Hi Sammy, I’m feeling a lot better today and have renewed sense of strength within, I’ve not been focusing so much on the past but trying to think positively about the future, I’ll ride the wave as long I can lol.

I would never change my core values, I’m very proud of how I am, I know my qualities and there is definitely someone out there who would appreciate them, it’s just a shame I’ve ended up being hurt by someone who didn’t value them when I cared so much for them, and yes I really do want to meet someone who accepts me for who I am and understands my issues and wants to support me and help me grow, as it stands I’m doing that by myself which I’m starting to feel good about.

I will wait for the availability of a therapist, I might as well rather than pay for the service, I don’t think I need it desperately as I am coping but will benefit once it becomes available.

I’m not the best at suggesting gifts but you can try a website called getting personal, I’ve bought little gifts from there before, think they do things like a message in a bottle, something like that would really mean the world to me personally.

Weather has been lovely indeed today, I’ve been in a t-shirt trying to get some sun whilst at work!

Afternoon guys, hope your all having a good weekend! Feel a lot better today, last night I come in and fell asleep at half 8 and woke up early, considered sitting in but decided to venture out as it was a nice day, sat down a seafront pub for a few hours and drank j20s! I’ve popped to a friends and will probably go home to chill a bit later.

Sammy I appreciate your last post, a lot of effort and food for thought with that one, I feel I was always authentic with her, she knew how much I was into her and would do anything for her, this gave her all the power and i think this caused her to lose attraction, something I will definitely be working on for any future relationships where I will not be trying so hard to people please. The anxiety comes and goes, I think it’s mainly after periods where I am overthinking, today I’ve not had much time to think about things from socialising so really I need to be putting myself in more situations where I’m not able to overthink. I know once I speak to someone and learn CBT techniques that will also help.

The question you asked about the birthday gift, my personal view would to be get something with a lot of thought and too expensive, me personally I hate to receive gifts even at Christmas but if its something that’s had a lot of thought it’s made me feel really emotionally happy and meant a lot. I’m sure he will feel the same and you cannot be annoyed at someone showing how much they care by giving you a thoughtful gift.

Danny can’t believe you reported me lol, I had to look back at what I wrote and thought I had offended someone! All good, thanks for the words of encouragement.

Sammy your right I have made it through a difficult week, hopefully this one I will feel better, today has been a breath of fresh air, I’ve stuck to laying off the booze which is a big thing for me and I’ve got out of my house and socialised without being too sad so onwards and upwards 🙂

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Jay.

Thanks Danny, I appreciate the time and effort in that last post, I will certainly give the first post some time and consideration and then let you know my views.

Last weekend I had no plans and feared for the worst and it was okay, I’m not sure where the anxiety has come from there’s no specific reason, today I’ve not felt an overwhelming urge to know what’s going on with her or to check SM or sadness about things which I feel a sense of relief about today.  I’ve found this week quite challenging mentally so I’ll be glad to see the back of it. I think I will start getting myself together in the next couple of weeks and try to start making plans so I’ve got something to look forward, I haven’t really felt up to doing that recently but I thinks it’s important to start making positive plans.

Sammy you have a such a way with words you really do! Always said with empathy and understanding, along with overthinking I also have a very good memory and although I’m trying to prioritise the bad memories I can’t seem to stop the good ones popping into my head either.

I fell asleep early again yesterday and slept through until 3am, struggling a bit with anxiety again but not as bad as it was before. I agree I’m nowhere near ready to pursue a serious relationship and it’s not something I want to consider, sure it would be nice to have someone new to talk to for comfort but no one current on the radar, we’ll see what happens, I’m just taking each as it comes and dealing with my emotions, I know I will be okay and will get through this. I know my thoughts run wild and can get me down but my actions are in check, I don’t feel to need to reach because as you said its pointless and will only prolong the pain, its actually been the longest period of time without contact since we first started dating so it’s progress in itself, I’ve also not touched alcohol since good Friday and I feel great for that also and don’t intend for the time being, so I know I’m doing things to aid my recovery.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Jay.

Hi Sammy, i think it was more to do with being emotionally and mentally exhausted why I slept so well, either way it was well needed. I agree fully with everything you said there and it is very good advice. I haven’t experienced anything like that for a very long time and ideally that’s all I want to feel content. I know that I wouldn’t let this past relationship cast doubt over future ones and hold me back, I think I’m pretty much one of those people who won’t fully get over someone until they meet another person who makes them feel the same way or better.

I do trust everything you say Sammy, you are living proof of that last post, I’m sure once I get to talk about this to someone and dissect everything I will be able to learn better thought patterns instead of going back to the same ones, in the meantime I’m functioning, I’m keeping to my routine and I’m keeping faith in better days coming eventually.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Jay.

Evening all, I’m okay, just not felt great today, the tablets I take can be inconsistent for the 1st couple of weeks so I’m just trying to battle on, earlier finish today which was needed, I just wanted to get home and chill, gonna have an early night and hopefully feel a bit better tomorrow, I wanted to wait until I passed from this current mood before replying lol.

It’s nice you guys can say I’m a good catch based on my posts, thank you for that nice compliment, I think you are all wonderful and considerate people, I know my posts are mainly focused on myself but I am just as invested in your journeys as you are mine 🙂.

I will be back on track and back to where I was, felt so good to be in that mind frame but I do understand its not always going to be plain sailing with the attachment I’ve got and I shouldn’t be too hard on myself given how longs it been

Thank you Sammy, I will always be honest on here with you guys, after succumbing to temptation yous and my sister are the only ones I have confessed to, this is because I di really want to beat this addiction and that’s what it is now and I really feel like your all in my corner. The picture change was the trigger, I just felt an urge to have a look even after how I made me feel last time and not knowing what to expect, I suppose where I’ve told myself she’s seeing someone else now I can’t feel any worse and my anxiety is so much better now, I am curious of course to whats happened but it doesn’t change anything, bottom line is I don’t want to feel this way anymore, I want to be free of wanting someone who doesn’t want me back and I’m trying so hard to undo bad habits, I promise you though I will not contact her under any circumstances. I suppose it is loneliness creeping in, it is a reminder of missing the messages, phone calls and banter we used to have, I want to fully accept she’s gone for good but I suppose I’m not quite there yet, I’ve lost count of how long its been now, I think it’s around 8 weeks, I’ll go again though Sammy, I’ll restart the process and slowly but surely I’ll get to a place of peace so I can build a foundation for my future.

Thank you for the prompt reply, I’m feeling fine I’m just a little annoyed with myself for throwing more wood on a fire I want to go out.

Thank you! Its 55 miles each way, probably on average 3 hours a day travelling but I’ve got used to it now, the traffic is creeping up now though everything is getting back to normal. I really like the job and it’s well paid so worthwhile, in a way it saved me, I’ve worked in call centres for the last 10 years and I hated it, probably contributed to my depression over time, I used to struggle to get up at half 7 then but now I like the job I get up at 5am happily.

If you feel you need another day then why not take one, it’s more productive for you if you’ve taken some time out from being stressed and a chance for some time to yourself. It’s been tough last few months! I’m saving my annual leave to go away nearer the end of the year and at the moment I would rather be at work! Its great to hear your invested in my journey, this thread has been a real comfort and I do look forward to the notifications popping up, knowing I can post if I’ve had a crappy moment.

I’ve booked haircut today actually but cannot get in until May 1st, I’ve had 3 haircuts through this lockdown though because a friend I know is a hairdresser so I’ve been lucky there, no concrete plans just gonna go with how I feel at the time, I do plan to buy dj equipment in a couple of weeks to start a new hobby, I used to really enjoy it when I was younger so I thought why not!