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Hemingway

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  • June 6, 2017 at 11:17 am #152154
    Hemingway
    Participant

    Dear Jihun,

    I googled the term “Platonic love” and found this definition:

    A deep, non-sexual friendship between two heterosexual people of the opposite sexes.

    Unfortunately, the expression means you were friend-zoned. Every man goes through this—the part of a relationship where we question whether or not the feelings are mutual. You’ve already made the right choice in calculating your next move, and it is always better to be cautious when dealing in unknown territory.

    But what is the right choice you ask? Relationships are fickle; there is no right choice. To piggyback off what Anita said, women do have sex with men they are not attracted to, and many would not object to being on the receiving side of pleasure. However, I advise against pursuing this practice.

    You will encounter many women in your life, and some might be more or less ambiguous than the current. Yet, if you spend this time developing yourself as a man (I assume you are one but correct me if I’m wrong), then you will have no trouble spotting an uninterested woman from another—and most importantly, deciding which is right for you.

    The biggest mistake we make is chasing the first person that shows us a bit of interest. Although the attention is nice (and I’m sure we can all agree that a little attention is great), it is not fair to shortchange ourselves by feeling that we are not good enough. Our subconscious is always listening, and the next person that comes into our lives is getting a man/woman that believes we are only worthy of “Platonic love.”

    Jihun, my advice is this: Enjoy the company and be happy while continuing to grow as an individual.

    This woman is obviously unclear in her objectives, and don’t allow yourself to get caught in a head-trip because of her indecisiveness (I use indecisiveness because she seems to enjoy having you around while knowing you have feelings for her).

    There are plenty of youtube videos on learning how to attract the opposite sex, build yourself into a better orator, and creating a positive mindset. TinyBuddha has been a great resource for myself, and I hope that you continue to ask questions.

    Stay positive, my friend.

    – Hemingway

     

     

    June 3, 2017 at 10:29 am #151768
    Hemingway
    Participant

    To Miss Cee:

    When reading this, I don’t see a fear of commitment but rather a fear of being hurt. A fear of commitment seems to be prevalent in men who enjoy dating multiple women, unsure of whether to continue “playing” or simply settle down with one, in which focusing their energy toward an end result can seem exhausting and isolating.

    I say this because I have also been in his position. Years of putting trust, love, and dependency in another can wear you down – and I believe his attraction to you is real (he wouldn’t have revealed anything intimate about himself if this were not the case), but his past won’t allow him to move forward.

    You almost have to approach this situation similar to when you adopt an animal that has previously been abused – with understanding and compassion. They may bite and yelp when you pick them up, but you have to understand it’s not their fault. And it’s usually all the work required that pushes people away, hence why the animal is never adopted. It’s an interesting way of looking at relationships, but I think it’s the only way to deal with someone has been scarred.

    You have two options:

    1) Pursue him

    2) Leave him alone

    With number 1, you have to be the one leading the relationship until he trusts you fully. That might mean chasing him, checking up on him, and even planning your activities and making sure he follows through. This might even mean dealing with this situation again in the next few months. But if you want it, you’ll do it.

    With number 2, you have to be okay with letting him go and waiting until he comes back around.

    I’m sorry you’re going through this because it is never clear-cut, and our answers can only go so far. But just don’t take it personally, and continue living your life joyfully, with an open door to all possibilities and people, until the next situation comes along. You’ll be wiser because of this. 

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