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January 3, 2023 at 5:54 am in reply to: How can i get rid of this overthinking and insecurity? #413103
HelcatParticipantHi Eric!
Long time no see! Happy New Year! I hope that you had a good holiday period?
Congratulations on getting a girlfriend! How are you enjoying the experience?
My opinion is that the traditional idea of alpha manliness is overrated. I think it’s really thoughtful that you as your partner what she wants to eat.
You have something different to other guys that is positive. You have a level of sensitivity and self-awareness. It would be a shame to hide who you are in pursuit of an idea of manliness.
Remember that I once said that women look for kind caring partners that listen and communicate. You are all of these things. Super proud of you for managing your emotions btw!
HelcatParticipantHi everyone!
Today I had a good experience with a loving kindness meditation that I wanted to share.
I’ve struggled with self-love my whole life. In recent years, I’ve made some headway… It felt like I had the right pieces of the puzzle but they didn’t quite fit into place. The puzzle pieces being healthy boundaries, self-compassion and developing confidence. I was acting towards myself in a loving way, but I didn’t feel it.
With this meditation I practiced sustaining feelings of loving kindness towards others. I hoped that one day I would be able to turn that love towards myself. Today I realized that was true and the story that I don’t love myself, is just that… A story. One that I can finally put down.
HelcatParticipantHi Tee
I hope that you see a doctor soon and they come up with a good treatment plan to help you. Quite literally, wishing you well! š
January 2, 2023 at 9:34 pm in reply to: Urgent: I have a Crush on my female Boss. Is she into me? #413096HelcatParticipantHi Swanky
In your country where same sex relationships are forbidden… What do you think the possible negative repercussions could be on your lifestyle for your boss being aware of your crush? Please consider that women can be very friendly with each other and that doesn’t necessarily mean that she shares your feelings. It could just mean that she likes you as a friend.
HelcatParticipantHi Tee!
Thank you! I hope things improve with your health challenges this year. Please pardon my asking, you don’t need to reply. Is it serious? Would you like to be included in a prayer? Good luck with your career goals too.
A happy, healthy and peaceful 2023 sounds ideal for everyone. It reminds me of a prayer I read once.
May we be free from dangers. May we be free from enemies. May we be from mental anxieties. May we live freely with good bodies and healthy minds.
Love and best wishes to all! š
January 1, 2023 at 2:35 pm in reply to: My nightmarish day. I want to have a strong heart and a strong future #413023HelcatParticipantHi Ivy
That is awful that your stepdad threatened to kill you and physically assaulted you. There are no excuses for his behaviour. You didn’t cause him to do anything, he is an abusive person. I would suggest to tell your parents and any carers you have. Tell your school about his behaviour and you could even go to the police if you wanted to.
I’m guessing that this isn’t the first time that something like this has happened as you have hinted about things before. I would suggest that the reason that you struggle with your mental health could be because you are being abused. It likely won’t improve until you are out of that situation.
You don’t deserve to be treat like this, no one does. You deserve love and support from your family.
January 1, 2023 at 7:29 am in reply to: My nightmarish day. I want to have a strong heart and a strong future #412991HelcatParticipantHi Ivy
I’m sorry that I didn’t reply earlier. I was taking a break from the forum.
I’m sorry to hear that you were banned from a writing site and it upset you. I think it’s important to remember that emotions whilst they feel painful can’t physically hurt you. The feeling will pass and you will be okay. The reality is that you will have to find a new place to write. Please feel free to share your writing here if youwish.
How was your Christmas? Do you celebrate it? I wish you a happy New Year!
I looked through some of your replies I missed and I wanted to share… To improve skills emotional or creative simply requires practice. Practice hard and you will succeed in time. Some people say it takes 10,000 hours to master a new skill.
We all have issues, no one is perfect. You are worthy of love as you are. All of the problems and mistakes are part of being human. I hope that one day this makes sense.
HelcatParticipantHi Tara
Domestic violence organizations can sometimes make arrangements to take animals with you.
September 18, 2022 at 1:12 pm in reply to: Does anyone have experience overcoming habitual thoughts of suicidal ideation? #407187HelcatParticipantA member shared that their partner had bruised their wrists and threatened them calling the experience a bipolar moment. I assume that the member understands what the word bipolar means and is referring to a condition that the Ā partner has.
To clarify, I didn’t criticize the member. I simply provided information debunking the myth of bipolar and violence.
A context regarding suggesting that I was lying was not provided until I pointed out that it was offensive.
You interpreted the message regarding the member who spoke about issues with low emotional intelligence as criticism. But I didn’t reportĀ that post because it wasn’t inappropriate. I clarified this point in a non-direct way for the member to affirm that if things don’t get better despite trying really hard that is okay. In this way, by talking to you I am not suggesting that the member could be on one side of the fence or the other.
When I have criticised you is when you verbally abused a member, accused another member of lying and creating multiple accounts, when you brought up inflammatory religious beliefs which derailed an otherwise peaceful post. I ended up reporting the latter member, as the homophobic quotes they responded with were excessive.
HelcatParticipantHi aVoid!
It’s good to hear that you have been practising mindfulness and feel like you’re healing and generally doing better. It’s great that you’ve quit smoking too, well done!
You’re very aware of your triggers with alcohol, I’m sure that this will help you manage your alcohol consumption in the future. Well done again on stopping drinking when you felt like you had enough. It’s a shame that after you stopped drinking you continued to get drunk and you accidentally flooded your bathroom. I’m glad that you made it out of that experience safely.. If it makes you feel better once I somehow managed to flood my mom’s bathroom while sober. š
It’s good to hear that you have been tidying up too. Sounds like you are making a lot of good progress. Keep up the good work!
September 18, 2022 at 1:36 am in reply to: Relationship that wasnt a relationship gone wrong #407166HelcatParticipantHi Alecsee
Iām sorry that you are still feeling sad as a result of the dating situation. I can empathise with your pain as Iāve been in similar situations myself and like you, I prefer to be committed to one person. Dating is so tricky and painful! It is awful being vulnerable, building a connection with someone only to be rejected. It is awful trying to make connections that fall apart before they even begin too!
Iām sure that in time you will meet someone suitable that you are compatible with. It can be Ā difficult to find a life partner. Patience will be a virtue. Just remember that rejection in dating isnāt personal. You can even love someone and sometimes things just donāt work out. It didnāt work out, she rejected you and you rejected her. It is painful but it happens. You will heal in time and learn to guard your heart a little more.
A saying I have when it comes to dating is that you donāt truly know someone until you have lived with them and seen them experience hardship. A good life partner will be someone that you can live with happily, that respects you and doesnāt waver because of difficulties. Wishing you luck on your dating journey!
HelcatParticipantHi Dan
It is interesting to learn that the father of the children is abusive. That makes sense. I was wondering why he stopped providing childcare during the pandemic?
Would you mind explaining a little more about how at times you donāt take care of your own needs?
I can tell that you are a loving husband. Thank you for the added details regarding sleeping arrangements. I was confused because previously I thought you slept in the basement upon your wifeās request. It is a shame that you have a snoring issue, I hope that you sought medical advice to treat it because snoring can be a sign of sleep apnea.
The situation with your ex-wife sounds very complicated with an abusive father to her children and a sick mother she needs to care for. No wonder she is feeling burnt out. It must be very stressful for you too to be on the receiving end of these circumstances. It is good that you have been working with a therapist. Iām sure that this will be helpful and help you work through the situation. I hope in time, that the pain you are experiencing lessens. Please take extra care of your needs during this difficult time.
HelcatParticipantHi Tara
Iām very sorry to hear that you are still experiencing verbal abuse and coercive control from your parents.
I would suggest that their behaviour is abnormal even for a teenager. I did not have my phone tracked, I was not verbally abused for attempting to date as a teenager.
I would suggest seeking the aid of a local womanās domestic violence organisation. These organisations provide support to women for a wide variety of circumstances including verbal abuse and coercive control. Support is usually provided for abuse from anyone you live with. Perhaps they would be able to assist you with planning to move out of your parents home?
September 17, 2022 at 4:48 pm in reply to: Does anyone have experience overcoming habitual thoughts of suicidal ideation? #407156HelcatParticipantHi Anita
I’m glad to see that you have returned from urgent care.
āDid it really happen?ā suggests that it didn’t happen, which in turn suggests that I’m lying. It may not be your intent to suggest this, but these connotations are a direct result of the phrasing and language used.
Please feel free to reply, if desired.
There are community guidelines for this forum which recommend that we create a positive and respectful environment. For the most part, people largely follow these rules, yourself included. As a long time member, other members frequently mistake you for the creator of the site, or at least a moderator. I seem to remember that you explained that this was not the case. However, that doesn’t mean that people don’t respect you or that your words don’t hold a tremendous amount of weight as a long standing member of the community. Quite the opposite is true in fact.
You have helped a lot of people and you can be very kind. But sometimes you treat an occasional member of this community with disrespect, as you have done in the quote above.
I stopped commenting on your disrespectful comments to other members since 3rd Sept, I decided to only report and that I would not clarify why unless you ask for an explanation.
Regarding September 11th, I replied to the original poster who purported that her abusive partner was abusing her because of his bipolar condition. This statement was offensive to the many, many people with bipolar who aren’t violent and don’t abuse their partners.
I did report your later comment which suggested that an individual with bipolar or schizophrenia could snap and kill someone for the same reason.
If I say something inappropriate, I welcome criticism. As I have previously mentioned, I can be lacking in emotional intelligence at times due to a learning difficulty.
I’m curious about the issues you have with my comments that highlighted disrespect present in your comments? I apologise if they disrupted your feelings of peace and safety. I did my utmost to be respectful while making you aware of behaviour that you might not have realised was disrespectful.
If you wish to return to ignoring me again, that is your decision. Personally, I would prefer to discuss and resolve issues.
HelcatParticipantHi Dan
So… your ex-wife regularly sleeps next to her 10 year old son. This is abusive. A 10 year old boy who at this stage would be well aware of his sexuality. A 10 year old boy wouldnāt ordinarily choose this, this tells me that your ex-wife encouraged him to sleep next to her.
You say that 10 and 14 are young. It’s not. But at their age, they are doing some things that they shouldn’t be doing. This tells me that there is some manipulation going on. A 10 and a 14 year old shouldn’t be crying when their mum sees her ex-husband. Who is encouraging them to cry I wonder? Who encouraged them to resent you?By not having any boundaries with her son, your ex-wife was definitely involved. I wonder if their father is involved too?
I have a question. After the room was made up for the son and he still ended up sleeping with your ex-wife and her mom moved in. Why didn’t you sleep in his bedroom instead of on the couch? I’m assuming that he has a single sized bed.
Can you explain a little more about your neediness? Because all I can see is you being treat poorly and you accepting it. I actually feel angry about the way you were treat. I’m surprised that you don’t feel angry about it too.
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 