Dear TeaK,

This is very helpful. Actually, those questions will be awaken for me, as I always try to close that thoughts and not really facing the reality.

As for my childhood, when I was younger, my mother always controlled me. She never really let me to do things or explode things out of there. She always held me tightly and afraid I would choose a wrong step. She even asked me to attend same college as my sister, but I didn’t like that idea, so I ended up not doing so well on the test, so I could end up in a community college instead. As a rebelling I can be, I want to break free from it. I feel more freedom when she is not around, I do love her, but it’s hard to control the “being scared image of myself” when I am with her.

I guess, I have to come to the point that I need to learn how to be strong for myself. Maybe when one looks into this, they will start thinking I don’t love myself enough, and I keep putting others in front of me, regardless of my feeling, which is true. How can I break free from this? this is actually one of my weaknesses, and I’m still in a learning process. People around me, when I share these stories with them, they are not really listening, and they don’t give the advice; in fact, they think I’m annoying, and I should be able to move on myself.

But it isn’t easy. Any advice greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Dear Anita:

Thank you for your quick reply.

Yes, he told me he was very relieved when he broke up with her due to the distance, and there was no future plans of moving in between them, so he let her go.

Another thing about him is what I’m kind afraid of: his bad-tempered, he gets irritated easily, his parents also shared with me that he has a bad-tempered, but try to let him cool down, when he’s cool, he’s fine. How can I deal with someone who can be irritated like that?

Dear Anita,

Absolutely understand about that. Thanks for the welcoming! I was busy with work and life over weekend, so I didn’t get a chance to reply.

Hello Anita, he loves his family very much, he’s a family oriented person type, no doubt on that. But he told me he never gets jealous about his father’s caring and love for his sister. His facial expression and tone, when he told me that, it was speechless, kind plain tone of voice, but depression or needing for attention was a bit in that tone.

He has this big ego and pride in himself, I know if I suggest counseling for himself, he will refuse me, and he always claims there is nothing wrong with him. He will get irritated or angry if I suggest that.

Thank you TeaK and Anita. these answers are greatly contributions to my decision.

He believes that if he is too nice to a girl, the girl will start to lose respect/ interest on him. He said this because he has experienced from seeing his friends (got cheated on, dumped,etc… just because they’re nice guys). I told him that there will be someone out there who will appreciate the person’s kindness, not all will lose that respect or take advantage of the kindness he offers. But I know, in his mind, he thinks being nice is wrong thing to do.

It seems whatever he sets to believe in, he will keep believing in it and says it’s reality.

TeaK, I get angry and upset when we argue over small things like this. it doesn’t go anywhere, and there are just so much more important things out there to be worried. But I know I cannot change his thinking, and I don’t have that power to do it, and I know I won’t. Sometimes, I just don’t know whether it’s my fault, or things I say, to make him feel this way. I’ve been trying to assure him that I love him, and I guess it isn’t enough for him to let go of his insecurity.

Hello Anita,

We were talking about the restaurant’s name, and my ex’s name was a part of one restaurant names here, so that’s why he asked. I’m not sure what his intention was, with the whole points of talking about restaurant’s name and then my ex’s name.

I was friended with my ex again, 3-4 years ago before I met my current boyfriend, and I unfriended him when I started dating my boyfriend. Therefore, any likes/ or loves icon from the past, I feel, it has nothing to do with my current one, to make him jealous over it.

Hello Teak and Anita, thank you for your replies. Greatly appreciated that. It’s very helpful for my confusion mind at the moment.

I really want to work this relationship out, and want it to be more improvement. but until now, I’m not sure how to take it further.

Yes, Anita, you understood correctly about we were talking about my female friend did not treat me well, but he brought up my ex’s photo instead, out of nowhere, and wanted to share with me that these are examples of toxic people. he asked for my ex’s first and last name a day before, and I thought it was just casual, nothing special. He questioned me about what I’ve done, when I stopped talk to my ex, etc. I told him “I cannot remember as it happened ages ago”. but following day, he went on my ex’s social media, and saw one of his photos that I clicked on “like” and some of other photos I clicked on “love” icon, and he kept repeating that line “this guy cheated on me,” why I still talked to him few years after broke up. I seriously cannot remember the day/time/year that I stopped talking to someone, so he accused me for not telling him the truth. My ex and I decided to become friends again after few years we broke up. I forgave my ex, for what he did, but my ex is already married and we stopped talking to each other years ago.

I brought this up before with him whether if he is angry at someone toxic in his life, he refused and said no. He also shared he knows his ex blocked him, I assume here, he was looking for her profile, but didn’t see it. I wonder if he still loves his ex. For some reasons, now I end up feeling I am a back-up person in this relationship, after all the small arguments. I really feel like I’m in the middle of their unsolved case even though they’re no longer together.

Thank you for your listening and giving advice.