Dear Anita,

1) They worried about my safety as I was only around 10-11 years old that time.

2) They will say things like I am talkative, always talked about celebrities stuff and gossip in school (I slightly did but they over exaggerated to my mom), that I was so fierce and scolding people (Which I did not). Teachers also claimed that I like to gossip based on what she heard from my classmates about my behavior, and claimed that I get angry easily (I have this unfriendly face which born naturally)… and told me to behave myself.

Dear Anita and Mary,

Let me go on a little detailed of my story. Back then in my primary school, I had a classmate who thought I was a brilliant kid and started looking me as her competitor in academics. I wasn’t aware of it until we graduated. They were friendly and nice to me on the surface but backstabbed me and spread rumors about me to others as well as to the teachers. I did nothing to defend myself, I sat in the class quietly.  In high school, it was worse. Everyone called me a pretentious and phony because I can speak and write fluent English. For your information, the people in the city I grew up generally speak their Mother tongue, Mandarin. I was so emo and devastated, I did nothing wrong and why would I receive all these. People hated me without any reason. I wasn’t the good-looking, smartest kids in the class back then.

When I started college, there was one semester I did extremely well, I was shocked as I obtained a GPA of 3.92/4.00 during that particular semester. I did not study much though. Since then, I always wanted to achieve better, and I worked hard every semester and in all my assessments. However, the more I want to succeed, the more stressed I am. I began to lose contacts with people around me and solely focus on studies. Now, I almost finish my studies and I look back, my university life is so mundane, boring and sad. My classmates are all having fun but there’s me, alone and helpless. Sometimes I questioned myself a lot back then whether is focusing on academics without having fun was a right thing to me….

Dear Anita,

I spend a lot of time worrying about what people think about me. Sometimes, it took me a week or A MONTH to be worried about it. Most people in my age tend to have fun, go out a lot. At some points, I really wanted to give up my studies to just have fun and socialize. Working hard on academics also caused me to have anxiety especially during exam time.

During my school days, I wasn’t good looking. As years went by, I started looking slightly more decent now after learning makeup and putting braces to correct my teeth in university. And that’s when those people who hurt and betrayed me from the past start looking at my social media more often. I always want to live better than them. I wanted to tell them my life is better than theirs. That’s why I occasionally will show off some expensive stuff I bought and post them on social media. I know this is not good but I can’t help it.

Dear F.R.,

Thank you for your comment.

I did approach the counselor in my university. However, I don’t think it is very helpful as what he mostly said were the good sides of me rather than criticizing my problem. I always think the people I meet nowadays will be the same people I met in the past. As I grow older, I thought back and I realized there was something wrong. During this 2 years, I kept on thinking my past, in detailed of what went wrong and get upset later on. I cannot even enjoy doing things I love the most like shopping, watching movie and reading. It disturbs me a lot and that’s why I started posting stuff here to seek advice and suggestions.

What I crave for now is a happy and joyful life.

Hi Mark,

Thank you for spending time reading my post. I did what you mentioned before – listing goals, asking myself questions who I want to become, what I should focus in life. However, it didn’t last long. Along the journey, I encountered a lot of disappointments as well. I always imagine that one day I will be a successful person filled with happiness and joy, I still think like this now actually. But sometimes, I feel that I won’t be able to reach there. I have this negative thought that whatever good things I want it to happen, eventually it will be spoiled by something bad.

It is easier said than done. Previously, I googled a lot. I read a lot saying that at the end of the day, we will live the kind of life that we desire. It may not happen now, but soon, later, at last it will happen. Also, a lot of people said eventually the right person (friends and boyfriend/girlfriend) will come into life. But I found that no matter what I do, I seem like don’t have a friend which I can share everything to. I know my problem, that I am not open enough to people. I scared betrayal, I worried what if the past friendship problem will still happen to me, that’s why I kind of distance myself from people and prefer to do things most of the time.

But recently, I met someone and we are dating now. I want to improve my life, to be a more optimistic person. With all the stress in studies, sometimes I cried a lot and wonder why my life is so miserable.