Shipp –

First and foremost I truly do appreciate the depth in your answers. They have been extremely helpful to have handy while I try to break down this relationship looking back.

Again, I wasn’t perfect. I have a knack for shutting down on people when I’m upset about something. This is a trait I picked up from my Mom. I remember when I was growing up and she wasn’t happy about something she would just shut down. She would get real quiet and act as if nothing was wrong when you asked her “What’s wrong?”. Turns out she picked up this trait from her mom. So yes, the cycle just keeps continuing.

If anything this relationship has taught me that I can’t do that to people. If I’m upset by something, I need to bring it up.

Back to my Ex. What I found really interesting, and what your comments have helped to illuminate, is that when our relationship was less formal, i.e. just the two of us seeing each other twice a week, being intimate, having dinner together and her spending the night; she was more willing to ask me if I was OK when I would shut down on her. I remember on one occasion she sent me a text “Are you OK? Are we going to be OK?”, which felt good.

However, it wasn’t until I pushed to get more serious with the relationship did she start acting unaffected when I was upset with something. It’s almost as if when I finally became totally emotionally vulnerable with her, expecting her to do the same with me, she sucked back the little bits of vulnerability she had already shown to me previously. Your answer has helped me understand why that may have been the case. I think it also explains how a month after the breakup she was posting pictures of herself dressed up and happy enjoying the nightlife in the city. I think she enjoys the honeymoon part of relationships but doesn’t want or can’t handle something deeper.

At the end of the day, I think her and I both are at fault here. I think we both truly did enjoy each other’s company and do care for each other. It’s just that right now we both have issues that make being together impossible. I also realize that I won’t ever have a relationship with her again in the future. But I do love her and hope she has a nice life.

• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Jonathan Ellis.
• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Jonathan Ellis.
• This reply was modified 8 years ago by Jonathan Ellis.

Anita:

Thank you for the well thought out response.

I’m not going to reach out to her again. I do have a lawyer that the court appointed me. She is very confident that she can get this reduced to a simple infraction that wouldn’t even go on my record as this is the only legal trouble I’ve ever been in. So I’m not really worried about that.

I am just heartbroken that things ended with her the way they did. We had such a good relationship for that first year and now this. I think we’re both to blame but I just wish she wouldn’t be so thick headed about leaving me so quickly the way she did. It’s just an utter shame. All those memories and moments we shared together, gone.