This is an old post, so I hope someone sees it.  I’m devastated after being ghosted by a 44-yr old man that I have been dating LD for 4 mo.  As I write this, I feel foolish bc there were so many red flags.  I am writing to seek help in processing this so please no sarcastic remarks.

Four mo long distance does not seem like long; however, the nature of the relationship speeds up the process bc you spend days at a time together.  Not to mention we had just returned from our 1st trip to Paris over Thanksgiving.  Day one, he was showing me something on his phone when he accidentally switched over to the texts and I saw a female name that I had seen pop up on his phone during previous dates, which I never mentioned.  It was a text from him saying that he had just landed and…he exited before I could see the rest.  I casually asked who that was and he lied saying it was our mutual friend.  I told him that he needed to choose his next words wisely because that was no the truth.  He made it seem like an innocent misunderstanding and it was just another female friend that lived in his condo building.  I questioned why he would send such an intimate text to a “friend” when he doesn’t even tell me when he lands as he travels multiple times in a week.  He stuck with the lie and explained that it was a long flight so he texted bunch of people who would probably be worried.  Oh yes, the poor executive who’s only flying business class today instead of private.  At that point I told him I would no longer speak to him until he wanted to tell the truth.  He let me be upset for over an hr and then confessed she was his “ex” girlfriend, that they lived together when we met, he cheated on her with me, they now live in the same building but separate and are just friends.  I told him I wanted to go home but friends of mine were waiting on our arrival.  I told him to put on a brave face to visit them for a few hrs.  During our get together he was sweet and I warmed up to him.  Afterwards, I asked a lot of ques which he seemed to answer honestly and decided to suck it up so we both could enjoy the trip.  We did and it was amazing!  We had a minor fight when I started to feel insecure about the situation but chose to trust him.

When we got back I didn’t hear from him for 3 days, figured he needed space because we rushed into a honeymoon trip and he kept mentioning being scared to get too close after a divorce 2 years ago.  Then I get a bomb thru text breaking up with me because he felt a pit in his stomach from us arguing so early on.  He felt bad!  He felt bad because he was deceitful not because of me.  In fact, I was an angel compared to how I could have and possibly should have reacted.  My gut reaction was that he was still living with this gf but maybe not bc he is also under a lot of stress after leaving his last company.  I can be hot headed so I didn’t react and asked if we could talk.  He agreed and said he just felt like something was off…yes you are lying and hiding things.  I told him it was a bad situation but we handled it well and considering how compatible we were I wanted start over.  If it ended I wanted it to end bc we weren’t right for one another not bc of a situation he created bc he’s stupid (if it was the truth).  He told me he really liked me and assured me there was no one else but needed space for the next week to iron out a big career move, we could text/talk thru the holidays and then pick up where we left off.  He did call a couple times, seemed like an update and a chore.  Texted me on Xmas, nothing over New Years although I had offered to make plans seeing that he was so busy with his new job.  He said he would let me know and I never even heard from him until I texted on Jan 2 asking what happened.  He couldn’t get away and would call after the weekend.  Well Mon I was in Vegas not sitting around on his call so I called back Wed when I got back, went straight to vm.  Thought ok he’s traveling I’ll try tmrw, same thing.  Fri morning again so I text that I’ve been trying to reach him.  No response by night, so I finally ask what’s going on.  Crickets…

He was the 1st man I opened myself up to after nearly a decade of being in a Stepford wife like role with my emotionally unavailable ex-boyfriend who came into so much wealth that he stopped valuing people, especially me.  The new guy knew that and how hard it was for me to let down my guard.  What hurts the most is the lack of respect.  I could have handled an honest explanation no matter how horrible.  I want to demand an answer, call him a coward, contact the “ex”girlfriend to let her know he’s lying to her too.  I will not lower myself to any of that but how do I release this pain and anger?  How do I not let it affect my self esteem?  How do I give dating another chance when it always ends in disappointment after a fairytale start?