*My friend who is an aeronautical engineer has expressed these difficulties in dating.

Hi Daniel

It’s lovely to meet you! You sound very mature and like you have a good head on your shoulders.

You mentioned that you have some anxiety and self esteem issues. I think continuing to work on these issues will be helpful. Confidence is sexy. Have you seen a therapist for these issues?

Could you tell me a bit about the women you’ve been dating? Are there any common themes in your relationships? I’m wondering if you have any habits of selecting incompatible partners.

Dating statistics show that like men, women under 25 women like men value physical attractiveness. However, over the age of 25 women start to find other qualities attractive. Your maturity, stability and other good qualities will become immensely valuable in your dating life as your dating pool ages. Basically, dating becomes selecting partners with good qualities for child rearing.

Hi Hamza

I think with International relationships there’s always the difficulty that people are giving up so much of their lifestyle to move to another country. If the relationship isn’t just so… It’s not worth the difficulties and stress that come with living in a different country.

Well done, that’s some amazing reflection! I’m glad that you’re doing the work, but sorry this is how it came about. It’s most definitely a journey, one that will serve you well in your life. ❤️

Hi Eric

I think it would help if you adjusted your expectations.

Her life is very busy and stressful atm because of her thesis. You said she shared that this has been impacting her mood. You also shared that things went well spending time together on her day off.

When one partner is less busy than the other it natural for the less busy partner to miss the busy partner. On the other hand, the busy partner doesn’t experience that because they are so busy with other things. It’s no one’s fault. That is just life sometimes.

You will probably have a great time when you spend time with her on her days off. You will naturally miss her when she’s busy. As she is so busy it will be important not to opt out of things she invites you to. If you want a relationship where your partner isn’t as busy, you will need to pursue a relationship with someone else.

I think the main concern is how your mental health is reacting to this situation. It’s putting a lot of stress on you. When you start vomiting because of anxiety, your body is at it’s limit.

Hi Eric

If you’re that stressed you’re vomiting because of anxiety you should probably leave the relationship. Not because she has done anything wrong. She is just very busy. It can be hard to date when you are very busy. You may need to get therapy before you are emotionally ready to cope with a relationship. Your anxious thoughts have now fixated on the relationship. The relationship is not the problem, you have untreated mental health issues.

My recollection is that now you have asked her multiple times if you are annoying her. This along with the call means that you’re starting to seek reassurance from her. It’s not her job to reassure you. It’s your job to do that for yourself.

I’ve had issues with reassurance myself, so I know hard it is. What helped me is realizing that there is an underlying mechanism behind reassurance. 1) Seeking social comfort 2) Anxiety management. There’s nothing wrong with social comfort, it’s important to handle these two issues separately. Use your own anxiety management skills to bring your anxiety down.

Hi Victoria

I’ve learned that even the most amazing people have flaws. There are bad people, and average people and good people.

But human nature is biased. Even animals experience similar emotions. I have a dog that was attacked by another dog. Ever since he has been uncomfortable around big dogs, but is comfortable with small ones. He barks at dogs of the same breed that attacked him.

I wonder do you accept yourself and your own flaws? I’m also wondering if you have a history of trauma at all?

Hi Eric

It sounds like things are going well so far!

The only thing I noticed was that you opted out of a party that you were invited to because of anxiety.

You should probably keep an eye on this behaviour. If you opt out of too many things you might not get invitations anymore. It could shut you out of parts of her life that she is trying to share with you.