Anita,

I’m not sure what the situation/circumstances are that caused the change. It seemed mostly slow, except for recently. I asked her once and there was no answer. I’ve always known she has depression but she seems to have fallen into a pit of darkness much deeper than anything before. I wondered if it has to due with 1: staying at home alone all day and 2: a family situation that’s very stressful regarding her brother. The last couple of days have been better, but I’m a little weary to bring anything up still. In about a month, I will be able to take a day off and I am hoping we can see about adjusting her medication. I think that the sickness doesn’t always take over, but lately she has had less fight against it, maybe. I hope the adjustment will help as well as my continuing prescience.

-Honour

Anita,

No, there are no children yet. We want children but cannot afford the proper process or adoption at this time. It’s very difficult for same-sex couples. I see this as if a sign from the universe, though. Once we’re ready we’ll be able to afford and plan like pros.

I have changed up our routine (which currently involves watching TV as soon as I get off work and that’s about it) but it was met with suspicion and distaste. She said she didn’t like when I don’t tell her things or try to surprise her with something new. It makes her insecure like I would leave her just as quickly as I would change up our nightly routine. I would rather be able to have a loosely dedicated time to discuss things rather than scattered arguments throughout the day that make no sense. I would love to be able to have 10am coffee, but I go to work at 6:45am and don’t return until 4:30pm. Again, I want to be able to talk and discuss things regularly but our discussions almost always end in arguments. There is so much attitude, too many assumptions, defensiveness and frustration. Sometimes it happens almost immediately. And I will admit that I add those things as well. I never mean to, but sometimes my patience isn’t there or I feel defensive and like it’s justified.

I have tried to establish ground rules. (ex: not using ‘infinites’ like “you NEVER listen”) When I become panicked I break them myself though, which is usually not forgiven or forgotten for some time. It’s just so strange to see my spouse go from being a loving, fun, determined person into a grouchy, rude, lazy person. I feel guilty for that judgement though, because I believe that happier person is still there somewhere.