Pikeman,

i wouldnt give her an ultimatum. I know that would get things off of your chest, but it wont effectively help the situation in your favor of staying together. She will likely move out at that point.

i know how it feels, so exhausting that you just want it to be over with, but want it to end in your favor. Its a process. The hardest part is waiting it out without making the mistakes. As han beings, others on the outside think we can be coached as puppets on a string and follow the advice without our emotions getting involved, where we will make mistakes. It honestly feels impossible to follow the advice. Personally, i know how to treat situations in order to have them fall in my favor, but my emotions get too heightened at times that i cannot hold off from continuing to have involvement for my closure.

i do believe that in your situation, you need communication of the current situation, and you dont want to be toyed with. At first she wasnt touching you, now she is, but still is talking of moving out. That makes it confusing. These are the types of behaviors that cause people to break down and give up. The best you can do is talk when she brings things up, and just try to demonstrate being as centered as possible.

if you are feeling the jittery feeling and wrenching in your gut, i honestly feel for you. Its really tough and hopefully you can get some resolve.

Pikeman,

i applaud you for coming to a site like this and venting. I never knew it existed either until i was severely stressed and needed the same.

i still feel for you, being in a situation of limbo and not knowing what the next day will bring. It can be agonizing. One day you want to move on and be strong, the next feels like a ton of bricks on your chest.

i always think to myself, how its possible for all of these men out there to stay happily married. I know to be happy every day is unrealistic, its a mind set to know the ups and downs are expected. But i too have struggled through all of my relationships at some point, of mentally checking out and thinking that it could be better with someone else. But once im clear minded, i know thats not the truth. Our emotions can get the best of us, even when we know what is right and wrong. Its such a tough realization.

dont feel bad about having those thoughts. Trust me, even if this all goes back to normal for you, there will come another time that you will have these same thoughts, just make sure you dont act on them or have them cause you any material hardships. Keep those thoughts to yourself and have the fantasy if you cant control them, but be sure not to act on it.

PikeMan,

there is no fault in panicking when being blindsided. Ive done it myself and every man will if they have never dealt with these situations.

having your children as your priority will always keep you straight.

as for her text to you, thats heart wrenching to read, as i have read it before myself. She has to deal with this situation on her own, and all you can do is wait and continue to be there for your kids and provide. I wouldnt write this off completely though. Feelings change like the weather and can surely change for the better in this particular situation. I know from experience that ive felt one way before, and felt different a month later as a male, and females can change as well.

if she moves onto relationship, there is no changing that. What women often do is “check out” long before they notify the man, so they grieve on their own before the break up, so when it actually happens, they have gone through the stages already, as opposed to the man who had no idea it was even coming, and will look to struggle for quite some time ahead. Women seem to move on easier as well because of this fact, and i truly believe they follow this exact method. Men seem to deal with much more regret when leaving situations, as they trust their instinct initially, followed by seeing how they feel about their decision afterward.

you cannot feel bad for someone if she did not actively communicate the issues to you in order to save your relationship. By that i mean it should have been voiced many times in a marriage because a marriage is supposed to be a forever bond, for better or worse. If she did make attempts and you did not change, taking her for granted, then you will learn from this. But lack of communication can be often overlooked when you have the amount of responsibilities that he two of you have had for the length of time you have been together.

time will expose the entire situation for what it actually is. I have always followed my gut instinct on these things and have found there is always more to the story. One thing is, if there is a lack of clarity, there is something being left out. If it were straightforward, you may not like what you are being told, but there would be no question as to why it ended. So keep in mind that you may not be totally at fault.

Consider how hard it is to change yourself, and youll understand what little chance you have in changing others.

feel free to ask me questions anytime. Like ive said, ive never been married and dont have kids, but i have been through both sides of some tough break ups, as well as witnessed a handful from ones close to me.

Mackenzie,

like i said before, you can use those forms of connection with others, just dont do it unless you feel in control of your communication. The dating apps will open you up to a world you have never witnessed and it was very difficult to me to steer clear of talking to multiple women at one time, or even women who i wouldnt normally be interested in simply based on convenience.

the truth is we are all in control of our actions, just cannot allow pressure to cause us to cave. So if you do decide to attempt them, approach with the same goals and values that you have now, and dont waver.