that could go on in there without my stuff sooo