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September 20, 2018 at 12:30 pm in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #226517Jenny LynnParticipant
Yeah that’s what I think too in regards to Glen. Like literally the message in itself and the response was the actual question really. But I definitely wasn’t going to press him further about it.Ā Its relieving to know he’s exactly the same personĀ he wasĀ 6 months ago. Me and you both know Anita that 1. There’s nothing else to be said and 2. even still Glen; the Glen we both know never uses his words to his positive advantage. There would be times there was a million things he could have said to resolve or bring light into something and he would always choose the latter. So of course that was his approach which yes the contact was out of character for him…(but people talk a good game with that you will never hear from me again crap) but not enough for me to be like oh wow that was so unlike him..blah blah blahh lol
So yea, over that. I just told myself to forget it even happened. Besides I am dating John and conversing with some other guys that I’ve met over social media that live in my area just getting to know them. I’m preoccupied enough to focus on my goals and not be distracted by drama that he would DEF bring if I had even made one more inquiry as to what he wanted.
Yeah I am ready to move back ‘home’ though. I just don’t want to feel like I am rushing it or anything.
I do think itll be the solution to a few issues I am having which is not being in that city very often, not seeing my friends as often, not knowing ppl where I live, not being in a place I find comfortable, and being able to see John more. But sooner rather than later I’d like to move back the job pays well enough that If I started it in Oct I could move byĀ November really. But if I didn’t I could save so much money. Its just hard for me to see my motivations clearly. But my independence is very important to me as well. It may not bother most people but I enjoy going to a home that MINE and coming in and doing whatever I want and being alone. My mom is notĀ worrisome and leaves me alone a vast majority of the time. But stillĀ I would like to just be by myself. I am going back to school in August 2019 hopefully in the city. So why not go ahead and make the transition?
Also my birthday is next week. So that’ll be interesting to see how that’s going to go. Geeezz the suspense. I kind of just set myself to have no expectations so that I don’t get disappointed. But I don’t know why I get like this lately I used to always be so excited for my birthday. Yet again, Im not really feeling this one this year. But time is going to pass regardless. I like organized things and this is kinda spotty just because my money is wavering and with that comes the ability to kind of do whatever I want.Ā Im not in the shape I would like to be in…so many things.
September 19, 2018 at 4:07 pm in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #226379Jenny LynnParticipantYesss! Thatās the same thing I thought. āYou saidā
but then he pulled back and didnāt respond. Still in my head I was like it probably took a lot for him to do that.
Yeah weāre going to have to. But Iām about to retransition.
I got a really good possible job opportunity where I lived previously before coming to live my mom.
I think if offered Iām going to take it. As well that means Iād be driving a 1 1/2 each way for work. But Iām currently already driving about a hour.
Then after I save some money I was considering moving bk.
I donāt know though. Any thoughts?
and yes I embraced your ā lol ā
September 19, 2018 at 10:47 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #226327Jenny LynnParticipantHey there!
Im good. Just working and stuff. Ironing out the details of my life coming.
Started a healthy routine. Losing weight. I get up at like 4:50am MWF.
Still dating John lol.
But you are never gonna guess who text me Sunday………GLEN!
He said āI have a questionā
i sent a ? Back and he put a questioning notification on it and I said whatās the question. He never text me back. ….
I guess that was his question. Smh. Heās annoying.
August 30, 2018 at 7:24 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #223719Jenny LynnParticipantI think so too. And truthfully I think ppl try and make me feel bad about that. But Iāve came to realize. Iām someone who doesnāt have an issue being alone. I just..donāt want to. I donāt like it. I like having an intimate connection with someone. I have great friends, I always have, but itās a different interaction.
Being a person who I feel didnāt ever experience true expressive love. And spent the greater part of my life alone and without outward expressions of affection to me from others. When I came to college. I liked it. I enjoy it. I also like hanging out with guys. I always have. One of my truest best friends Iāve ever had was in high school & was a guy. But then in this time frame everything gets complicated cuz I end up having feelings for ppl I shouldnāt sometimes.
Iāve ran across good ppl, and messed things up because the bad ppl who gave me more direct attention. Even when their intentions for me werenāt as good
but I am tired of feeling like Iām a awful person because I consciously can say I want to be in a relationship. I love, love. And I love being loved. Our experiences shape us and everyone is different. My experiences made me have an attachement to relationships because of the way I was treated as a kid I think. The idea that someone I want. Wants me. And we continuously want each other. I love that shit.
I could do myself a favor and not love it at my own expense.
But I am Libra. We are the love sign lol.
My thing I need to work on is when to heed the red flag and walk away from ppl.
Ill try what u suggested.
August 29, 2018 at 9:46 pm in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #223671Jenny LynnParticipantYeah. I guess we will see how this getting over John thing is gonna go.
August 28, 2018 at 10:21 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #223423Jenny LynnParticipantSo what do I do about John…just stop ?
Do I walk away? I donāt think I know how.
If I could have came to this conclusion all on my own I wouldnāt have went bk in the first place.
..I think.
And Glen. I almost every other day I reiterate to myself that the bad may not have been more than the good. But the bad was just too heavy for me and the person I AM.
I hold back and I keep myself from doing what I hope will fade at some point. The want to reach out to him…itās been almost 5 months and we havenāt seen or spoke. š
yet idk if thereās a world where a friendship or …anything really between could exist.
So what? Is everyone gone? Weāre they all mistakes? This is one of those what do I have that correlate all these situations to not working.
āā-
work and life are fine. Not any more or less fine than last time. I still have my plan, Iām going to be bk in school hopefully next year.
And hopefully move bk to where I lived before next year too.
My birthday is next month. Still donāt feel like I have much to celebrate again. But hey.
I wake up everyday so thatāll do for now lol
August 27, 2018 at 5:21 pm in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #223309Jenny LynnParticipantAnita…
So much has been going on in my head.
Why do I miss Glen….like a lot ? Ughh
I feel like Iām second guessing my decision..
& John things are just okay. Nothing spectacular. I donāt know if me and John just arenāt on the same page. Or he just isnāt that into me anymore. Or the fact that I live a hour away stifles our way of doing the dating thing how we are used to.
But it seems like when Iām there things are good. And then I leave and itās like weāre associates of sorts. We donāt really talk when weāre apart and probably see him every 2 weeks and I go up there.
I cant get mad at someone for not feeling exactly how I feel exactly when I feel it but I just sometimes donāt know what to expect from him and our interactions.
I know this isnāt a movie and I didnāt expect him to just leap into my arms the day we met up but since then itās just been kind of the same monotone thing. There are moments of spark but others lack luster. I donāt really give as much as I did before because it is risky me being there exposed; my feelings all out and to do the actions that reflect my feelings would just be too much without any commitment from him. Giving him everything hurt last time so I have kind of a wall up and he can tell.
I try to examine how he is thinking. Last weekend we hung out Friday-Sunday. We went to one of his events out of town and it was nice. But also reminded me of who exactly I was dealing with too.
Nobody is perfect. I know.
But back to my earlier metaphor. I didnāt expect the Disney āoh Iāve been waiting for you all this time letās go get marriedā but itās been 4 months since we have been dating again and I donāt really even feel a shift in his feelings. Like his handling of me is still the same.
We had a discusssion about my feelings on the drive back last Sunday and he just listened and conversed with me. We have a very healthy line of communication. But he as well said that transparently he doesnāt feel that āwantā for me yet. I can appreciate the honesty. Because frankly we both know I didnāt leave my relationship FOR him. And I donāt necessarily want to be in a relationship with him Right Now. I just feel like it should feel different. Or something should be different. But I canāt decide if Iām overthinking it or not.
Hunt and me are threwwww.
If I get nothing less from any of the past guys I interact with. I just want closed/locked doors so I can move on with my life
yes or no answers. In a lot of my lingering relationships in the past I now I noticed the big thing in common was the lack of closure
nothing shutting the door on our relationship but just leave it cracked and then those same dudes who end up not being important effect the relationships Iām actually in. Itās a issue.
Like Hunt ; itās a pretty hard pill to swallow that I literally am fine with never talking to him again . It is a revelation of about 3 weeks ago. However I still think, the birthday fiasco would have never happened if I had realized this before. If I had this closure before that it was clear he doesnāt care about me, we arenāt for each other and so on. But as well being confident in that. So that I donāt even think him because I know I donāt want that anymore based on the clear actions he showed me over the past few months. But that really put a huge strain on my relationship. Itās why we started talking..
As welllll in my months of solitude I have realized many things and to jump back to Glen thatās I guess where these thoughts creep in.
Iāve been doing good with ignoring the Glen thoughts. But (short story) John had 2 events that weekend. The day before I was supposed to come he called me and said yeah so I got booked and I just wanted to tell you since your coming that you can come with. But also I wanted to tell you last time I was here your ex (Glen) was here. So you can decide. Itās up to you if you donāt want to go I understand.
but in that moment. Itās was like he made him a person again. The little box I placed him in my mind is gone and I had to decide whether or not to go.
I didnāt go.
For more than 1 reason. I was sick. I was kinda tired. But also…because of him.
I canāt place why. But the fact that I didnāt want him to see me there with him Idk what to do with that.
So yeah. Thatās all the anxious thoughts I need help sorting thru. Lol
ill wait for your reply in the morning. š
June 30, 2018 at 6:01 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214815Jenny LynnParticipantYeah probably. But not as drastic as before. Iām not as stressed therefore itās not as consuming.
I find myself a little bored sometimes and get a little restless so I get into my own head.
It more like I know Iām still depressed I just am in a circumstance right now where itās not that bad.
June 28, 2018 at 3:58 pm in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214627Jenny LynnParticipantYeah Iāll Ā need another one. Unfortunately. But A year and a half-2 years isnāt that long. Itās either that or go straight to law school and I just donāt know if thatās what I want.
But yeah Iām trying to just keep everything in perspective
June 28, 2018 at 8:11 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214575Jenny LynnParticipantPublic Health like Administrators for government or healthcare organizations or Project Managers for like emergency protocols and product safety.
I have to get a bachelors 48 hours and then the Masters 44 hours. So about 3 1/2-4 years.
Or get the bachelors and then get my law degree so thatās Ā about 5 years total.
āāā
Oh yea Leo is in a relationship.
And Hunt I donāt think is the guy for me. Itās hard for me to put into words but yeah.
I took a trip to see him on the road for his job. He just makes me feel a little too āfatheredā I donāt really care for it.
June 28, 2018 at 7:16 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214569Jenny LynnParticipantYeah.
Iām probably going to work part time till Spring and then go back to school for Public Health.
Me and John, Iām just taking it really slow. I missed him so Iām glad to have him back in my life. I just want to not get attached to him too quickly or for no reason. so I keep my distance while I try and get to a better place on my own.
June 28, 2018 at 6:23 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214559Jenny LynnParticipantItās going fine. Iām just enjoying being around him again.
The headline however was true. I do still love him. Never stopped.
I donāt think it invalidates the feelings we both know I have/had (whatever) for Glen. However, after seeing him that first time. I knew what I had been thinking was true. I still loved him.
We are just casually hanging out. Itās fine.
āā-
but yeah itās weird like thinking about the things that trigger memories about him. Like cooking a certain meal or using certain dishes. It gives me this moment of anxiety to the point where I just avoid it really. Itās like I donāt want to do the things that remind me of him. But everything reminds me of him. Smh. Ā So the past 2+ months thatās been supported by my ability to kind of ignore it because I was still out of my normal routine of not having my things and etc when I first came here to my moms. I basically had my clothes and air mattress. But as I said above as I started to just do small things like cooking instead of eating out. He just pops into my head and I get sad and donāt want to do it. We moved this week and I swear I havenāt slept in my bed in almost 3 months. I talked about how excited I was and then the day I could sleep in it I found myself at my moms apartment on my air mattress. I thought to myself why am I not going to sleep in my bed? So I psyched myself up and got my stuff and came to my moms new house at like 11:30 at night. I literally made up my bed and was about to get in it and I just didnāt want to. This overwhelming sadness just came over me. Like this was OUR bed. He literally built this bed for us. Itās been 4 nights now and I still have residue feelings even as I sleep. Itās weird.
āāāāā-
Things with my mom are fine. She just bought a house so I have my own space now. Itās much more comfortable. Iām not working right now though. I left my job probably the day after I talked to you last.
June 28, 2018 at 5:35 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214547Jenny LynnParticipantIām doing good/ok. Been with my mom now for 3 months. Me and Glen stayed broken up. We havenāt talked since that day. Iāve seen John we are hanging out.
Recently Iāve just had this overwhelming sense of missing Glen and no one to talk to about it :/
Maybe itās because of the recent move into my moms house forced me to look at all of our stuff again and/or acknowledge our stuff. Because when I came I kind of only had my necessities until she closed on her house.
Hmm. Yea. I donāt know what Iām going thru.
June 27, 2018 at 9:48 pm in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #214509Jenny LynnParticipantHey Anita. Long time no talk. š
April 12, 2018 at 10:55 am in reply to: HELP Am I in a relationship but still in love with my ex? Cant figure it out! #202059Jenny LynnParticipantYeah that makes sense.
Hunt just operates on his own time. Itās not like he is necessarily late or not punctual. He just prioritizes himself and his convenience first. He does have a kinda busy life (I used to not understand that).
I respect it really. But it still annoys me.
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