Profile
Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
September 2, 2018 at 7:30 am #224077FlowerParticipant
Hello,
1/ At the beginning he was very caring. But I guess once the puppy love stage faded he became another person, he never asked me how I was doing after I told him I was going through I rough patch with my family (1 week before the break up). He wanted to know why I seemed depressed lately, but he never really checked on me after that
2/ He never did that, at least not in front of me and he seemed concerned when he saw less fortunate people. But, he was definitely fatphobic and showed no compassion for overweight persons 🙁 I think that comes from his mother who critisized him everytime he gained some weight saying “she didn’t love him anymore now that he was fat” (yeah, that’s awful I know…)
So I would say he was generally empathetic except for those people if that makes sense ?
August 31, 2018 at 8:15 am #223873FlowerParticipantDear Anita,
“Reads like he was way less sensible/ mature than you, expecting spark and butterflies on a regular, “every second”. Not possible and probably not a good idea to be sparked up and butterflied every second, 24/7, if it was possible.
Reads like he has his type, that ideal look for him, but he was willing to settle for something else for as long as he was sparked and butterflied, that is, for as long as he had the experience he wanted. When he lost that experience, he broke up with you. I suppose the honest, real reason was just that, that he lost the spark-and-butterflies-experience”
That is what I thought :/ He seemed so mature, confident and selfless. I can’t believe he said all those mean things about the way I look, I am still in shock
I think he was so wrapped up in his own head, that he pointed every reasons why he wanted to end it without paying attention to the way I felt and without trying to minimise my pain.
How will I know if someone is truly empathic ?
Thank you 🙂
- This reply was modified 6 years, 2 months ago by Flower.
August 29, 2018 at 6:09 am #223511FlowerParticipantDear Inky,
Thank you for your help !
Really, I think he hasn’t been thinking it for a while. Things were going absolutely great 2 or 3 weeks before, he seemed thrilled to see me but then I could feel something has changed. He no longer felt the “spark” and that worried him
“I would (immature, I know!) keep him Unfriended but Unblock him so he can see your amazing Profile Pics (that you will change every few months or so). When a guy friend says “Gorgeous Pic!” you say, “I know, I look great!” All he will see (over the years because he WILL be kicking himself) when he stalks you on social media are occasional Profile Pics where everyone thinks you look fabulous.”
Haha, that made me laugh xD
No he was not, and to be honest he was not my type either (he was a bit short) but I was still attracted to him
August 29, 2018 at 6:02 am #223509FlowerParticipantDear Anita,
Thank you for your help !
“during the five months, did he compliment you on your physical appearance, did he tell you that he likes how you look?” Yes, he didn’t miss an occasion to tell me how beautiful I was and how he was lucky to have me, but, he also said jockingly that I was not his type: brunette, brown eyes, 1m68. Although he wanted a blonde with blue eyes, shorter, 1m60 and 50 kg
“people, particularly men, most often do not say the truth when they break up with a girlfriend, they definitely don’t list her physical appearances as a reason. Instead, they try to be as nice as possible, partially honest or not at all, so to not hurt her feelings” That’s exactly what I thought : breaking up with someone is hard as it is, there is really no reason to make it even hurful by listing all the things you don’t like in their physical appearance 🙁 It is as if he had zero empathy
There’s something important I forgot to mention : when I met him, he was quite unhappy with his life and he had this idea of his dream girl that would come along and fix everything.
He said he was really glad he met me and how happy I made him. I was a bit worried because I thought that was a bit unhealthy and I felt like a trophy. He was very infatuated with me and then when he broke up with me he said that he “no longer felt the spark, the butterflies, he no longer missed me every second” and he had been feeling like this for 2 weeks.
And I had to explain him those feelings had to subside and that they would probably be replaced by deeper feelings and that “love” was not a rollercoaster of emotions (correct me if I am wrong, I don’t have much experience). He was very upsed when I told him I didn’t feel butterflies for him either
But he didn’t agree because his parents who had been married for 30 years still offered flowers to each other and he didn’t think relationships required work if it was meant to be
I think when things became more “cosy” (we stopped going on dates and stayed home to cuddle or watch a movie more often) he felt something was wrong.
We never argued and he seemed to genuinely appreciate my personnality.
And when I told him I would block him because i needed to heal, he was very upset because he wanted us to remain friends
-
AuthorPosts