Dear anita,

Thank you very much.

About #3: I will admit firstly, I wasn’t one of those people. It’s been just more than an year, I realized. In fact one of my friends pointed it out to me. And I’ve since then started trying to be one of those people. Do you remember once I wrote about looking like a creep to everyone I interacted with, because I gave away too many presents? I stopped doing that. I’m still progressing on being that. And it feels much better than before.

Do you feel like you ever picked up your mum’s behavior earlier or later?

About #4: I’m a bit confused on what you asked for? As in what way?

Regards,

Javairia

Dear anita,

Good actions:

1. Letting people you care about know that you are thinking of them on their celebratory and mourning occasions, so they can feel you actually like to participate in their life.

2. Saving energy and resources on your own budget to contribute to Earth a little something.

3. Giving time and space time in all sorts of relationships

4. Staying loyal and truthful in all sorts of relationships

5. Being open-minded with choosing to think about, speak of, or react to things you don’t personally agree with.

6. Offering help whenever you are in the might to do so, given if it doesn’t hurt yourself.

7. Listening to others calmly and keenly.

8. Taking responsibility of your own actions and words, and letting others do the same.

Bad Actions:

1. Judging and criticizing people for their likes/dislikes, especially if those preferences are harmless to anyone’s well being.

2. Talking a lot about the things you hate about. Especially spreading hate on things that are not directly harmful to anyone.

3. Believing that the world owes you something, just because you gave away something. (I’ve seen some very close people do this, and I think they are wrong to act like that majority the times.)

4. Making people feel bad about their appearance/identity.

5. Doing unhealthy things that hinder your productivity, affect your physical health, or relationships in a negative way and calling them “self-care”.

6. Always being late to the plans, intentionally/ Making others wait, without giving a concern

7. Lying excessively

Is the format of list correct? Or do you find something missing.

Thank you for your time

Regards,

Javairia

Hi anita,

I tried a lot to come up with a reply to your former post for me, but I just couldn’t. I doubt the reason is: I don’t even know what behavior makes me a “good” or “bad” person. I am like a stranger to myself when it comes to defining what things are good for me or bad for me. Same with my qualities. I’ve been trying to complete my personal statement for universities, and you might know it requires an insight to the writer’s personality and useful qualities/ attributes. I couldn’t see a single thing through that said: Hey, I am a good fit for being admitted into a university, I can name my good attributes and prove them creatively. It worried me a lot. Will I stay like this? I feel like I never change in a positive way or move forward. It feels so bad.

My teachers and school counselor would answer this with, “You are a creative person. You are preserved. We like your energy and passion.” It feels like they are describing a foreign person, someone I don’t know about. I am never able to see through myself or say good things. Describing them creatively to Common App sounds far off from reality. It made me stressed out, because I can not explain this reason others as to why I’m not being able to come up with a personal statement. And my inner self scolds me every hour in front of the blank Word Document: Javairia, if your stupidity and stubbornness to come in terms with yourself will affect your goal to get into that first preference uni, you will regret this very bad. 

I am already regretting having to think I’m a fit for unis. I feel like my goals have disappeared after getting to know that I can’t even come up with a simple way to describe a good part of me. Who will even accept me the way I am?

When I read your response, I apologized to my friends right away, things were settled. I deleted that guy’s contact from my phone, and told him I won’t be available on texts. Although, he still follows me on Instagram, and messages me there. I have tried to ignore the messages frequently to cut down that communication too. I hope we slowly cut off completely. He’ll be completely better off without me, he is very social and vents out a lot to many people. So, thankfully I won’t feel like a “bad person” having him left unheard.

Thank you very much for wishing me safe. I hope things are going well for you, and you are doing great.

Regards,

Javairia

Dear anita,

I let them know. but I only left a message “I’m deactivating for a while” to them. So they got worried why I left so suddenly. Because I didn’t provide them a reason. Especially the one who is having a hard time, was very worried. No we do not contact anywhere else, and we’re pretty used to having converstaions only there.

Hi anita,

I’ve been feeling guilty since yesterday. It’s that I suddenly deactivated my social media when my pet got sick, two of my close friends got really worried about me. And I feel like a jerk to make them have worries for me.

And that guy texted me again, and unfortunately, I replied again. I’m thinking of telling him today that I won’t be available anymore to talk.

I feel like such a jerk right now. One of my closest friend is having a hard time during quarantine because of her strict parents. Her parents take out anger on her, and abuse her. I feel like, “bad person” complex is getting to me again.

Regards,

Javairia

Dear anita,

You phrased it right for me. I should really stop this friendship right here then.

I’m less prone to do it when I don’t feed myself triggering content or keep myself consciously away from those thoughts by venting out through art instead.

Regards,

Javairia

Dear anita,

I get it. I agree, believing the right and rational things over the inner critic and self-hatred is a right way. it’s harder to get through this process than it seems, but I’ll give it a try for sure.

I don’t know quiet well, why it triggered me to self harm so much after talking to him regularly. It might’ve been a constant flow of negative things like suicide and such. But it still confuses me why I hurt myself so much during this time period. I self harm by cutting my right arm and by making burn scars sometimes.