Hi Sammy, glad you had a nice mother’s day, my mother was very happy with bouquet of flowers she received from myself!

Today is the best I’ve felt in ages, been very energetic and upbeat with everyone at the place I work and I’m trying to focus on the goals and things I want to do this year that I will enjoy, granted I know this is an upswing on the roller coaster of emotions but it sure does feel good and a relief to get away from those negative and sad emotions, I just wish this would last for ever! I think I am slowly coming to terms that it is really over now and that she has really moved on for good this time which is for the best for both of us.

In terms of moving on to try replace the void so soon, don’t worry I’m not actively pursuing this and being desperate because I know need to heal first and also it’s not something I want to chase, I’ve tried dating apps and they just do not work for me anyway, I would definitely rather meet someone in person in a unscripted scenario, that was what felt really good when I first met her, it came out of nowhere!

Again you are actually on the money with how I’ve been, my previous relationship was too comfortable and I took her for granted, a case of I didn’t know what I had until I lost it and she really was a nice attractive girl who if met at this point in my life I would of appreciated a lot more so yeah I was definitely approaching this most recent relationship to make amends for my previous one.

One thing that is annoying is she likes to like my mother’s and sisters statuses on fb, she really liked my mum and they was still messaging before Christmas on a friends basis which I wasn’t happy about but let it go because I didn’t want to seem petty and interfere, however since she broke a promise to my mum to leave me alone she has since said she doesn’t really want to communicate with her like that anymore and kept any response short just to be amicable, I suppose this is something I will have to live with for the moment but will undoubtedly fizzle out.

I know what your about time for starting a family etc., it’s not something I constantly fret about, I think just with social media and people who are close to you experiencing these moments, I personally get lost in the pursuit of happiness in my mind and leaves me feeling empty and abnormal, I know that’s not really the important issue at the moment, it’s healing from a big loss that has affected my life that takes priority, I am starting to truly believe this can all be learning curves to a better path so I won’t stop believing, I know everyday is going to be up and down for a while and that’s why I appreciate this thread and you fine people for listening and responding, for me personally it really means a lot to have this support.

Hi Danny, thanks for the reply, I am trying I really am, it’s so hard to be positive at the moment as I feel a great deal of sadness especially the last week, I have implemented all of those measures to continue the healing process, I no longer have her number, we’re not friends on fb and I haven’t contacted her and really don’t feel the need to but that doesnt help with wanting her in my life and knowing that she is moving on with dating other people.

Of course I want a more level relationship with getting as much as I’m putting in, it was more than physical intimacy for me as I really connected with similar interests and same kind of humour etc., felt really close as in sharing a lot deep feelings and speaking everyday, i just had a deep feeling of wanting to be there for this person regardless of what’s happened.

At the moment I just feel as though I won’t recover from this fully ever but then I haven’t been in this situation previously, I’m guessing my body and mind will adapt after a period of time and I won’t even notice, at the moment I’m not enjoying any activity I used to, my mood is irregular around my friends and family, I don’t even enjoy eating any type of food at the moment. All I can do is stick to my routine and try keep as busy as I can and in time I will think about it all less and less and get to a better place in myself.

Also we’ve had that talk before but it doesn’t stop her from reconnecting with me, anyway 8 know that it only goes one way from here and it will never stop until I let go so this how I’m trying to be instill this in my mind, I just cannot keep feeling like this anymore, I’ve accepted I can’t just shut the feelings off so it is just a case of working on myself and looking to the future and the possibilities, I believe in the fact this is temporary and things will get better.

Also thank you nbc for your comment, I am not ashamed to be a sensitive person and wear my heart on my sleeve but also be a strong minded person who believes in my own morals, thanks for reading and responding, I will get through this to a better place!

Hi guys, not at all! Everything you are saying is totally true and the advice is the right advice, I just don’t feel strong enough at this time to put it into action, there will be a moment when it finally clicks and I will have had enough, believe me it is tilting that way and I really do appreciate the non judgement in any decision I make dealing with my issues after you have both kindly devoted your free time to provide very insightful and intelligent advice, I’m just at a difficult moment in my life and trying as best I can to navigate through it, I had a deep conversation with my closest friend last night who doesn’t normally like talking about it because it upsets him seeing me like this over someone who really isn’t worth it, I also explained about this thread and how it has been helpful in being able to express my feelings and get outside views.

Honestly Danny the last post was such a good analysis and something I can read over and over until it sinks in, I can assure you that I will not be making any contact my end as I have done all the chasing I can, if she was to contact me she would probably be able to convince me but I really doubt that is going to happen this time anyway and as I said I’m not clinging onto that hope.

My self esteem is that low that in my mind I do really doubt of being able to be with someone who can provide the love that I’m able to give and this is better than nothing for me which is ridiculous when you say that out loud, I do say to myself though after going through this and getting to that moment of meeting someone it will be an incredible feeling after feeling this way for such a long time.

I really am grateful for your responses and as I said when I’m having the confusing, sad moments I’ve got them read over and over to give me some perspective and don’t worry I’ll be sure to come back and update or request further advice if need be so thank you.

Hi Sammy, once again thank you for your time to respond and encouragememt to speak out, it means a lot.

It comes and goes to be honest, I’m quite lucky to have a job that takes up most of the day so it helps with not much time to dwell on things, I will have moments where I think I can’t accept what is happening and then I will be able to rationalise with that’s how it is right now and it is out of my control, at the moment I’m not ready to completely rule anything out and trying to not to think too far ahead and concentrate on taking each day as it comes.

I know deep down that it is not right and probably won’t be ever, I just miss having this person in my life so much as we do really get on but there is no way I can accept being just friends at the moment because the thought of her being with someone else will destroy me, so it’s better out of sight out of mind, I suppose the reason it’s hard to let go is because of the past and the fact she has come back to me previously and I just can’t help but think there is something there for her also but if I’m honest with myself she wouldn’t keep doing this if it was strong enough. If she had left it at the first or second time then it would been a whole lot easier to accept but now I’m forever thinking she’s not letting go and isn’t moving on so there must be something. Also it may be the chase and challenge of wanting something that I can’t have, the euphoria I have experienced when she comes back into my life is second to no other feeling I’ve ever had, that being said the trauma of when I get rejected is far outweighing this now.

Maybe it is just the thought of being with someone, I was single for a long time before this started and forgot what it was like to have feelings for someone, it hasn’t always been bad, we have had some really nice periods together but just not consistent, she definitely has commitment issues, her last bf was quite horrible to her after initially sweeping her off feet, her children also have different dads as well so it is consistent pattern that things generally don’t stick with her and think she has that mindset going into relationships and also had a difficult upbringing which she does reference a lot.

As I said initially, I was not interested in pursuing a relationship with her but just curious to be around her and it was exciting but I have grown to have very strong feelings and was very much on board with pursuing something more, I’ve met them all and get on well with them and they seemed to like me and that was a big thing for me as not really be in that scenario previously.

I don’t think I’m unattractive, I know I’m not bad looking and can make people laugh, my worst criticism is my confidence, I’m just very shy and don’t really put myself out there enough for fear of rejection which is something I’m trying to work on, In fact yesterday evening I went to see some friends for a couple of drinks after work so I wasn’t indoors thinking everything over and at the end of the evening I did have an urge to reach out which I did stop myself and I’m very good at doing that usually so can’t see myself slipping up there, I left the ball in her court so if I don’t hear from her then there is no reason to speak anymore.

Anyway there is a girl who I’ve known for a while who I get on well with and been messaging on a friendly basis through the latest lockdown and she messaged me last night, what timing when I felt a bit down! Anyway I thought why not ask her out for a drink, what’s the worst that can happen and? and she was very responsive to this so we are arranging this for next month when hospitality reopens, I’m not saying this is an answer to the problem of getting over someone who I deeply care about but it has given my self confidence a huge boost and something else to think about for now so we’ll just see what happens, surely there is no harm in this? There is definitely attraction there from both sides but never followed through with a date as such so who knows what will become of it.

Again thank you for your time in assessing my situation and provide your thoughts, its feel good to get it all out and share!

Danny your views are also very insightful, you are not saying anything I don’t know deep down in my gut feeling and yes I am a fellow man! Although the way I’ve feel not so much, I’m very well known and liked by people in my area, even so much as people would say to her you’ve got a good one to her if we was out which I hated because I felt it added more pressure.

Honestly I’m aware I’ve been accepting a situation that is not right but love is blind I suppose and I don’t know any better at the moment but I must stress when I started seeing this person I was a mess, I couldn’t even understand why she was attracted to me on the first place due to compatibility etc. M, maybe she just wanted a fling due to her own circumstances but for me it grew into something I wanted more, she still says now there is something between us, probably breadcrumbs but I do feel it hence why I never give up, it’s so out of character I’ve discarded good friends for less, I’ve left it now at non contact and just trying to get on with own my life and goals.

Your words are spot on though, you should consider a role in being a therapist if your ever lost for a career path!

Hi all, new to this thread, I have read through from the start and I must say what an amazing community, other forums do not get near the amount of empathy this does and have found them unsympathetic, after reading through and being able to mirror a lot of the trauma and feelings it has been comforting to know I’m not the only one feeling this way and also to see the success in people getting over them to a happy place in life.

I was a little disappointed to see the thread has died down now as I go to the end as it seems most people have resolved the issues they had and are in better places now so not sure of it is worthwhile me posting my story now for peoples views, opions etc.

In case I would like to say I appreciated the thread as it has been insightful and helpful all the same