Dear anita,

It does make sense. I can see it how I’ve been feeding myself with “bad person” complex. Because you can’t save your mom, you’re a “bad person”, if you can’t do well enough in relationships, you’re a “bad person”, if you can’t be there for them, you’re a “bad person”. You figured it out right

I will keep the interaction limited, and let’s see what happens in the starved interaction

It has not been my job, I agree. I’m just too used to taking things as my job, I need to break it., I have a long way to improve. Thanks for pointing that out

(If you needed to ask about things you wanted to re-read or refer to, I can type them again. Sorry for putting you into inconvenience if it did.)

Dear anita,

(to correct *my father is married to my mother, they’re just not seeing or talking to each other directly for years now, they’re still not legally divorced yet)

I’m not sure how to view this exchange or communication anymore. These past two days I over did the thought of how I want this friendship to be. Today I talked to him after a two-day break. I texted for only a while in the afternoon, and then for a while in the evening. Both times, the conversation went from him inquiring about my sick pet, then how I’m doing, then me texting I don’t feel like talking, him replying with “It’s okay. I understand, just take care”.

What do you think; am I making this tiring myself?

Hi anita,

(we communicated in early February I guess) (We last talked on a thread I started “what can we offer to the world” where I talked about feeling like I don’t have a safety net underneath by my parents and financial issues)

I agree, you phrased it right. I am acting like a dumping ground.

In this situation I have my bad part too. First, I shouldn’t have offered to talk out in the first few days. Because I was so available, it invited him to take that as the standard bar of availability from me. Then, I shouldn’t have agreed with every one of of things, like his views on his friendships, relationships and even to his smoking habits. I never really tried to disagree or resist on his views, because I thought, “well he’s just venting out, let him say whatever and nod your head to anything.” And it turns out I have created my image in his head that I hold the same beliefs and values as him. So in short we’re both okay the way this friendship is going. When in truth I’m not, only he is. That is why I’m afraid of telling him that he’s been doing something wrong

As you suggested, telling him that he’s invading my space and using me as a dumping ground, he’d definitely offer to mutualize. I don’t want to mutualize in that case. I’d not prefer having to word out every single of my feelings into a text message. I have my personal diary and a vent sketch book. I mostly draw/paint out my nasty feelings, or sometimes write them to see a bigger picture, but I do not want a human diary for that purpose. That is too inappropriate in my view. He’d just not come to a point if I say it directly. Is there an indirect way to tell him that?

Plus, I was thinking of making an excuse of not getting to use my cell phone a lot by my parents of something. Is it okay if I use this excuse to gradually pull away from our texting time?

Thank you for your response again. Hope you stay safe in these hustling times. Hope you’re doing okay

-Javairia