Hi Seaturtle

I would encourage you to tell me if there is ever anything that hurts your feelings. It is certainly not my intent.

I appreciate your kind heart Seaturtle. You are a truth seeker!

From my perspective, the two of you were incompatible. He faced challenges being homeschooled and with his own trauma. And you faced your own challenges with yours. It’s sad that he didn’t accept you fully. I think you saw that from your very first thread. And you tried for a long time to give him a chance because you are a kind open minded person who is considerate of others. You accepted his trauma, but what you couldn’t accept was not being fully accepted yourself. Quite rightfully so! You are beautiful soul who deserves to be fully accepted!!!

Your ex made the mistake of lending money when he wasn’t truthful about his feelings about it. I believe that he even had difficulty paying bills at one point. No doubt part of him wanted to be chivalrous and help, but part of him worried about finances and he was resentful.

A lot of people are weird about lending money. It can cause problems in all kinds of relationships if the person isn’t 100% on board and willing to never see that money again. I’m sure that you would have paid him back over time when you could had things not gone horribly wrong during the break up. He sunk that ship by treating you badly.

Initially, the break up went well but it was sad to see that he became aggressive and you took a great deal of punishment from him because you felt guilty for leaving him. You shouldn’t feel guilty or take punishment for doing the right thing for you. That voice that was questioning the health of the relationship was spot on, so in the future I would pay attention to that voice. You have some good instincts.

He had one useful point during the initial part of the break up. But it was phrased pretty poorly. So I’m going to change the wording and kind of get to the essence of one thing he struggled with. He felt like you get hurt a lot. It became difficult to keep track of trying to help you with your feelings.

I think other partners in the future could easily have similar difficulties with that. However, I don’t think they would necessarily react in the same way and he reacted poorly.

This is something that I also had difficulty with in relationships because of my trauma. Something that I had to learn was that not every time I felt hurt was someone else’s fault. I had to learn to manage my own triggers and emotions. I also learned to phrase things so that my partner didn’t feel blamed for my feelings when triggered. I would say this has nothing to do with you but, I’m feeling this way right now because of my trauma. It helped my partner to be able to comfort me without feeling blamed.

That being said, there are times when things are still issues for example, everyone has preferences in relationships and it is healthy to communicate them and negotiate between parties how you would like a relationship to be. And there are times when people do things that are genuinely hurtful. It is honestly a delicate balance, one which I’m sure that you will find a balance with in your own time.

A fear you had is that your trauma would be too much in future relationships. I don’t think that will be the case. Trauma can cause ongoing problems, (I still struggle with it during conflict to this day) but you are an empathetic, caring person on an amazing journey of self discovery. You will learn to handle it all with grace. You will meet each challenge and conquer it!

If there are things that you disagree with, you are a courageous strong Seaturtle please feel free to speak your mind. I would like you to express your feelings about my thoughts. It is your life and your relationship. You are the expert in you! I can definitely be wrong!

Love and best wishes! 🙏❤️

*-lofty

Hi Everyone

As a species, our purpose is to reproduce and protect the existence of our species. As humans existing in civilisation, our purpose is to help each other and there are a ton of different ways to do so. As individuals, we all have special things that give our lives meaning that we enjoy and care about – core values. Exploring our core values can bring more joy into our lives.

I think that people often search for purpose and meaning when they are unhappy. I know that I did. What I learned from my search is that we all have reasons for everything we do in a day. Even the things that make us unhappy fulfil a purpose.

I found that learning to accept that and be on board with my choices rather than fantasizing about doing something else infinitely more helpful. That being said, I probably wouldn’t have reached that conclusion without searching for meaning. Nowadays, if I’m uncomfortable with something that I’m doing or not doing it helps to remind myself WHY I’m doing or not doing it.

Ultimately, whatever it is we are currently doing, is what we want to do at the time.

Wishing ya’ll all the best! ❤️🙏

And just so you understand how serious this is. If someone mishandles her she could end up suicidal. It’s a very real possibility….

One thing that might actually be helpful if you do decide to accept the coming and going behaviour would be to get a therapist for yourself. You are a caregiver and that comes with stress. You deserve some support with that.

Hi Sarah

I’m sorry to hear that your mother has been diagnosed with liver cancer. What an amazing lady to be so positive through this.

The idea of potentially losing her is weighing on you and you are looking for hope. She sounds like a wonderful mother and it sounds like you have taken after her looking for hope in these challenging times.

I don’t know if you would find statistics helpful or scary? So I’m just going to ask if you would like to know survival rates for the early and medium stages? There is also a statistic for how many people are diagnosed at an early stage.

Please feel free to talk about anything.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏