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IslandGirl17ParticipantHi Anita -thanks for your response. I have definitely considered it, and even stopped hanging around them for sometime. It was only yesterday that we all were around each other again to celebrate a mutual friend’s birthday.
My point is, it’s with any guy I associate myself with. Whether it’s work colleague, a friend, a friends-friend: he’s jealous! I don’t want to lie about who I’m around when I’m out, but I do it to avoid arguments.
IslandGirl17ParticipantAgreed. Just don’t blur the lines and ruin you and your husband’s relationship. For example, if it’s a romantic night with just you and your husband it should only be you and him – not + your friend and not you on the phone texting or calling him. If you and your husband go for a romantic dinner, tell your friend that you’ll talk to him tomorrow because you should be 100% all about your husband those nights. Even if it’s a night together at home watching a movie or relaxing together, use that time for you and your husband and tell your friend you’ll chat later.
I feel like your friend has respect for your relationship anyways so he would understand I’m sure.
Good luck! You’ll be fine.
IslandGirl17ParticipantThank you Anita.
He also constantly asks what the man’s name is and wants to know where he works. The only reason I haven’t told him is because he has kids my age and I’m scared my boyfriend will show up at his office to see what he looks like (I’m 100% sure he will do this) (do you think I should tell him?). The only thing I told him was that he’s older and offered me a lot of perspective because he’s successful, knowledgeable and owns his own business. I think my boyfriend tries to compare himself to him all the time because when we argue he would say – “go find someone who has drive and is successful…go back to that old man.”
To be fair it’s just as much as my fault as his, because you are right. I should leave and be with the person I feel I am compatible with and he should leave because he can’t accept my past. We’ve both “chosen” to stay and it’s unhealthy.
IslandGirl17ParticipantI think your friends/family are caught up with the social stero-types i.e. “There is NO way a straight, single guy can ONLY be your best friend”. Real friendships do not have a perfect recipe (i.e. would they be more comfortable with you being best friends with a woman or even better, a gay man?). Why? because that’s more common now days…women can only be best friends with other women or gay men, if not, it’s weird. The fact that you and this man have a true, real friendship is amazing. If you and him get on and your husband is ok with it then so be it.
I think your husband is comfortable and mature that he trusts you. When you tell your best friend that you love him in front of your husband he knows that you’re not saying ‘I love you so much best friend I can’t wait until we sleep together or take it to the next stage’. From what you are saying, you are completely happy being his ‘rock’; his true friend; and his ‘sister’ and I’m sure he really appreciates you.
Not sure if you bring your friend around your family or husband but maybe you should. If you have a BBQ one night and friends and family are coming over, invite your friend and tell him to bring one of his friends. Let everyone get to know him and see how much a of a friend he really is… (completely up to you, but if their comments are bothering you, go for it!)..
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