Forum Replies Created
-
Hi Kamila
It looks like my previous reply was filtered out by moderators. Iām not sure why? Possibly because I shared a link to resources. Fortunately, I copied the message before attempting to post it. Please see below:
Thank you for you kindness! I appreciate you sharing your difficulties.
I believe you when you say there is a language barrier, because you misunderstood my question.
What do you miss most from your life before your health issues developed?
I wasnāt asking about your health condition.Ā I was asking what activities you enjoyed but can no longer do because of your health condition.
For me, it was important to include activities that I missed doing in my new lifestyle.
For example, I loved hiking. But I wasnāt able to hike anymore because of my health issues. When I donāt go outside I feel very unhappy. Now, I go on short walks and look for places to sit down and rest at frequently. When I donāt feel up to that, sitting in my garden or sitting in a car and looking at the countryside is helpful.
I hope the bold text was helpful. It it isnāt, please ask me to stop using bold text.
Your financial situation will improve when your husband learns German. This will help him get a better job.
I wish you both the best of luck! You seem lovely person and have taken care to reply to everyone that posted in your thread.
Hi Mary
I think it can be used in different contexts and mean different things.
Some people said that my husband was too much because he is loud, friendly, positive and outgoing. The people that said that were shy introverts.
Friends can use the phrase in a jokey way while laughing. āOh, youāre too much!ā
My sister often feels that she is too much because she has difficulties and worries about bringing others down or her emotions overwhelming others. She has been treat poorly by others.
I think it is difficult for some people to emotionally distance themselves from situations and give others the space they need to express themselves. A lot of people are hurt when their loved ones are in pain. I think that most of the time in these situations, people just need someone to listen and care about them without overly being involved in the situation. It is easier said than done!
I have a friend who has difficulties with some of Ā her āfriendsā as she is experiencing difficult circumstances and talks about them. They feel emotionally brought down by her discussing these issues so they donāt want her to talk about it anymore. It is very painful going through difficult circumstances alone without being able to discuss it with people you care about. We all seek comfort and reassurance from loved ones.
Personally, I donāt believe in matching vibes. I can be happy, whilst someone else is sad and vice versa. What is important is communicating appropriately.
I think itās entirely appropriate to set boundaries when you need to. If mental space is already limited, itās fine to say āPlease can we talk about this another time? I would like to be present and give you the care and attention this needs but Iām not able to do that right now. Iām feeling X, Y, Z myself.ā
Thank you, I appreciate the sentiment.
There are lots of desperate people in need, hoping that others will take their problems away. More often than not, difficult choices need to be made.
Healing often involves suffering and the willingness to endure it. Whether in the chair of a therapistās office, the side effects of medication, a surgeon is operating, laying on an acupuncture table or doing the best you can to manage your health at home.
Unfortunately, this message doesnāt always provide hope.
I am quite happy that you are sharing your own feelings, thoughts and experiences. I appreciate the time and effort you have taken to discuss this with me.
I have been very lucky, to receive a lot of help. It is extremely difficult to manage these situations alone. The reason I shared these details with you is because I sensed the comparisons you were making. I wanted you to be aware that it was a matter of different circumstances and a support network in place. You did the best you could, given the lack of support and resources available.
Iām very sorry to hear that your mother threatened your life. That must have been terrifying.
I can confidently say that you have helped me Anita. Through our discussion I have been able to understand why some of my anxious thoughts / habits occur. Previously, I wasnāt aware of the links to specific themes. I believe this will help me better manage my anxiety.
Therapy taught me a tool to address flashbacks. I plan on using this to address when catastrophising occurs.
The tool is as follows:
I have a tendency to catastrophise and worry about worst case scenarios when stressed or overwhelmed due to previous abuse. Those Ā experiences lead me to anticipate suffering or abandonment and believe that I deserve it for existing. This is not true!
This is 2022, I am safe at home with my pets and husband. I have many good people in my life and have had many good experiences that I deserve. I will have many more good experiences in the future.
Worst case is rarely accurate. What are some reasonable alternatives to the worst case scenarios? Practice deep breathing until anxiety stabilises and do something kind for myself.
Also, I identified that my habits of using anxiety to distract from physical pain are probably not very helpful as stress increases pain sensitivity. So I really should nip these habits in the bud.
I will do some reading about the effects of trauma bonding and consider returning to therapy. Thank you for your advice!
Hi HoneyBlossom!
I didnāt realise that skin cancer would be a side effect of global warming. It does make sense! Thank you for your sharing. Iām glad that you are taking steps to protect yourself.
In my area, food prices have increased, produce from the supermarket goes bad within a couple of days. This never used to happen, which leads me to believe that food is being stored to near the end of itās shelf life before being delivered to stores. Often, the store runs out of chicken and brown bread. The food shortages are mild at the moment. Farmers are announcing that food prices will rise again as they rely on energy to farm.
Energy prices have doubled here, 1/3 of households are so poor they meet the definition of living Ā in poverty and 1 in 10 people access food banks.
I think that growing your own produce is a great idea to manage difficulties. I have noticed that chickens are becoming very popular pets.
I have been learning about foraging. There are lots of plants that are edible, but classed as weeds. I was surprised to learn this. I live by the coast and I was curious one day. I thought the Japanese are fond of seaweed. I wonder if other varieties are edible. It turn out that some are if you learn to prepare them.
Hi Kamila
Iām sorry to hear about your difficulties. I too have experienced health issues and found TCM acupuncture very helpful. The most helpful part for me was electro acupuncture which is essentially a TENS machine. You can purchase TENS machines fairly cheaply for use at home.
If there is an acupuncture school near you, they my may offer acupuncture with supervised students at reduced rates. Some also offer student discounts.
Iām not sure if you have received herbal medicine from your acupuncturist. My experience is that the quality varies wildly from acupuncturist to acupuncturist. If you found the herbal medicine of a high quality and helpful it may be worth putting money towards that over the acupuncture itself. If you TCM doctor is willing to share your diagnosis and prescription with you, you may find the herbal medicine cheaper online.
Acupuncture is excellent at reducing stress and relaxation. These are things you can also work on at home. On YouTube there are forms of yoga designed for access for people with health conditions which I found particularly helpful.
My mother was institutionalised because she expressed a desire to harm myself and my brother to a doctor.
We were placed in short term care whilst she recovered in hospital. When she was released from hospital I refused to return to her ācareā because of the abuse.
Initially, I gave the option of pursuing a relationship with my mother from a distance on the condition that she acknowledged her abusive behaviour and apologised. She apologised but claimed to not remember any of the abuse. This was not enough for me as she was refusing to acknowledge her abusive behaviour. So I chose to cut contact entirely.
The state provided free access to child therapy for the abuse at home. This probably explains why I able to insist on setting boundaries as a teenager.
Honestly, I was terrified of her. As a child I cried myself to sleep at night. There were moments of rest between her abuse, but the abuse far outweighed those moments. Saying she loved me was like offering crumbs to someone starving. I did everything I could as a child to limit the time I was around her to protect myself. Once school age, this was relatively easy.
I can say that I did love her despite the abuse, asĀ children do. I longed for her to be able to love me. However, I was acutely aware that she was incapable of returning those feelings.
Whilst some parents are incapable of love, children are inherently bonded to their parents.Ā As I have grow older, my definition of love has become more rigid. I believe that love is based on treating people with kindness and respect.
Many people are too damaged by their own experiences and trapped in repeating the cycle of abuse.Ā It takes a great deal of strength to break out of.
Well done on establishing those boundaries and protecting yourself, congratulations on breaking the cycle of abuse Anita. The circumstances you were born into were not your fault. Iām sorry that your mother wasnāt able to treat you with the love and kindness you deserve. I see that you are kind person and have helped many people.
What is interesting about love is that we are all born worthy of it, just by existing.
Thank you for clarifying your intent. Apologies for misinterpreting. I understand why you were holding up a mirror to Brianās beliefs. I hope you can see that after discussion, Brianās behaviour towards others has now softened.
Personally, I understand why those who are in pain reject others. That pain comes from a place of distrust because people expect to be treat how they have in the past.
From my perspective, showing someone who is distrustful that you are trustworthy can be helpful. This may lead to them giving others the opportunity to build trust and result in developing fulfilling relationships.
Hi Johanna
I think you already know that her behaviour is troubling.
Be honest with yourself. Do you think you will ever meet her in person? Do you think you would ever have a family with her?
You might have a lot of empathy for her because you see that she struggles with issues similar to you. When she isnāt behaving badly perhaps you even enjoy her company.
But this isnāt about her. Itās about you.
Why do you tolerate the abuse when she doesnāt even meet your needs and you have no real future? Are you afraid of being alone? How does being without her make you feel?
Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 