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Helcat

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Viewing 15 posts - 751 through 765 (of 974 total)
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  • May 16, 2022 at 4:28 pm in reply to: Buddhism Journal #400382
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi @Peter

    Thank you for sharing your insight!

    I grew up in a religious cult while being abused so for a long time I was angry at God. I blamed him for the bad things that happened. I prayed for him to save me and I thought he didn’t answer.

    I waited for a long time and an opportunity arose to escaped that situation. Perhaps, giving me the strength to get out of the situation myself is an answer to my prayers?

    I could say, why was I put through those experiences all of that pain? But the alternative, a different sperm would have created a different person. Would I wish those experiences on anyone else? No. Would others have been able to recover from this treatment? Not all can.

    I could ask why does pain exist in general? Can’t we get rid of it? But there are people who physically can’t feel pain and they accidentally severely hurt themselves for that reason. Ultimately, it is a natural part of life. We all get sick, grow old and die. Pain tells us when something is or was wrong.

    Personally, I like the saying that you cannot  experience joy without experiencing sorrow. I like the idea that the spectrum of emotion gives colour to our lives and that we learn from contrasting experiences.

    I would agree, I think many people assume it means tolerating poor behaviour.

    I agree, love requires healthy boundaries. Without it we are not loving ourselves. I believe that love also based on mutual respect. Definitely, that makes sense. I like that! Love means holding others and oneself accountable.

    Thank you Peter!

    May 16, 2022 at 3:43 pm in reply to: Buddhism Journal #400352
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Everyone!

    I tried to post this yesterday. Hopefully it will stick the second time around!

    Yesterday’s topic while reading Four Illusions was confronting our fear of death.

    I have experienced the death of my step father and pets.

    I have almost died myself a few times.

    My mother was fond of suffocation and drowning. I practiced free diving breathing techniques to survive this. I was scared of dying in this violent way.

    As a teenager I drowned in a river. The same breathing techniques I learned as a child helped to save my life once more. I was very lucky that friends I was with pulled me out of the water and resuscitated me. This was a unique near death experience. I felt my organs shut down to preserve energy, my vision went black. There was white light everywhere and I felt peace. The last thing I remember thinking was that my friends didn’t have much time left to save me, but it was okay if they couldn’t make it.

    As an adult I was very sick and diagnosed with a tumour. It was a very unique time, I both wanted to die because of how much pain I was in and yet was afraid of dying. Somehow I had hope that my condition would improve. I wasn’t ready to go yet because there were many things that I still wanted to experience.

    Would anyone else like to share any experiences related to death?

    May 16, 2022 at 3:16 pm in reply to: Work Decision #400329
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Greenshade!

    Thank you for sharing! It makes sense that it was easier to set boundaries and manage the work stress when it was on limited days.

    May 16, 2022 at 2:55 pm in reply to: School Bullying #400320
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Anita

    Clearly you didn’t listen the first time I asked so I will ask you again.

    Please stop referring to our disagreement and making comments about it.

    May 16, 2022 at 2:42 pm in reply to: I don’t know what happened to me #400319
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi PuChop!

    I’m sorry to hear that you’re under a lot of stress and that your mood has been up and down. Your concerns are understandable.

    Can you describe your ideal vacation? Perhaps you can’t go on that vacation right now. But maybe you can bring small pieces of it into your life now.

    May 16, 2022 at 2:34 pm in reply to: My husband wants a divorce and I don’t #400317
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Haasini

    My condolences. I’m very sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband, his family and the miscarriage.

    I have a question. Why do you want this marriage? You have been treat horribly by both your husband and his family. Why do you want to continue to have a relationship with them? Surely this would only lead to more abuse and more pain.

    Regardless, we cannot impose our will on another. We can only manage our own actions. It sounds like your husband has made his decision.

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Helcat.
    May 16, 2022 at 4:14 am in reply to: What will my life be now? #400303
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Nichole!

    I’m sorry to hear about your online dating troubles! Personally, I don’t like online dating. Have you considered speed dating or joining a hobby or social group?

    I enjoy being friends with people so I have an understanding of their personality before considering dating them.

    May 15, 2022 at 9:42 am in reply to: the Wantimon Urda, “the wantizen asTheravada” (Buddhist Torah) history of weed #400276
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Sara!

    I like your enthusiasm! It took me a while to finish reading it and I might not have understood it all but thank you for sharing. 🙏

    Did you write all of this yourself? Or are they snippets of text?

    May 15, 2022 at 3:14 am in reply to: Work Decision #400271
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Greenshade!

    It has been a pleasure speaking with you!

    Awh, thanks! No, it has been more like my personal agenda than an organizational priority. I think I could still collaborate with my future colleagues in the future though to work on this if I were to leave things on a  good enough note.

    If it is up to you, I am confident that you would  manage to leave on a good note. This idea of collaborating with colleagues to continue to achieve your personal goals sounds like a good plan.

    “Yes, I do communicate this stuff. They still get angry. Yes, thank you for the reminder!”

    It’s unfortunate that your manager doesn’t have better control over their behaviour. I’m sorry that you have to deal with their emotional outbursts. This definitely sounds like a stressful work environment. Well done for coping with the stress for so long! But you do deserve better.

    I have been in a similar situation myself and honestly, I was relieved to finally walk away from that environment. I have been very lucky because the environment in my most recent job has been entirely different. It’s a breath of fresh air when coworkers are professional, kind and supportive.

    Oh, I don’t know if this will be helpful, but how I managed my anxiety at the poor work environment was by understanding that these people are behaving in this way not because of me or anyone else. But because of poor coping mechanisms. They do not have healthy skill sets that allow them to cope with stressors.

    I have a couple of questions. Before the more recent role you worked there in a previous role. How was your anxiety then? How did you cope then?

    • This reply was modified 2 years, 6 months ago by Helcat.
    May 14, 2022 at 3:14 pm in reply to: Aliive but NOT Living #400244
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Matilda

    I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s passing and your difficulties with isolation due to covid.

    Would you like to talk about how you are coping or not coping with the grief of your mother’s passing? I can hear how much you loved her.

    It must be very difficult for you not having that close family support.

    I hope the following will comfort you, but feel free to disregard it. Your mom is a part of your memory, being with her shaped your personality. She is a part of you and you will never lose that.

    How do you think your mother would advise you on this situation?

    May 14, 2022 at 11:14 am in reply to: Buddhism Journal #400178
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi everyone!

    Today with Four Illusions we are discussing familial love.

    It points out that most love is conditional. If someone behaves in a way we disapprove of, many of us retract our love.

    I have seen this happen many times. Sometimes people have a black and white mindset. What we disapprove of is bad, therefore they are bad. People who are happy to know you when they are enjoying your company can quickly turn their back when displeased.

    Personally, I don’t identify with this mindset. I like discussing and resolving problems unless significant harm is caused. I believe that it is possible to feel more than one thing at the same time. I can be hurt or angry and still love.

    But it is hard for me to be vulnerable in those situations. I feel defensive and I don’t like backing down first when someone is being confrontational.

    May 14, 2022 at 10:35 am in reply to: Can’t seem to figure out what I should do #400168
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Celeste!

    Are you hoping to start another business or enjoy retirement?

    Please tell me about your interests and hobbies!

    How are you feeling after the knee replacement?

    May 14, 2022 at 2:02 am in reply to: How do working people take care of their dogs? #400073
    Helcat
    Participant

    Some people give their dog to relatives to mind throughout the day. Flexible ownership is becoming more popular too, where more than one household owns a dog.

    May 14, 2022 at 1:36 am in reply to: How do working people take care of their dogs? #400071
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Samuelward!

    Generally agree, except for never leaving the dog alone. Training it to be alone and happy for a short period of time is valuable as it prevents separation anxiety. Walking a dog before doing this and giving them a chew toy guarantees good behaviour. Most likely they will happily  fall asleep. A responsible owner will create a safe place for the pup to wait where they can’t get up to any mischief.

    As for toilet training, it depends on the breed. If it is a larger more intelligent breed they can take to toilet training very quickly because their bladders have more room and they have the facility to learn. Also, it is the owners responsibility to learn the dog’s elimination schedule. If the owner is attentive there won’t be a lot of accidents.

    I have the good fortune of knowing a dog walker. Most people that are working away from home  hire one. I have heard of other strategies like taking the dog for a walk before work and if you live quite close going home on your lunch break. Some people put cameras in their home to check on their dog. It should be noted that not everyone works full time.

    May 13, 2022 at 3:49 pm in reply to: I just randomly and suddenly fell out of love #400046
    Helcat
    Participant

    Hi Dani!

    My first thought is that your partner is abusive. How he is treating you is very wrong and it’s nothing to do with his depression. Depressed people don’t inherently perform these behaviours, it is not a symptom. Please don’t tolerate this kind of behaviour out of empathy.

    You’re right. The truth is that people don’t just stop loving each other overnight.

    To me, it seems like he has been trying to break up with you for a while but he has been a coward because he likes the comfort you provide. You deserve better! I’m so sorry he’s said all of these hurtful things and has been treating you in this way.

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