Thank you Kelly for sharing your story. The title captured my attention as I am going through the same thing, although the circumstances are different the feelings seem to be the same.

I began an extramarital affair almost three years ago. My husband and I have been living like friends and roommates for almost 10 years now, and when I turned 50 I guess I had a mid life crisis of sorts. I wanted someone to desire me, and to be honest, I wanted to have sex again. It had been so long since I had been intimate with a man I wanted to experience it again. I also wanted a boyfriend to do things with and go places with. My husband works nights and I work days so we never see each other. And frankly, I’m not attracted to him in a romantic way; I haven’t been for quite some time. A divorce would be financially devastating at this point as he doesn’t make enough money to live on his own.

I met a man online who claimed to want the same things I did – an emotional and a physical affair. Well of course in the beginning everything was great. But as in almost all affairs, we had many issues. But I cared about him so much that I kept trying to keep things together.

After we were together about 18 months, I found out he was sleeping with another woman; so he was not just cheating on his wife ONE woman, he was cheating with TWO. An additional twist to the story is that he had prostate cancer years ago and he cannot have sex in the normal way. He needs to use a needle and inject medication into his you-know-what. I guess in a way I was flattered by that because I thought “here is this man who would go to all this trouble just to have sex with me.” And may I also add that it was extremely difficult for him to finish. So I found that even more endearing, going to all that trouble with no guarantee of a happy ending.

When I found out about the other woman, I think I had a nervous breakdown. I really do. I ended up sending her a message on Facebook. Of course they both tried at first to say they were just friends, etc., but eventually he admitted it to me. I lost it. I would sit at my desk at work and just cry for hours. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, etc. When he admitted to her that he had been with me, she freaked out. (I personally think he used to tell her “I love you” and she was completely blindsided.) Eventually, he and I ended up back together, the first of many times….

The other woman ended up sending his wife a letter, exposing his affair with me (but not her, of course). This was all in January 2013. And in this past year, he ended up leaving his wife and moving into his own condo. Which I helped him find, and sat there all alone on a Friday afternoon in the summer waiting for the cable and phone installation, furniture delivery, etc. You see, we ended up back together. Not before he jerked me around at least five times by saying he was leaving his wife, then staying, then leaving, then staying. He texted me while I was in Disneyland telling me he was staying with her (after we had been bed shopping the day before I left). What other 50 plus year old woman would be sobbing on “Pirates of the Carribbean”?

Oh it gets better…in September 2012 he was arrested for DUI. His lawyer told him the best he could expect was to lost his license for three months. Since we were together (and I didn’t know about the other woman) I told him I would drive him. In July of 2013 he received his three month suspension, so I started driving him back and forth to work (we lived and work close to each other). And once he left his wife and moved into this condo I still drove him to work as it was on my way. I took him grocery shopping, drove everywhere we went together. But it was ok, because finally now we could date and be a “real couple”. With my husband working midnights, I could spend almost the entire weekend with him and even see him one or tow nights during the week.

A few months ago it all fell apart, this time for good I believe. I left for vacation mid September and while I was away I didn’t hear that much from him. I was gone a week, and the day I was returning home I texted him and asked could I call him. He was very indifferent to me, and he finally admitted he wanted to break up. I kept asking why, why, why but he was being evasive. Couldn’t really give me a reason why. Until I was seated on the plane, for a five hour flight home. Just as we were told to turn off our phones. he TEXTED me that I was too fat to have sex with him anymore. Interesting that this all transpired THREE days after he got his license back.

Many people will say I got exactly what I deserved. Heck, I have even said it to myself, that this is my punishment for being a liar and a cheater. (So if someone was going to yell at me and tell me what a horrible person I am you’re too late. I have been beating myself up for years.)

Since September we have gone back and forth trying to stay friends, and yes, we have even slept together twice. Since that time I found out there was a THIRD woman that he would have sex with while he was married and with me and with the second one, and he has started seeing her again. I told him I would give him all the sex and fun he wanted with no strings other than he had to stop seeing other women (he has an online dating profile too since he is now separated). He refused. He will not give up the “third” woman, nor will he stop dating.

I wish someone could explain to me why I am so sad, especially after reading all of this…I still cry and miss him, even though it is obvious he would never be what I want. He can’t be faithful to anyone, not just me. I guess I miss what I thought he was, and I miss being close to someone. I miss the intimacy (not just the sex) and doing things together.

As Kelly mentioned, the few friends I have that know what I am going through are sick of hearing about this. They can’t understand why I am even upset over him. Frankly,I can’t either. I am really going to make the effort not to contact him, as I am always the one who calls or texts him first. I know that is the only way to forget about him. It’s just so difficult. I used to to tell him everything. And now I feel alone and abandoned.

Thank you for letting me put my story down in black and white. I can only hope that there really is karma and that someday he will reap what he sowed.

🙂