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Hi Brian!
There are different levels of caring about others.
Kind people may care about strangers. This might involve caring about their needs being met. They may believe in treating all people with respect and kindness. Perhaps, they also care about the happiness of others. Even if all they can do is try and make you smile or laugh for a brief moment.
Caring about acquaintances might mean taking an interest in their life. Being willing to listen to any difficulties they are having. You might even do favours for each other or exchange gifts.
Caring about friends and family is obviously going to be a deeper connection. Perhaps this involves sharing private thoughts and emotions that you may be unwilling to share with others. Often, people will feel concern and want to help if a loved one is struggling.
Obviously, there are many things left out. Individuals may be willing to do different things at different levels. It is natural for some people to come and go in our lives. Ultimately, no one is forced to laugh at jokes, smile or compliment another. They do it because they want to.
Can I ask you what value the beliefs you discussed add? How do they make you feel? How do you think they would make others feel?
Previously, you mentioned distrust with meeting new people. Where do you think this level of  distrust comes from?
Hi Simon
Anita is giving you some really great feedback. Iâd like to consider the practical aspects of your lifestyle.
My immediate concern is overwork. Various circumstances can mean that a level of work we were previously capable of is no longer feasible.
Could you take a vacation and see how you feel after taking a break?
What would you like your lifestyle to look like? Is it time to involve children in the family business? Would you like to reduce your hours? Would you like to retire at some point?
It sounds like youâre a good person who puts a lot of pressure on yourself. If taking things a bit easier helps you get through your day. I think youâve earned it!
Hi Lily
Youâve got a lot of feedback already so Iâll keep it short.
My understanding is that being a housewife is akin to a full-time job often taking on many responsibilities.
Can you outline your work experience as a housewife for the past 10 years? Please consider, if you werenât available to fulfil those responsibilities, who would be paid to perform those tasks?
Dear Anonymous
Unfortunately, emotionally attaching to someone  that youâre not in a relationship with is very risky. She set boundaries by refusing to acknowledge a relationship and when someone does that theyâre unlikely to change their mind.
There is a culture of friends with benefits these days. Some people string things along enough to keep things going as long as theyâre getting something out of communication and meeting up.
My recommendation is that you learn from this experience and  look out for warning signs such as these in future partners. You can easily protect yourself simply by moving on when a partner doesnât show an appropriate level of interest.
There are many people out there who are genuinely seeking relationships. Iâm sure future relationships will bring new challenges. I hope you enjoy the journey.
A few questions to ask yourself. What do you appreciate in a potential partner? What do you want from a relationship? What donât you want from a relationship? Do you find yourself attracted to unavailable people? If so, you might want to explore why.
Sorry for the delay Ivygrl! I was unwell yesterday and wasnât able to give my full attention.
I think youâre asking all the right questions, this kind of personal development takes effort, time, patience and acceptance.
Whilst wanting to improve your behaviour and emotional control is understandable and a great goal. I think it is equally important to accept your condition and the unique limitations that come with it.
When I say accept, I mean do not blame yourself when things donât go to plan. Itâs okay to make mistakes.
Iâve said before you seem very hard on yourself. Youâve mentioned that you have perfectionist tendencies. This puts additional stress and anxiety on yourself. Relaxing your attitude and challenging these thoughts. Allowing yourself to be without punishing yourself is very important for managing anxiety. One method people use when they are struggling to be kind to themselves is âwhat would I say to a friend in my situation?â.
Youâve mentioned that teachers tell you off for behaviours, you mentioned that your mother is strict. You mentioned your carer threatened you. This is what I meant when I asked before if you picked up these tendencies from others.
Negative emotions are as much a part of life as the positive ones. Crying can even be helpful. It can release tension and endorphins, it is a request for comfort from others. Personally, understanding my reasons for crying helped me to substitute an alternative behaviour. If I want comfort from others. I know to communicate that now.
Understanding your triggers can help you plan strategies to cope with those situations.
For example, when Iâm anxious I find that I donât communicate well. To avoid issues when I know I am going to be anxious, I often write down in advance what I would like to say. Including phrases to end conversations if it gets too much.
Personally, I have difficulties with changes to plans. This means that I need to ask others for help to figure out a new next step in the plan.
Self-soothing is a very important skill to learn to help manage difficult emotions. Meditation or journaling can be helpful for some. Practicing compassionate self-talk is another strategy. Perhaps you already have some self-care methods that work for you?
Happy holidays Ivygrl!
Please see below part one of my reply. I will post part two separately tomorrow. There is a lot to cover!
I would recommend reading about different learning styles and studying / note taking methods. Figure out which study techniques might be helpful to you. Unfortunately, college is often better than school for accommodating different learning styles. Taking regular breaks is important when youâre studying. When youâre at home perhaps you could get a snack to eat while youâre studying.
There are a lot of free websites that can assist with school work. If you Google the topic youâre working on you may find helpful information. Khan Academy is a great website with information about a variety of subjects.
Regarding your art and writing. There are many online communities and resources that can assist you with your art and writing. Google is a wonderful tool. It sounds difficult to find a balance with school and creativity.
Good luck!
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 