Dear Anita:

I don´t know why he didn´t speak to me personally. In my opinion he has financial issues. Because I find some reminders about unpaid things. And he lives in one small room, has few clothes- he wears the same combination most of the time. And I know he is depressed as well. His father is wealthy so he is probably struggling with if to ask him for help or how to solve it. But what I know their relationship is cold.
Maybe that´s the reason why he isn´t ready for a relationship. And he is ashamed for it to tell the truth.

Or he didn´t feel the same, yes. :/

Anita- Thank you for your reply…

I know I know I know- But- till Monday everything was great. And he spoke to our mutual friend about me after this happened. And this friend told me that is visible he is in love with me. :/
Why he offered me friendship then?

Next thing- I have some of his clothes in my place and I didn´t contact him because of it because I expect him to ask me for it.  Otherwise I´ll send it by our friend.

@anita: I think he (that friend) is honest with me. We was on the date in August last year but then I just decided to not continue with dating. He’s cute and everything but I need somebody who will protect me and take care of me in harder situations. He is a little bit immature and I’m not sure if it can change with age or it’s a part of his diagnosis. I’m sure he didn’t lie to me because he wrote me that after I stopped communication with him and started to date my current ex he cried. He also wrote he has never been in the relationship and had no sexual experiences. And I don’t want to make a wrong move and start a relationship with him as I don’t want to be the first who will break his heart. He has social anxiety as well- it’s something we have in common, our personalities are similliar and he’s attractive. But sometimes I wonder if it doesn’t look like mother-son relationship. He’s older (I’m 24, He’s 26) but i think I’m less naive as he is in social stuffs. I’m attracted to men who are independent and know exactly what to do.
I’m realizing one thing right now. Everything seems like huge chaos in my head but when I’m writing it here I’m recieving answers on my (yours) questions. 😀 Because you know what to ask, I guess ;-).

I know it takes a patience and it’s possible to teach him something but I want to be the one who wants to learn. I don’t need a proffesor type (like my ex is) but I need somebody on the same level. I want my partner to be a man who knows how to treat me, satisfy me and who is able to have a conversation with me without arguing that much.
I’m extremely attracted to selfish and dominant men because of my low self- esteem but I need to focus on dominant but not egocentric men (man who behaves like a man). But the question is how to find this man when I have almost no freetime and no opportunity to find this guy.

I want to have children in the future (until my 30’s) so it’s not a time to waste my time. :-:-D I know it sounds ridiculous but I don’t want to waste my time with another trials. I’m impatient I admit it. 🙁

But on the other hand I’m still childish. I have moments I act like 15 yrs old teenager (not the rebellious one :-))

So the fact is that I know that guy like my friend who is attractive but absolutely unexperienced hasn’t many chances to go on the date. And I would like to help him. But is being a sexual and relationship guru a role I want to play? I honestly don’t know.

@anita: It was like- He was tired from work that day. I did a wrong thing- I wanted to talk about our relationship. I mentioned few things- “I think you don´t appreciate this and that…”. I was kind of tired and messed up, too.
Then he said in the middle of my speech- “I think we should break up- What do you think about it?” (I was dying inside but I was afraid to show). Because he said so as such a normal thing like – What would you say if I buy new pair of socks?
I had no words. So I said “OK, we should do it.” He asked me again “Are you sure!” I said- “If it´s what you wish I wish it too (or something like that). Then he said those things with “no future together” and that he thought about it for a while.

In our conversation after break up he wrote- ” I just mentioned I was wondering about breaking up. I didn´t mean it.” I replied that me either. He wrote “It´s too late. I don´t want to talk about it anymore.”…

Dear @anita: Thanks for your new comment. I appreciate you found some free time to leave it here. I need to say that all your posts and the last one from @ellieslp helped me a lot to realize that maybe there was something in the air before whole break up thing happend. I noticed that he didn´t treat me the way he could. He tried only at the beginning. Then, as he get what he wanted he started to feel a boredom. I was afraid of that but when it actually came I didn´t notice because- I spent so much time in my job.

We spoke about my anxiety, anita. But he couldn´t imagine how much it affects my life and everything. He was kind of selfish and when I was afraid of something he was also annoying and he mentioned many times he couldn´t get what I was afraid of. I think I´m trying really hard to not be depressive or hysterical, or so. When we were at his place I used to clean it and kept it tidy. He had a pure mess in his place so I made it without a word. Because I don´t like a mess. I also tried to not be a boring lover. When we had argument about something I tried to make things better.
All I can say is that I´m naturally a good girl and if he discuss his problem in the relationship with me, maybe we could save it instead of bury it for good.

Now I remember those words he said during that dinner we broke up: “I can´t see any future for us. I think we´re in the end of our path.” I was shocked and had no words. But I tried to let him know I care about him but respect it. It was was week later (when I finally woke up from that shock) but he said- “If you said this to me before you agreed on the break up I would PROBABLY change my mind!”
It seems like a pretty excuse as he knew for sure I wasn´t able to reply in the moment of breaking up.

I don´t blame anyone for what happend. I felt miserable few days after. I was also ten days late with my period so I was afraid the worst may come. Finally it didn´t. But for the moment I was wondering if possible pregnancy would change something. Naive but it crossed my mind.

I´m working a lot because I don´t have proper education so I need to work hard. I still wonder about take some course or get higher education but I also need money for that, for rent and time as well. And for single woman is this just unimaginable. 🙁

His friends- he knew I had those problems in group of new people. We spent New Year´s Eve with ten his best friends. Ten new people for me. I need to admit I was drinking a lot during those three days we we´re together. So I was able to communicate with them. But then we met two times after it in the pub. And I wasn´t drinking and I was quiet all the time. They were talking about University (I don´t have a diploma- all of his friends have it and he is now on doctoral studies). And they talked about cooking. I have no clue about cooking. As I don´t have a time for it and I have nobody to cook for. And just for myself? I´m ok with spaghetti. And plus- he didn´t say me they´ll be there. I thought we are going to normal “Me & him” date.

I don´t think I´m weird. Not a lot. But when I was in his presence I never felt enough good. I never felt it in my previous relationships, too. They were very intelligent people. But I felt they coul´dn´t respect my behavior. And maybe they didn´t respect me because I had only high school. But I don´ t think I´ m stupid.

There is one friend of mine I like. He has Asperger´s. Oficially confirmed. And I would like to try things with him as he´s on the same page, understands what I´m going through. He respects me and he is obviously into me. But I´m afraid of dating him because he had no girlfriend in the past and I don´t want to break his heart. I´m not perfect girl. OK, nobody´s perfect. But there is also one thing. He is still studying University and has no job. I know how hard is for us to find and keep a job. So I don´t know if it is good to start something with this guy. You know- I want have kids in the future and have a partner I can rely on. Asperger´s are reliable but what if he will struggle with his job and lost it everytime? I´ve been there many times. So I know sometimes trying hard is still not enough for other people. But his chances are bigger with diploma, it´s right.

I know this is another long post but I hope you will reply because I really like your comments. Thanks a lot.

P.S.: I´m also sorry for my English, I´m not very good in it. I was lazy to study it harder. 😛

@anita: I think I was annoying because I had problems with intimacy. I had problems with enjoying it. I was shy. I don’t like my body. And I was also shy in other areas of life. It’s hard to me to open to other people too soon. I tried to explain him it takes a while to me to trust someone and enjoy everything. Week before the break up he said he would say his parents about me. We planned vacation together. :'(