Yeah it was a picture Danny, looked very cosy, I don’t know the ins and outs and really don’t want to, I’m not gonna lie I was keeping tabs now and again but after how that affected me I don’t want any exposure at all.

I never thought it would come to going to a doctor for help and believe me I’m not ashamed in the slightest if it will help, I’m a little disappointed because I’ve had several opportunities previous to leave everything and probably avoid it but who knows I may uncover more issues that will help me going forward. I really just want to be over the obsessive thinking of someone who doesn’t feel the same, it’s a waste of energy.

I’ve always wanted to go to Asia, Thailand or somewhere like that so end of the year if I can I will be arranging that. I do keep telling myself everything will work out for the better even if its hard to see at the moment, I’ve got some nice new clothes to wear and I’m looking pretty trim so yeah when I can in the right frame of mind to enjoy socialising my time will come lol and hopefully have a great summer!

Thank you though once again mate, you and Sammy really are fantastic people with hearts of gold to interact regularly and show concern to someone who is clearly having a hard time, it really does mean a lot!

Thanks Sammy, not only the next day I didn’t even enjoy it in the moment either! I just didn’t know what to do after learning of that information on Thursday and just didn’t appeal to have a bender over the weekend so have I just chilled and coming to terms with it. The social media I will leave off until I feel like I can go on there without the temptation of seeing something that will disturb me any further, I’m not that active on there so it won’t do me any harm to not have access to it for a while.

I think I have suffered from anxiety beforehand but has just been amplified since going through this on/off relationship for 18 months, last couple of days has probably been the worst its been, I’m sceptical whether a doctor would been able to help me and I really don’t want to take any medication but people close to me are adamant I should speak to someone.

I don’t even feel angry about it to be honest, I want her to be happy and at some point when I feel like I can without harming myself mentally would like to have some sort of friendship although that’s probably a long way off.

I am gonna get through it in time I know that, how long we will see, thanks for your supportive words, they have been a comfort to read

Thank you that means a lot, I like to think I am intelligent just naive in love lol! Its okay no one was being insensitive they know I would rather know to speed up the healing process, the key to this whole thing is she never let go and moved on even though she knew I wasn’t long term and me being me just didn’t want accept that and has made it more difficult by dragging it out, now I can finally start to move on in my own mind, I know I should done this off my own back but I just never wanted to give up on the thought of fairy tale ending, probably watched too many films lol.

I will be fine, the weekend will be a downer but mindset can now change for me, sometimes I think it takes the person you care about to move on before you can, this was the case for my last relationship.

I do appreciate your words though! If you can detect that through txt from a stranger hopefully someone will grab it with both hands in real life and appreciate it! I do know though self love is the key element for me first of all, I’ll post up if I struggle over the weekend with any thoughts!

Guys I’ve literally just been informed she is seeing someone else now and I’m devastated to say the least, I obviously knew this was going to happen but I’ve just had a full on panic attack and feel so upset, in a sense this will be closure though because even though I know I deserve better I still always thought if she didn’t move on then at some point something would change (wishful thinking).

I haven’t any plans no doubt it will be a tough one now, I’ve got friends I can see, I just need to be careful I don’t go overboard on drinking as I will feel terrible, the goals I set was just trying to save as much money as possible so I can fund a holiday at the end of the year if I can go, I wanted to get some tattoos, upgrade the car I recently bought and I wanted to get back into dj’ing for a hobby as I used to really enjoy it, I was going to buy a set up after saving up.

Don’t even know how I’m going to get through this next stage lol

Hi Danny, that’s fine mate, hope all is well! If I’m honest I haven’t posted for a week as I hit a bit of brick wall and have really struggled to stay positive of late, probably mild depression and a sense of finality, it will be 5 weeks nc Friday and it’s not getting any easier to be honest if not worse, I’m trying to not lose sight of the bigger picture and how I will be better off in the long run but at the moment it feels hard to believe.

I have been eating better and I’m still working as hard as I can as that is what is keeping me going at the moment, sleeps okay as well but now I’m experiencing dreams of her which is not pleasant also. The sunny day yesterday although it was nice to get some vitamin D, brought up the memory of last year when we started talking again and the high that gave me of her being in my life again. I’m just struggling to be myself around friends and enjoy any moments with them, last night I went to a meal to celebrate and good friends 6 year sobriety and I couldn’t wait to go home, I am finding being at home a comfort zone at the moment which is worrying me a little in trying to find a happy place.

I’ve pretty much accepted I’m not going to be able to shift these feelings at the moment and I’m gonna be in for a rough time, how long that will be I don’t know but I’m feeling a great of sense of grief at the moment.

Sorry for the negative response, I am trying to laugh it off when I can but it is very much fake it until you make it for me at the moment, I know from your perspective I haven’t lost a great deal because of the way I was treated but at this point in time I’m really suffering from the loss of the dream of it working out.

I’m not saying I’ve slipped into a constant state of this, I’ve reconnected with some old friends and my sister has been a real emotional sponge for me and have a strong bond at the moment but at the moment it’s a different mood each day.

I will of course battle on and keep focused on the goals I’ve set myself! Hopefully this sad state will fade and I can get back to being a better, happier version of myself.

Thanks for that response Sammy, actually makes a lot of sense and I was not expecting that to be honest, generally it’s to avoid an exes social media but then you can’t win because you will be curious to know in the earlier stages, be nice when I won’t care! I’ve felt better as the day has gone on to be honest, like you said feel the emotions and ride the wave, it’s out of my control and its hasn’t in the slightest made me want to reach out so I can’t damage myself that way.

Yes guilty I’m afraid I have been rule bending s little and going to my friend I work with for a small social gathering now and again, I am from the UK and I knows its wrong in a sense but I would be going out of  my mind at the moment!

Before I started dating her gaming was my go to where I found relaxation and a social element but after reflecting on what I wanted in life I lost interest in doing it as a hobby as it was consuming a lot of my time and did not really do much apart from go out to the pub, anyway its a welcome distraction when I haven’t got a lot to do and have a good network of friends to speak to with on there. With TV you are correct I can’t really watch any indepth that’s new to me, I just rewatch stuff I enjoyed in the past and the football mainly.

I actually wanted to say also that I reread all your entries from this thread from the beginning over the weekend and I have to say the transformation from where you was at the start of your journey to where you are now is amazing, gives me real inspiration to get to where I would like to be. I wished I had wrote a journal from when we split in September so I could of seen my own progress on paper although it’s my mind, just from starting this job the confidence it’s given me has been a godsend.

Moving into a new home how exciting, will be the start of a new chapter for you and timing is excellent for hopefully the end phase of this horrible past year of lockdowns and uncertainty, I wish you all the luck in the world as you certainly deserve it with kind nature to help people in this thread!

I’m sorry to keep you from your work! My job has periods where I get a lot of down time so able to post, only downside is lots of periods where my thoughts run wild.

It will still hurt me to see her on move on with someone else because for a long time I’ve really wanted to be that person, I accepted everything that the relationship would of been in terms of how I would get due to her children and time but I was fine with those conditions and wanted to help her in anyway I could, but yeah her actively looking to talk and connect with other people and not even being bothered by telling me that is the final straw and is making me want to move on finally, I cant keep being her blanket when things don’t work out for her, I have been making excuses for far too long why she exhibits the behaviour she does and there is not many people who would have tolerated it for this long but I will keep reading that passage back because you are right!

It will be the same for me, she will undoubtedly move on first and I won’t meddle, hopefully I’m not exposed to it for a long time although we live quite close so always a chance I will see her out.

It’s a great outlook, I would also feel guilt when hurting others as I know full well what it feels like and is the worst feeling in the world.

I know in time my mind will rule over my heart and I will take her off the pedestal, I could write a whole page of flaws, I suppose when you at this stage of a breakup you wonder if anyone will make you feel the same way you did about that particular person.

Afternoon Sammy, today has been a bit crash and burn, I know it’s because I had a late night and found it difficult to shut off so feeling lethargic today, looking forward to an early night!

Its the current ex who is really fond of my mum and I would never intervene in that, my mum has made her own mind up about that as she contacted me when she said she would leave me alone but doesn’t want it to be awkward as she frequents the place where she works and will bump into her.

In regards to my previous relationship I was just young, immature and arrogant, where she was so sweet and nice there was no boundaries and felt I could do whatever I wanted, I never cheated or anything like that because even then I would never do such a thing but I would go out to clubs and pubs a lot with friends and just generally neglect her but not spend anytime with her which was a shame on my part because we went on holidays together and shared some good memories, for the last 3 months it was obviously fading out and I still done nothing about it and then after she went away for a week with her work and then decided she wanted to break up, I didn’t even take it seriously at first because I was so sure from how much she loved me we would sort things, how wrong I was and then when I realised what had actually happened it really hit me hard because I knew it would be tough to find someone like that again so I learnt a massive lesson, after a couple of weeks of begging to sort things out I just cut contact then found out a couple of months later she had a new bf, I was really bitter about the breakup but after time I realised it was all my own fault, I’ve never bumped into her in all time either so never had to chance to say I was sorry for the way I was, as it turned out she is someone who treats her well and they have kids together so I’m happy that it turned out well for her and got what she deserved. The whole experience did teach to become a better person without realising but put me off of relationships for a long time until I met my most recent ex.

I know a lot of social media is fake and try not to take much notice, it’s OK when your in a good place but can be toxic if your not. I’m all good going strong have no desire to reach out and been nearly 3 weeks now, I know I’ve got a long road ahead though and is so draining with the thoughts rattling around my head but got to keep thinking it’s only temporary and somewhere along the line is going to be happy and content place for myself.