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BobParticipantLady Inky —
Just for the approval of other people, we find ourselves doing things that are totally ridiculous and so out of character. I grew rather tired of this hocus-pokus puppet lifestyle and being shackled to a set of standards that I did not agree with. So as a young man without much direction; with a new set of wings and boundless energy I took on life. Made a lot of mistakes, sometimes I became a slow learner but I took hold of the tree of life and shook the hell out of it. Some people entered my life only to an example of who I did NOT WANT to be. My life as a child was full of hatred and violence especially at home, so in my life today I do not tolerate anything of that sort to enter into my life.
So when I discovered my own self beauty, my life took on a totally different outlook. My entire world has turned upside down and I am happy. I do not have to be a cookie cutter person, remain plastic without true feelings; I am beautiful. I am enough and I am just me. Kudos to YOU, Lady Inky.. I adore the beauty that you have discovered inside of YOU. The truth is that it was there all along but you never saw it. Have a great NEW YEAR 2015.
BobParticipantNikita —
Before you lose your sanity or give up completely, you need to take yourself out of this environment. The law of gravity works exceedingly well in life conditions such as yours, Your husband and daughter will pull you DOWN quicker than you can ever dream of pulling UP your loved ones. When you walk or run out that door, do not for any reason stop or look back just keep going.
The bottom line is that there is help for your husband and daughter, but it will not knock your door down to reveal itself. Until they want it or go looking for help, they will only perish and wade in their own misery.
So I want to encourage you to RUN, do not walk and free yourself. My best to you.
BobParticipantLady Carly ~~~
Trust issues can do a lot of damage not only in your present day but also in the days ahead. These under the skin issues can actually become like an ugly boil. You can waste a lot of time bouncing the ball of ‘trust’ back and forth but it may not solve anything. Especially when they choose to deny it.
If you can arrange a face to face meeting with the two of them, I would bring an ally with you. Just to make it an even playing field. Start it out with perhaps a beer or two and some light conversation. Then it is time to ‘flip over the garbage cans’ and confront your trust issue. Their reaction and words will ultimately tell you all of the truth you are looking for. Then if he does not measure up to your expectations, do yourself a favor and drop him on the spot. There is no reason to continue to be miserable any longer. A face to face meeting with the ex girlfriend lover and him would be most ideal to get straight answers.
If he cannot be totally honest with you now, then perhaps he never will. You are a precious person, a lady nonetheless and you do not have to be treated like anything less. He can only continue to harm you, if you continue to allow him to do so. Be strong and if the shoe of your relationship does not fit, quit struggling and leave barefooted.
Have a most splendid day.
BobParticipantCongratulations Jasmine —
You are about to embark upon a world of opportunities beyond your wildest dreams. In todays world an education is an excellent commodity to have. I would look into an internship program in the field of your interest. The job market needs young people with a sense of direction for a career. These companies have educational benefits that will allow you to continue your education and have a solid place of employment at the same time.
The other side of the coin, is a four year degree, unemployed and 45k in debt. Now the party life at your local university appears to have the raised the cover charge at the door.
Celebrate, think about your career choice and be good to your self, Lady Jasmine. Walk in peace.
BobParticipantPeople who you thought of as a ‘good friend’ very often show their true colors when you may need them the most and they turn their backs on you. Unfortunately this does happen, but my reaction to this only complicated the problem. I would pile all the blame on myself and not face the truth for what it is. I know have a select number of true friends and I can count them on the fingers of both hands. Rain, shine, snow or a massive problem these eight friends WILL be there within minutes to help me.
If your friends do not measure up to your level of expectations, them dump them immediately. You will be doing yourself a favor when you do. Going into business without knowing who you can trust is tough, deceit, fraud pop their heads up if given the opportunity to do so. The friends you keep are a reflection of YOU, some people will only look at your friends and judge you accordingly.
Got real tired of basing my performance upon the ‘appreciation or approval of others’. To be quite honest, candid pats on the back and cold fish hand shakes do not motivate me. I would much rather have an honest somewhat silent person on my team, we can connect on a greater level of acheivement. Walk in peace.
BobParticipantGreetings Escoteric —
You basically told the story of my childhood and the relationship I once had with mom and dad. Eventually at the age of three, I would not have a home and I would be an orphan. Several life lessons fell into my life and I had to make some tough decisions on my own without any guidiance. In your current situation, YOU may also need to make some tough life changing decisions as well. 1) Relationships will continue to be a problem, simply because of how YOU see yourself. Once you have risen your own level of self value and esteem you will find a better selection of people. How you feel about YOURSELF as a lady is a strong indication of how OTHERS will see you as well. Never ever settle for SECOND best, or feel like you deserve an abusive relationship and give up on YOURSELF. 2) Be grateful for the courage and strength YOU have found to want to make a change. Keep going forward, the best is yet to come. 3) Being able to accept YOURSELF for who you are is a step in the right direction but you need to be able to FORGIVE yourself. To FORGIVE yourself will require that you bury all of your pain and suffering. For me as a child, PAIN and SUFFERING were my two best friends; so burying what I thought were GOOD friends was difficult. Once you can truly forive yourself, YOU will then be able to forgive others, even the ones who made your life miserable. 4) This is NOT the time to try and save someone else, YOU need to save YOURSELF first. This a part of that false illusion where YOU tell yourself, ‘I can make this work’. Before you know it, you are caught in the undertow of pain and suffering all over again. Next time the grip it has on you may be more than you can withstand. 5) Look for good things to happen to YOU. YOU are not a pioneer to an abusive relationship. YOU are no longer a victim, YOU are victorious and a survivor. YOUR entire being will be reborn and you will feel like living all over again. Walk in peace and be strong.
BobParticipantGreetings Breathing ~~~
From my own experience, I had to realize how much control I was freely giving up to my painful past. I was in a dark abyss and there was absolutely no one there to pull me out. Since it was me who fell into this dark hole, it would me to pull myself out. For awhile I had to start all over again, I got rid of all my negative friends and change the channel on my inner radio. I was able to find positive energy all around me and goodness began to flow inside of me.The biggest step was learning how to forgive myself for all of my flaws and imperfections. I was able to forgive all of the people who brought pain and suffering into my life and walk away from them. I make a choice everyday to do good not only for me but for others as well. Two years later I would be diagnosed as Bi-Polar2 and I still have highs and lows but I refuse to be defeated or lie down in a pit of self pity or shame.
Be good to yourself and allow love to consume you like a fire, then you can share that same love onto those around you. Be well and walk in peace.
BobParticipantI always put the needs and happiness of others before my very own. Focusing in on my own problems depresses me and I usually wait until the bottom drops out. Even then, my health issues or burdens do not receive the focus or attention I need to give them. I am in a cycle like a ferris wheel and do not know how to shut it off.
June 2, 2014 at 4:17 am in reply to: Who are you ? How did you become this person you call " myself" ? #57897BobParticipant1) Accept myself inspite of imperfections and flaws
2) Forgive myself, Forgive others who have brought pain into my life
3) Purge all negative energy, got rid of my old friends who only robbed me of happiness and joy
4) Remove hatred from my vocabulary and replaced it with ‘unconditional love’
5) Began committing random acts of kindness with reckless abandonment
6) Quit needing the approval of others
7) Live in the moment, because in the blink of an eye everything could change
8) Smile more often and enjoy my life
BobParticipantGreetings Nicole —
Here it is ‘Mothers’ Day’ weekend and memories of my mom continue to haunt me. Even in the very end, when illness would be victorious and her life would cease to be it remains bittersweet. But the best gift I gave to myself was telling mom and dad that I forgave them for their choices and that I still loved them. Because of their choice, I would be raised as an orphan and that bond between a son and his parents would never happen. Eventually I gave up my desire to have anything to do with them and I became quite bitter and hard-hearted towards not only them, but life as a whole. It would become an unseen weight that I carried with me, and it had the potential of destroying me from within.
But because of the acts of others, I found ‘forgiveness’ but the toughest person to forgive would be myself. When I was able to cut loose the straps of that weight off my shoulders, I became a whole new person. I will never regret learning how to accept and give ‘forgiveness’. It all begins with making a choice to walk away from your past, forgive those who have hurt you so deeply and learn how to live all over again. I truly want the very best for you, Nicole.BobParticipantAlways remain true to yourself, it is a balancing act where I work as well. I treat everyone the same, offering to each of them a helping hand without expecting anything in return. I do bite holes in my tongue when I really want to explode like a volcano but in the end I will be the one who looks like the bad employee.
I avoid all gossip circles, do not go to lunch with anyone because that stirs up unwanted opinions. I would never have a beer in an after hour setting because of the aftermath of idle talk.
I do not in anyway entertain relationships of a personal nature, have had several offers but I shoot them all down and walk away. Work and getting along with people can be very difficult, do not try working both sides to gain ‘brownie points’ that mount up to nothing.
Remain firm with your beliefs, keep it to yourself and do stir up the pot of discontent because it will boil over.
Be well and walk in peace.
April 18, 2014 at 7:14 am in reply to: How i fell in love with myself again after a year of loosing myself. #54988BobParticipantLuna ~~~
Through your words I felt such a glorious warm feeling, much like the sun when it has remained hidden for a few days or a cozy wool blanket on a bitter cold evening. Cherish the wisdom and the strength you have growing within yourself and the desire to become the YOU, you once knew and loved. Relationships with a significant other seem to blossom for awhile, even go to extreme periods of estacy and then fizzle out for no real good reason, I know that empty feeling much too well. Allow your heart to sing within your chest like a songbird high above in the trees, love yourself and celebrate life to the fullest. Simple random acts of kindness are now the fuel for my soul, I do them recklessly without looking for any reward or an uttered word of gratitude. I share kindness for only two reasons: 1) There is never enough kindness in the world and 2) I enjoy the way it makes me feel deep inside, happy because I do it.I totally admire how you have empowered yourself and broken free from the shackles of your past by moving forward. You chose to not become a roadside victim but a victorious young lady. You have discovered how the simple things that go unnoticed can bring joy to our hearts.
YOU have inspired me today and I appreciate your positive energy, it is contagious..
BobParticipantHello Stacy —
Being a bit off kilter and a bit complusive with my enrgy level, I consider this as being just a little odd and I learned to accept it. Little did I know but I would later be diagnosed with being bi-polar and it is not fun. Even after all these years, I remain cautious and aware of my mood swings. I do use minor doses of meds and a therapist to keep me level. The rollercoaster ride to hell is a constant shadow and it is always close by and I do have to be extremely careful with my reactive personality traits.
Many people who also suffer as I do, cannot hold down a job, relationship or be social stable and many are in controlled enviromental facilities. With that knowledge, I am truly happy to have done as well as I have. Tomorrow my chemical imbalance could go haywire and I will have to take some preventive measures to ensure my safety and those around me. In a moment I could take an unexpected stumble but I will be focused and not fall down.
Be careful and walk in peace…BobParticipantGreetings Moodring ~~~
If SHE is truly a good friend, someone you have known for a long period of time; then you know some of HER flaws or shortcomings. Most likely you can do things much better than SHE can physically. Perhaps you have a ‘green thumb’ and can grow just about anything. YOU maybe an abstract artist, a fashion designer, a lover of bluegrass music, the performing arts or even the theatre. When you learn how to see beyond just ‘face value’ you will discover what true beauty truly is.
Become a confident, elegant lady who can stand alone on HER own two feet with HER head held up high. The compliments and adoration will fall upon you like soft raindrops. Be well and always wear a smile as you walk in peace.BobParticipantGreetings Sassypants ~~~
No, it is never normal to fall into an abyss or be caught up in the undertow of dark powerful forces that will only serve to rob YOU of YOUR true potential and joy for life. Unfortunately this condition can be quite the illusion for what it truly is, I at one time did find a degree of comfort there because I had just about given up on any hope of being rescued. In fact I had reached the lowest level of ‘DOWN’ where the only way I could look was ‘UP’. No one was there to lower a rope to pull me out; in the depths of my own self-dug hole of misery a hero would not appear out of no where. The person who had gotten me into this quagmire was the only ONE who would come to my rescue and that was ME.
As Hee, has pointed out it all begins with our thought process which will ultimately guide the actions we will choose to take. Our thoughts are the fibers that determine who we as individuals will become and the choices that we will make.
Feelings the way YOU do does not in any way make YOU a pioneer, which is excellent news and should give YOU hope in its self because these same people are no longer victims but are now victorious. Asking for help is a sign of true strenght and I admire you for taking that positive step. As in anything worth doing it takes small steps going FORWARD and looking onto the next level of success, because DEEP DOWN inside YOU know YOU can do it.
Take care of yourself and walk onward in peace. -
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