Thanks so much for your responses, everyone!
Anita – it is a great feeling! It’s like I have a surprising amount of new energy. It’s great to know that my underlying beliefs are a key part of the journey. A lot of them definitely stem from my childhood, and I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking and doing exercises to try identify them.
Some examples are:
– There has to be something wrong with me
– If I reveal who I really am to someone, there is no way they’ll like me for me
– Emotional intimacy means being able to listen to another person’s issues and always making sure they are ok, no matter what it is.
– I need the approval and validation of others, particularly if they have qualities that I want, need, am jealous of or feeling insecure about (that way, I can have it for myself).
– I’ve never been seen or heard – I have to perform and ‘step on the treadmill’, and work hard for another person so they can see my best possible self. If I’m not feeling great, well or good, they won’t like what they see.
– I’ll never have a good relationship with my anxiety, or myself and therefore never achieve my full potential.

As you can see, there is a lot here! The part that I’m ruminating on is that with person I went on a few dates with, it felt like they were asking questions to get to know me. Because of the above, I sometimes would be embarrassed and insecure. I found I would freeze or hide what I really felt or what I was doing, to try perform or say what I think they wanted to hear. As a result, I can’t stop thinking that if I was just present (like I’ve been practicing with my friends, with awesome results), it might have worked out. That is, at the root of it, I’ll never know whether we were truly compatible or not (killing me!). Do you have any suggestions for how I can work with this to be easier on myself (I’m obsessing quite a bit and running through past conversations and scenarios).

Inky – thank you so much for your kind words. I hadn’t thought about it from that perspective – the unrealistic expectation to be open and vulnerable to everyone. I think you’re right, it does take time ☺

Aiyana – your post gave me a lot of relief, thank you. I’m trying to explore just being ok with how I am, in any moment. So excited to experiment and see what unfolds!