Hi Britney,

Sorry for the delayed response, I’ve been getting ready for Thanksgiving. This being a “direct donation” did cross my mind early on, but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t matter. The result is an untenable one for me and I’ve not been in contact for nearly three weeks now. He sends me email from strange email accounts, yelling at me for ignoring him. I delete them and block each account.

I don’t envy this woman having his child. He is emotionally abusive and it’s only a matter of time before his mask slips. The sad part is there will be a child involved.

Hi Anita,

The problem with the therapy is she is the only one who specializes in trauma in my insurance network. There are other ones, but they are $180/session, I would be paying OOP.

Re: my mother. I am very low contact with her. I don’t call her, I don’t take her calls and I don’t respond to her texts. My son and I are flying to my hometown for Thanksgiving next week and I am kind of dreading it, because my mother will be around. I have other family members I’d like to see, but my mother will be there, too. I just “grey rock” around her. I give binary answers, I don’t ask reciprocal questions and I cut the conversation off if I feel like she’s trying to get a rise out of me. It is so much better than the way we used to spend holidays with her. She would create these chaotic, dramatic scenes before dinner and storm out, ruining everyone’s holiday. It’s still exhausting to be around her, because my guard is always up, but much preferable to her dramatic nonsense. I’ve booked a hotel for my son and me, so we’ll have our own physical and mental space.

But I can start a thread to discuss abusive mothers, if you wish. 🙂

Hi Inky-

Thanks for laughs. I really needed them.

He was totally indifferent about having kids. I think this woman asking him for a donation really gave the old ego a boost.

I did ask him why someone would want sperm from a 50 year old man and he got all offended. It degrades with age, too. There’s a reason banks won’t accept it from men beyond 40.

I have no idea who has asked him for this. But I hope she is cool with having someone in her life who gives silent treatments, sulks, stonewalls and lies. Because whether she likes it or not, she is TETHERED to him.

Hi Eliana-

I was kind of thinking that, I just didn’t want to influence anyone by using terms. I started suspecting about 2 years ago, but when we are together, I think maybe I am wrong. He is a different person when we are together. But this morning make it clear I need to leave. He did contact me again to call me an “idiot” for asking for proof of threats of violence. He never answered me or provided proof.

Hi Anita-

The reason I didn’t give a specific example is because it was political in nature. He told me he hates immigrants and I am the product of immigrants. He has called me racial epithets and then told me to lighten up when I asked him to stop. Another time in the middle of a silent treatment, my grandmother had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease and even then, he didn’t stop his silent treatment. He never mentioned it or asked about her.

I have no idea why he accused me of physical threats. I was turning this over and over as I was out on my walk. I think it is because I don’t like violence, because my mom used to beat me. He thinks she’s a monster and doesn’t know why I still talk to her. I think he might think he is insulting me by comparing me to my mom, maybe?

I have told him many times that it makes me upset that I don’t feel heard and acknowledged. He just ignores it. I have asked him to listen to me and acknowledge me. It makes me really upset and I try to get him to engage.