Hi Cal

I’m sorry to hear about the break up. How are you feeling about it all? Your writing was very much focused on her with not much said about you. Would you like to share a little more about how the break up is affecting you?

It sounds like your ex was very depressed. I can only guess, but maybe she was trying to protect you from that?

Personally, I don’t see the harm in reaching out, only if that is something that doesn’t harm you. But I wouldn’t expect things to change. If you want to be there as a friend, for someone who is very depressed and she is also open to that, it might be worth reaching out. It is understandable if either of you are not able to do that though.

Hi Nycartist

I wish you a belated happy birthday! A Mexican restaurant and karaoke sounds like a lovely night out.

It sounds like you are very much a people person. I think I text 1 person from college once a year. And maybe text another a couple of times a year and arrange to hang out once a year. I don’t remember either of their birthdays.

Unfortunately, people do move on. People are often very busy with careers and families. It is easier for many to focus on their immediate circumstances. But I don’t think this means that people don’t care about or appreciate the past. They may think very fondly of it from time to time. The added difficulty for you might be living out of state. Do you have friends where you currently live?

As someone who isn’t into big gatherings, 4 sounds like a lot of people. Are these people that attended generally closer to you?

Sometimes feelings of loneliness occur not as a result of other people, but naturally within ourselves. Outside of this birthday situation, do you often internally feel lonely? Or are these feelings brought up by the occasion?

Hi Girl

It sounds like there is fault on both sides.

A) You are both having sex without protection

B) With the pull out method there is a 1 in 5 chance of getting pregnant.

At worst sexual coercion occurred. Based on what you shared it doesn’t sound like you threatened him.

After asking 3 times you laid down feeling bad and he offered to have sex again.

He may have felt bad about what happened. He poorly communicate his feelings about what occurred. He doesn’t care about you not getting pregnant enough to wear a condom or refuse to have sex entirely. He only cared once he was finished.

My advice is don’t have sex with him again.

Hi Nova

It sounds like you might have some concerns about your current relationship. Would you like to discuss them?

My concern with this individual you dated for a month is that really isn’t long enough to know him. He knows you’re engaged and has children yet is still pursuing you. You have to be a pretty shady individual to break up a family. Plus, there is zero security there. If you broke up with your partner for this individual, he might walk away when he’s had his fun.

If you end the relationship with your partner, it should be because it is what you want. Not because of another individual.

Hi EllGee

I’m so sorry, that is an awful situation to be in. I hope that you are taking extra care of yourself during this difficult time? It sounds like you are putting a lot of effort into handling everything and taking care of your children.

The only thing that I would suggest is that perhaps he should be politely encouraged to re-engage with his children. It is not fair on you or them that he has stopped performing his parental responsibilities. He only lives just over 1 hour away, it really isn’t that far. Of course, this should be achieved in a safe way, without exposing them to verbal abuse.

Some parents from abusive backgrounds have difficulty with teenagers as they explore their boundaries and freely express their own opinions. You also mentioned that he doesn’t like his opinions being challenged which fits with the theme.

I’m curious if you have had any recurring themes in arguments during your marriage over the years?

Sorry I don’t have more to share, this is a reflection of that I think you’ve done a great job trying your best to resolve this situation. Also, Anita has already given you a lot of good advice.

Hi Arie

I’m sorry for your loss. Sadly, it’s not the first time I’ve heard of your situation occurring. In fact, it is rather common for cross-cultural relationships. There is a strong drive to marry someone from their own culture that their family approves of. Yet, while living in a different country men still desire sex and relationships.

My guess is that since you wanted to make the marriage legitimate, this pushed him to leave you. This might be difficult to hear, but you have repeatedly asked for the truth and this is often the truth of these situations.

It is important to be very careful to protect yourself from people who try to develop intense relationships very quickly. The motive is frequently not genuine.

Perhaps the bigger question is not why he left. But why you ignored these warning signs which were present from the beginning?

It is important to remember that you were unhappy in this relationship. You previously wrote about being neglected. Perhaps you will learn to protect yourself in romance as a result of this relationship ending?

On the plus side, you mentioned that you feel guilt for feeling nothing towards your parents and siblings. This suggests to me that you do care, despite the experiences that you are currently having. Perhaps things will become more balanced in time?

Do you think these feelings of isolation are related to feeling like other people don’t understand you? Could you explain a little more about the isolation?