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MargaritaParticipantThis too shall pass.
You have no power over me.
Not my monkeys, not my circus.
I breathe in compassion, breath out the pain.
this progressed to
I breath in love and compassion… I wish for the release of suffering of all beings.
I breathe in golden light, it travels through my body replacing the pain, opening me to loving kindness.
In the end only kindness matter.
Holding on to anger or hatred hurts me not them. Let it go, Forgive for yourself.
I now meditate and practice compassion meditation. I am more compassionate and patient with myself, family friends strangers and those who irritate or who have harmed me.
MargaritaParticipantHello Caroline,
I hear your pain and despair and would like to try to be of help. I have been a single mother. I have also had deep depression and anxiety disorder that was paralysing. I am doing quite well now but not without doing the work. I didnāt just take a pill, do 6 things and wake up fixed. So I do understand how hard it is. Iām willing to share what I learned if you are open to that. My anxiety had me wanting to curl up in the corner of stores, thinking that people were talking about me, feeling like someone from another planet, unable to reach people who cared, having visual hallucinations and generally out of control of my mind. Had lots of thought of suicide, lots of shame and false guilt, feeling like a burden. Ā Ā I shared that because I want you to know I donāt stand in judgement. Ā I have been in the abyss that is depression/anxiety. Ā Ā Ā I also want to give you hope. It is possible to get better, to climb out of it. Let me know if you want some help with this.
Here are some responses to what youāve posted:
Your mother. I think she does know you are in pain. This is her way of trying to help you out of it. Try to sit with that and feel it as love rather than judgement. You could say to her something like, āThanks mum, I know youāre trying to help. I know I need a job, but right now Iām doing it so hard Iām having trouble coping with everything. Driving has become a problem because of my anxiety and I need to work on that first so that I can get to and from work.ā Hereās how you could help me with this…….. Tell her about how guilty and ashamed you feel when this is brought up and you would like her to give you some space about it. Ā that you are already really aware of it and will do something about it as soon as you can.
Your daughter: Unfortunately teen years are pretty crappy, with hormones raging, and her own issues going on in her head. She is the centre of her universe. Despite this she needs to treat you properly. The fact she came home to you when she was sick proves itās where she truly wants to be. Ā Of course you need to set boundaries.
āI want you home with me. I love you. I want us to be okay here, to both feel like this is our home and we are safe here. For that to happen we need to work on being kind to each other. That means no more yelling from either of us. It also means that violence has no place here. If you can agree to that I would love you to come home. What do you think? How can we help each other to make that happen?
You: Thatās a longer road. I would start with your anxiety. Iāve learnt some good strategies that may help you if you want my help. Ā Here for you.
MargaritaParticipantYou are obviously in turmoil over this relationship. Since you have asked the question here is an honest response meant solely for your benefit and future.
l do not see a peaceful future for you with this guy for the following reasons:
Despite him saying he has just ālet his marriage breakup go,ā he is still carrying hurt and unresolved issues from it. Ā He wants to live just to please himself and will no longer be faithful to anyone. Ā Ā Ā Ā Ask yourself: is this what you want in a relationship you commit to? Ā Ā Ā I donāt think he is ready or wants to commit to anyone, which includes you. He is still licking his wounds. Ā He is all over the place relationship wise.
There is chemistry between you. Thatās sufficient to build a fling on but wonāt sustain a long term relationship. While chemistry is great, itās something that happens with many people. (Often the cause of affairs in marriage where someoneās integrity is lacking, they want to āplease themselvesā). Iāve been married for 35 years and have met wonderful men with whom the chemistry was electrifying. The men in question usually wanted to pursue it. I didnāt because I am not here just to please myself. I am committed to my relationship as is my husband. That trust is so powerful. Ā I am not saying this as a bragging statement. Iāve also had a marriage where my husband wasnāt faithful. Needless to say it crashed, burned and tore me up. Ā Which one of those do you want. A man you canāt trust? It will eat at you and that chemistry until you are just left with a whole lot of why why why?
He is not giving you anything to build a future on. He will be happy to have an intimate relationship with you but donāt mistake it for commitment.
I think you already know the answer to your question. There is only heartbreak ahead. You are already chaotic in your feelings for him. Trying to hold back because you donāt trust the relationship. If he had the depth of feeling for you that you want he would be able to commit to you, (for now). Iām sorry if that seems harsh. I just donāt think he can or will give you what you deserve. Donāt settle for less.
look after yourself, life is too short to live on someone elseās terms.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 