I think if others read this, they could learn from my mistakes.

If you have issues with self image or depression, address the immediately. The sooner the better. They will not resolve themselves.

I was bullied a lot, put down by family members, and had no friends growing up. I was always the tallest, developed the fastest, and had a big nose and pale skin. I never liked what I saw, or wanted to be seen.

At 14 i deveoped an eating disorder, and it lasted about 2.5 years. My parents told me to stop or i would be kicked out of their house.

i had no where to go so I did, but my issues lingered. I got better at hiding them.

I didn’t realize how much that carried over into my adult life until recently. It feels a bit overwhelming trying to take on these issues now, but it’s okay because things can only get better.

At least with age, you realize looks aren’t everything, but it’s still sometimes hard to have people look at me.

Thank you for your reply.

I have always not liked the way I look. That is mainly what kept me from dating when I was younger.

I agree that I need to get live for myself. I’m actually planning on speaking to a therapist this week.

I also am afraid I’m never going to love someone they way I love him.

I’m mad at myself for whatever I did to ruin it.

I can’t tell if it’s because he actually wants kids and got mad about what I said, or was more mad that I knew he didn’t want them?

Last night, I was able too email him and he responded. But as of now I’m still blocked.

In the email I just asked if I could still see him when I move down.

he said yes, let me know when you get here.

We had been seeing each other for a year. In person every month, sometimes twice. We texted and spoke every day.

He was also the guy I lost my virginity to, and he knows that.

It only started to dwindle over the summer, as I really began making the move.

At one point he said to me, “I really do care about you, but please understand I’m not making any promises yet. But I want to be with you.”.

I understood that. You can’t really get a full understanding of someone enough to make a commitment in a long distance relationship, at least I feel.

And although we had spoke about wanting kids together, I knew that wasn’t in the immediate future. I was also unsure how much he really wanted them.

so one night he texted me and asked if I was still on birth control.

i said “ yes. I know you don’t want a kid with me just yet lol.”

Then the thought bubble went on and off screen several times, and my next message wasn’t delivered.

Tgat was when he blocked me last, and I can’t figure out why?

Worst of all I can’t ask him.