A 13 year ordeal to say good bye!!!
Where have y’all been? I’ve needed to read this for sooo long – ever since 2007!
I met my ‘soulmate’ who i’ll refer to as “D” in 2001 and we were friends only while my 28 yr marriage ended, this divorce was not by my doing and not by my choice and by total surprise. Afterwards he initiated dating and our friendship became intimate in late 2002. I had so much i needed to heal from that it was a tumultuous relationship to say the least, fraught with anger, hurt, frustration, inability to articulate/communicate even my most basic needs, etc.
I didn’t know anything about self-love, self-respect and or self-trust and yes, i was looking to D to approve of me and that would provide for/define and determine my value and self-worth. It’s all i knew.
In 2007 D met P online and they continue a relationship to this day wherein she has a key to his home and spends the night(s) whenever she’s in town. He says they don’t have sex, that he saves this part just for me…whatever! I’ve chosen to believe him and where has it gotten me? Alone and hurt and angry and stuck for 7 years!!!
So – i read what you’ve shared and i’ve been there, done that and can say that from experience – here’s what’s worked for me. NO CONTACT whatsoever was a definite breather! I lasted nearly 3 years before he woooooed me back again and just like any addiction, once i partook-i was hooked. Dammit!! Obviously i have huge issues with self-love, self-respect and self-trust but at this time (2012) i was still in denial and delusional – thinking if we were enjoying such great sex, surely he would want the rest of me over P. That was never ever going to happen and the only one fooled was me.
Fast forward to today and thanks to books like WHY MEN LOVE BITCHES by Sherry Argov, (this is a self-help book all about SELF-RESPECT) i am now moving forward, seeking a healthy, emotionally available man who can and will love this B(abe) I(n) T(otal) C(ontrol) of H(erself) = BITCH and proud of it. If there’s one thing i’ve finally learned it’s that we have to take CONTROL OF OURSELVES!! No man can do this and neither can anyone else – it’s our job!
This has taken 13 years and i know exactly how a broken, aching heart feels like and yes, time helps, but IMHO i’ll always love D – but knowing it’s an addiction and NOT love and through years of hard work, today i am worthy of a love that’s beautiful and emotionally available, capable of loving and being loved and i’m unwilling to settle for anything less!!
Thank you for being here, for posting and know i’m here, right here beside you, virtually hugging you sisters.
xo