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HelcatParticipantHi Anita
Thank you, that is very kind of you to say. 😊 I have always appreciated your kindness. I hope that your shoulder feels better soon.
Love and best wishes!
❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantIt is said that perception is what makes stress stressful. Once again I am having difficulty sleeping because of hormones. Instead of anxiety this time. My mind is at play, wondering about paintings and the nature of the universe. Time to calm down and go to sleep.
HelcatParticipantIt occurred to me today upon reflecting on the relationship difficulties in the fourth trimester. Hardship can make people act out of character. But when we act out of character, flexibility is allowed. It is a temporary reaction. A moment of madness. There may be judgement and the start of attachment with empathy. But it is easier to let go of behaviours, thoughts and feeling that you don’t identify with.
I’ve had moments in the past thanks to meditation. Shutting down anxiety because my health was too bad and it was making things worse and I could not cope. I had a similar moment yesterday. I could not sleep because of anxiety. I thought to myself. I need to sleep, I will be useless to my son tomorrow if I don’t. I don’t want him to experience anxiety like this when he is older. What would I tell him that would help him? Sometimes our minds can play tricks on us thinking of lots of horrible things. But those things rarely happen. Often good things happen or just okay things.
It is funny how we attach to behaviours and thoughts and feelings that occur over a prolonged time. Some of this is science. Some of it not. This is me, this is unchangeable. If you believe it, it is true. A calm quiet acceptance, a refusal to engage with the mind can help so much.
Anxiety involves tossing and turning things. Imagining, playing with it in the mind. This is an active process. It is hard to restrain. Very hard, but not impossible.
HelcatParticipantHi Tommy
It looks like you achieved what you wanted to a hieve in the end. 😊 I think that he did too, so all was not in vain.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantTo spoil the secret of the blank white canvas would ruin the wonder and joy a child would experience.
HelcatParticipantHi Peter
I have almost died on more than one occasion. Once I wasn’t afaid, once I was. The second time I was afraid because it was slow and painful. I couldn’t walk or stand. The pain was indescribable and at the same time I wanted to die even though I was afraid because I wanted to put an end to the suffering. I was afraid because there were people I loved and things that I still wanted to experience. Even though I was slowly dying, I was happy because I had a life worth living for.
The first time, I wasn’t afraid. I was happy and it happened quickly and painlessly. I thought this isn’t so bad. I could die without any regrets and not needing anything else from life. If I stayed or went it didn’t matter.
I guess the older I got, the greedier I got. I wanted to experience, to love, to achieve. I guess you could call this identity. Or a future. An identity not yet formed. I wanted to enjoy the journey I was on with my partner, to become and build a future. I had goals.
I have achieved those goals. I became who I wanted to be and now I have new goals, new wanting to become. A new future. The difference now is that I don’t want these things as fiercely. The people to protect and love are the most important now.
A blank piece of paper was what God looked like to me as a child and rays of light beaming down from the sky, heaven. It is a beautiful thing to find joy in a canvas and awe in the light. We can lose sight of that sense of wonder as adults.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Mr A
With a BMI of 33 your wife’s health is at risk with a pregnancy. To keep trying would put her life in danger. Hypothetically, possible but dangerous for both her and any potential child.
Issues with weight are often tied to difficulties with sleep and overworking. What are you to do if you are tired and running out of energy? There is a biological trigger to eat in these cases. Working on sleep and reducing the amount of work can be helpful. Having it all isn’t really a thing, something has got to give.
It is very depressing to keep trying for a child and failing. As others have pointed out emotional eating is a thing.
Again having it all isn’t a thing. This is karma. You don’t get to decide the hand that you are dealt in life.
Have compassion for the difficulties that your wife is going through. Have compassion for your own difficulties and realise that this is karma. Neither of your fault. If you want to get through the suffering together, just be there for each other, if the situation is too painful leave.
It should be said that everyone has difficulties in life. If it not one thing it will be another. Fighting to have no difficulties is pointless. Life always involves some kind of suffering.
Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantClosure of this issue can be found by focusing on their pain, not your own. That is why you have received this feedback. It is not an attempt to attack you. It is an attempt to help you find the closure you seek. Once you have done that, you have learned the lesson and it is easy to let go of.
Anita was kind to you and didn’t try to attack you. I’m sorry that you don’t see it that way and you find your own pain too difficult to look through. Even though you can’t say the words. Perhaps in this pain you experience you can feel it?
HelcatParticipantHi Abde
Part of apologising is being genuinely sorry for your actions. You don’t even see your actions as wrong.
HelcatParticipantFor clarity, that you are serious about a relationship with someone when you are still married is part of the problem. You should not be mentally shopping for a new wife.
HelcatParticipantHi Abde
Tommy is not wrong. You may be having difficulties in your marriage but in this situation, the lying and the cheating you are the one at fault. No one forced you to do that, you chose to do that intentionally knowing that it would be hurtful. You manipulated Muns by intentionally misrepresenting your situation so a relationship could even occur knowing that you would have been rejected otherwise.
You don’t really seem to care that you have hurt people. Only complaining about your own pain.
This is not kindness. Perhaps you are usually kind. But for whatever reason in this situation you are not being kind. Only you know the reason for this. You have been considering only yourself and if you had not been caught out you would have continued to do so.
To think that you are the good guy in this situation is misguided. Guilt can be a good thing when you have hurt someone, it helps you to learn from your behaviour. Lying to yourself only prevents you from growing past this situation.
HelcatParticipant❤️❤️❤️
HelcatParticipantSome additional thoughts. In my practices it is not a sin to be angry on behalf of someone else. However, it is a sin to be angry towards yourself. So in this case not treating yourself with compassion would be the issue here.
❤️🙏
HelcatParticipant* Perhaps your compassion lay with the man’s wife and the woman he wronged.
HelcatParticipantHi Tommy
I don’t think you were wrong. That post made me angry. I don’t think that we are better people. You only said what I was thinking. There is more than one way to skin a cat. You told him directly the problem. I was waiting to see if he could figure out his own behaviour himself. Which way is more compassionate? Perhaps the indirect way would not get through to someone so self absorbed?
The only hope I have is that he is behaving in this way because he is in a lot of pain. It is sad when you have to hope for this to be the reason for someone’s poor behaviour. Or perhaps he had a painful life that taught him to behave like this? I do not know.
The other day I was direct with a young woman because dating is tough these days and she will need to learn quickly.
Perhaps your compassion with this man lays with his wife? I do think that you showed him empathy when you said that you know how difficult marriage is and what it is to come last in the relationship.
If you still feel that you have to leave I wish you good luck in your meditations and hope to see you again soon. 😊
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 