Hi Anita

We haven’t discussed that much, only less intense topics or subjects that I have previously discussed with my therapist. I have experienced multiple severe traumas in my life. This is why I have a C-PTSD diagnosis. I am less willing to discuss more traumatic incidents, I think that is understandable considering that many of these events are triggers. This conversation has been triggering for me.

You might have good intentions when you question people asking them if things really happened, but it is hurtful. It’s very similar to accusing them of lying. I would suggest you stop asking this question on the forum. It is understandable that you have concerns about truth on an anonymous forum, but it isn’t helpful to share that.

I have experienced issues with feeling powerless. I felt powerless as a child and at times as an adult. When I was raped, I felt powerless. When I was unable to walk for 6 months and felt like I was dying due to health issues, I felt powerless. I hated and blamed myself for being powerless. I did learn to stop hating myself for that though. What is an interesting pattern is that these were all times in my life that I felt suicidal.

I would say that to some extent pain does elicit feelings of powerlessness as I don’t have control over it. I have anxiety with situations that I am uncertain of what the outcome will be. A type of powerlessness perhaps? It doesn’t carry the same intensity of emotion though.

I don’t know how to make peace with feelings of powerlessness. For me, it is intrinsically tied  to severe trauma. It would be like, forgive the hyperbole “accepting the feeling of being raped”.

As always, thank you for your kindness. You have given me a lot to think about.

Wishing you good health and peace! Please let me know about how your trip to urgent care goes. I don’t need any details. I would just like to know if and when you are safe. 🙏

Hi Anita

There is no rush! Please don’t worry.

I have been managing to control ruminating on my worries for the past couple of days. But I’m learning there is more to anxiety than worried thoughts.

So far, I see three elements to anxiety. Rumination on thoughts, the emotion existing with the body and situations that act as triggers for anxiety.

Behind each situation, there is a worry. The scheduling conflict caused me to be concerned about the impact on another coworker. The job interview caused me to question my ability. Did I do a good enough job?

I read an article that mentioned victim language and power language.

Here is the result of my changing the language.

If my coworker is upset, it is a result ofmy supervisor’s decision making. It’s not my fault. Perhaps my coworker won’t even be upset, perhaps she will be understanding.

I just have to wait and see what comes of the interview. The interviewer said that I did a good job answering the questions. The previous interviewer said that I did a good job too. I could  see an interview coach for some advice.

Hi Anita

It’s good to hear from you.

I’m glad that you have had success with not behaving in ways that fuel and maintain anxiety. Any advice or tips that you have for managing anxiety would be welcome.

Trauma is a doozy. It’s a shame that there are e such far reaching impacts.

I heard that someone who lived to over 100 was asked their secret to a long life and they said the key was to never argue with anyone.

Anxiety has served a purpose in an attempt to protect me from danger yet, it is an addiction like any other. I wonder which schema is linked to it? My therapist would tell me that a schema’s function is to keep on existing.

As I learn to relax my nervous system, I’m learning that my health issues are a result of the anxiety condition. It prevents me from getting adequate sleep and disrupts my partner’s sleep too. It discourages me from trying new things and being open to new experiences. The emotional pressure on a daily basis as a result of anxiety, is a form of suffering. This habit once had me believe that it was preparing me for reality. But the emotional response is disproportionate and complicated new challenges arise regularly. More often than not, my fears don’t materialise. If I wait for each challenge to be over for my anxiety to reduce, I would be waiting forever.

Meditation has taught me to clear my mind, but it’s time to put this into practise through the day. These methods put a stop to regular anxiety attacks, now I need to use it to manage my daily anxiety levels. Even as I say goodbye to this habit, it seeks to preserve Itself. It would have me mourn for it. I consider this unnecessary and that it would only do harm. I will have to decide each time anxiety is triggered, how I would like to behave. I will have to consider the emotional impacts my choices and decide which would be most beneficial. I will need to reflect on the realistic impact that stressors have.

I have been practising a loving kindness meditation, this is one tool that has been helping develop my self-compassion. Like many others, I am filled with love. Yet it can be difficult to turn this love towards myself.

I differentiate between shame and social anxiety, though the two are linked. To me, shame is internal and isn’t an immediate result of interaction with others. What has helped address shame is to accept why I feel unlovable and to understand that I am worthy of love.

For example, I felt unlovable because my parents didn’t love me. This occurred not because of fault with me, but due to winning an unfortunate genetic lottery. Experiencing unconditional love has helped me with this, as being accepted by one person is enough for me.

Regarding social anxiety (Anxiety based around interactions with others), I found this to be a result of not liking myself. Whilst learning from behaviours can provide short term relief, this behaviour tends to reoccur unless the underlying issues are faced.

For a long time there was a narrative in my mind claiming that I didn’t know how to love myself because I didn’t feel it. One day I realised that my actions show otherwise. By overcoming the self abuse and being kinder to myself I was practicing self-compassion. By developing my skills and overcoming my fears I was developing confidence. By having conversations with people about boundaries and not allowing myself to be bullied, I was protecting myself.