Buddhist Wife,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have been coming to realize that I can’t help/love others without first loving myself, which is what I’m trying to work on. To answer your question, this gap that you speak of is a concept quite familiar to me. Going to Boston University actually was the one thing that I did want at the time. My parents had their own idea of schools, but said they’d support my attendance there as long as I could pay for it in its entirety (they also refused to cosign loans), hence the scholarship. As far as going the military route, that’s something I’ve been struggling with for a while. It’s very close to my heart since I grew up in the environment, and I’ve always had this inherent desire to give back to the service that gave my family and I so much over the years. I also learned while I was within JROTC and ROTC that I was very good at what I did, and I genuinely cared about leading others and succeeding.

But, as you said, I always had the thought in my head that it wasn’t what I really wanted. I wasn’t sure what else I did want however, so I accepted that this was the closest I was going to get. This wasn’t a path that was pressured on to me by my parents out loud; they made it clear that I didn’t have to do anything I didn’t want to. That being said, I now wonder if I felt like this was the only thing that would make them proud, so I chose the direction strictly to appease them.

You’ve got me thinking, and I thank you for that.