Hi Hailey!

Lovely to hear from you again! I’m enjoying communicating with you. I love your self-motivated drive to learn about these topics. You

It is a shame that your parents didn’t compliment you more during childhood. Every child deserves to be complimented and praised regularly.

I can understand feeling pressure to praise people because they were proud of something even though you disagreed. Sometimes the best thing to say when you disagree with something is nothing at all. It is perfectly acceptable to do so. Non-committal responses can be more polite though to show that you are listening. Ahh and okay. That type of thing.

I’m sure with more practice you will get the hang of complimenting people in a way that you are comfortable with.

I wonder, do you have any strategies to lower anxiety at work? Is that where you have the most anxiety communicating? What situations make you most anxious?

I find that the more anxious I am, the more mistakes I make while communicating. Figuring out ways to lower the anxiety has been really important.

I tend to write scripts for myself to read from if I’m feeling anxious about communicating. Then I practice and memorise them at home and refer to my notes as needed.

It’s good to hear that you are practicing gratitude and meditation. In addition to that, I have found yoga extremely helpful. By learning to relax my muscles, I learned how to relax my mind and emotions. I’m also fond of practising diaphragm breathing and progressive muscle relaxation at the moment.

Various conditions such as autism, dyspraxia and mental health issues can cause difficulties with emotional intelligence. It is entirely possible to have no disorders and experience difficulties with emotional intelligence though.

Hi Tricia

It sounds like you’ve been incredibly supportive and don’t deserve the way you are being treat now. Stonewalling – refusing to discuss this issue is a form of abuse. Ignoring you while there are issues with your relationship is once again stonewalling. Lying to you about his trip, aka gaslighting is also a form of abuse.

I think it would be hasty to make any snap decisions about this. Has he already denied cheating on you?

I think the most honest answer you would get is if you messaged the woman in his pictures. I assume that she is tagged and in his friends list somewhere.

I don’t think giving ultimatums is a good strategy. There is a possibility that he may not be cheating. It could be another explanation. An adult man, with children would probably not have an interest in a long distance relationship if they had an in-person relationship. To do both at the same time would take a very cruel and cowardly character. How does your partner usually treat you?

Regardless, the way you are being treat right now is not okay. Good luck figuring it all out. Please take care of yourself through all this stress. ❤️

Hi Tricia

I understand very well the difficulties of a long distance relationship. Made even more difficult no doubt by the challenges your partner is facing. He sounds severely depressed.

How is he around birthdays? Does he face additional depression due to the occasion?

It is good that he doesn’t want to break up. I hope as his difficulties pass your relationship gets easier.

I think for someone who has a hard time letting you know when he needs time for himself and likes to bury his head in the sand, the lie makes sense. It would be difficult to have a conversation essentially rejecting a loving celebration. It would take some explaining and skilled communication. I would imagine he would be afraid of hurting you and damaging the relationship.

I have a question about handling challenges together. You mentioned that he likes to bury his head in the sand. How do you try and support him through his challenges?

Hi Alecsee

I’m sorry that you’re having a hard time with the woman you have been seeing.

I can see where the confusion has come in since you hadn’t discussed being exclusive. Other than that, I can see that you are generally very clear with your communication. Whereas the woman you have been seeing isn’t and expects you to read her mind.

If you think you can forgive her seeing someone while you weren’t exclusive I would suggest being clear with her about being exclusive and see if this is something that she would be interested in.

Otherwise, process this situation however you find most helpful. Perhaps, since you are closing a house you shouldn’t stress yourself about this since you are already going through a stressful situation?

I can understand being excited and wanting to spoil someone early in a relationship but it does create some unrealistic expectations and difficulties with relationships after the phase ends.

You seem like a really great guy with a good head on your shoulders. I hope the pain that you are in over this situation lessens. 🙏

Hi Eric!

This is your thread, you can feel free to post however many times you wish.

Regarding jealousy, you have a habit of frequently judging and criticising yourself. It will take some time and hard work to practice restraining yourself from criticising yourself.

This will happen more naturally as you reduce your anxiety levels and develop your confidence. But you also need to acknowledge that this is a bad habit that causes you a lot of stress and commit to it being something that you no longer want to do.

If it happens, it is an accident. Try your best not to worry. Just notice it happening. Notice how it makes you feel. Understand that it is the act of judging yourself that is making you feel thatway and let it pass.

There is also something else… From my experience there are reasons that prolonge bouts of depression and anxiety. Reasons why we behave the way that we behave. For me, it was a form of avoidance. It kept me safe from the scary outside world. At the same time it prevented me from living my life and made me unhappy.

I also got sympathy from people. Being comforted and reassured made me feel better. But what I learned is that rather than wait for an emotional episode, I could simply ask and seek comfort before I am emotionally desperate for it.

Limiting social media use might be a good idea for you? People tend to show what they want others to see, not how things really are. Everyone has difficulties in life as an adult. No one has a perfect life.

I think a good quality you have is that you are open to listening and eager to learn.

I understand what it is like to have a slow brain. I have a learning disability that leads to slow processing and various other issues. Reducing anxiety is going to be your best friend. The more anxious you are the easier it is to make mistakes and the more difficult it is to process.

I disagree, I think you have lots of good ideas. Going to the gym was a great idea. You will minimise any superficial judgement about your height by going to the gym, being fit, strong and healthy. People will focus instead on how fit and strong you are.

It’s great to hear that you have been developing other skills and trying new things. Learning to ride a bike as an adult is very brave. My husband doesn’t know how to ride a bike and is afraid to try. I enjoy riding my bike, it would be nice to cycle together one day.

I think you have a lot of good ideas about developing skills in activities that interest you. You are very brave taking these steps to develop yourself as a person. I bet you never thought you would be described as brave. But bravery is courage in the face of fear, not an absence of fear.

I also think that you write well and I am a literacy tutor.

Realistically, things will be scary when you aren’t comfortable with them. But as you practice and gain confidence in your new skills you will become more comfortable.

I think the following are some things that many people look for in a long term partner:

Physically healthy

Mentally stable (it is important that mental health conditions are well managed)

Kind

Responsible with finances

Willing to share cooking / cleaning / childcare responsibilities

Likes and wants children (if a family is desired)

Hi Quala

I’m sorry to hear that you have been experiencing difficulty with your boyfriend’s parents.

Does your boyfriend stand up to his parents when they make hurtful comments?

I think it’s fairly normal for parents to have some issues with partners. They are always going to have their own opinion. But if your boyfriend is not telling them that their opinion is wrong that is a problem.

For example, my husband’s family didn’t like me at first because I have a different ethic background. He stood up to them and told them they were being prejudice.

My mom didn’t like my husband or want to spend time with him because she didn’t like that he used to be a therapist. I stood up to her and said if you don’t want to spend time with him, you don’t want to spend time with me.

Standing up for the people you love is very important! I feel like it’s damaging and disrespectful if that doesn’t happen.

Hi Stargazer

It is reassuring that you are from a country where the age difference at the start of rt your relationship was legal. I’m glad to hear that your partner didn’t cheat on you, that the difficulty was minor and that he has been a great partner since.

So these feelings you had previously doubting the relationship were linked to your parents divorce? Can you tell me more about how your parents divorce is affecting you?

It might be important to discuss the impact of the divorce with your partner as well as everything else so that your partner can support you.

Can I ask, is there a reason for why you haven’t yet communicated all of these things with your partner?

It’s entirely possible that similarly to how you responded, your partner would quickly get over this incident of flirting with and kissing a stranger on holiday.

I think that people have done far worse things in relationships. It’s good that there has been a positive outcome in that it has rid you of doubts about your partner.