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HParticipant
Hi Anita
My evidence is that…
Funnily enough my councillor asked me this and I paused…
She told me I light up when I speak about him. Know reflecting on this I do have an answer…
I love him because whenever I’ve needed someone he’s always been there. I would happily give him all my time if it meant that it would make him happy. Even when he’s being off with me or moody, I don’t take to heart and don’t see the flaws. He’s always on my mind and when he’s not there I have to cuddle a teddy bear that he picked out for me just because it gives me some peace.
When I say I do love him….due to the nature of the relationship, a lot of my friends have said it’s not possible to love someone you’ve not met
Hope that makes sense!
Thanks
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
I panick a lot but do love him.
That’s fine, I’ll expand. Having CBT as well
1. Love- immediately his name comes in to my mind. I’ve failed him and don’t want him to think I don’t love him because I do.
2. Hate- I hate myself for ruining everything I can never leave anything alone until I’ve ruined it. I hope he doesn’t hate me.
3. Guilt- I wish I’d never lied in the first place and now I’m trapped in that lie.
4. Change- I want to change my ways, I don’t like feeling like this. I want to change for myself and also show him i can because he thinks i can’t
5. Lost- I feel so lost in general. I feel lost because he was my safety net, always there and now everything is so blurry that I’m not sure if he’ll forgive me.
I’ve tried to be as detailed as possible
Thanks!
HParticipantHi Anita
I understand but I just sent them because firstly I panicked, secondly I thought I needed to explain myself. I promise they came from a place of love but I’ve not sent anymore and won’t.
My thoughts can be quite extreme sometimes
1. Love
2. Hate
3. Guilt
4. Change
5. Lost
Thanks!
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
I’ve never really corrected them, always diverted them or pushed them to one side. So for example when my nan recently passed away I just diverted every thought I had and didn’t correct it.
I never really see it like that. Feel like I have a lot of love to give but my actions allow it to be misinterpreted. I do appreciate his efforts, they did work, which is where the crying comes in as I would never want him to think I didn’t appreciate it. Yes, all I can do now is leave him be as I can’t control someones thoughts or replies
Thanks
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
Yeah I need to look after myself and divert my thoughts when they get bad. Hopefully it improves.
I don’t want to happened to me in the last five minutes, but all this exhaustion came over me and just started crying uncontrollably. I just love him so much.
I am taking everything on board that you’re saying, don’t want you to think you’re wasting your time. You’ve been wonderful!
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
1. Correct- I hope I slowly begin to realise this and start control my emotions over this
2. Again I hope I realise this as well. I have no control over others feelings and need to keep on telling myself that. If I break out of the circle, I know I’ll feel happier and have more control over my thinking.
Thanks
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
Never thought it like that. I suppose rationally thinking there is no harm to me. The harm I see is towards them, I don’t want them to be affected by their anger towards me.
When someone stops communicating with me, the harm there lies in me thinking again that I’ll fall into my depressive habits and I won’t be able to cope without them. I feel I’ve harmed them by sucking the life out of them
Thanks
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
Yeah my fear is their anger is hurting me. So because of me being scared about my friends anger yesterday, I’ve not really had anything to eat and I’ve stayed in bed, on Google looking up ways to make it right. Don’t really suffer from eating problems now, yes like to say I have the occasional day were I won’t eat until I know the person I’ve made angry is ok.
Thanks
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
My friend at uni, his anger hurt me emotionally because all I ever did was help him and care for him. Yes it can be desperate constantly messaging out but I just got used to him.
Another one, my best friend at uni stopped talking to me. Her anger hurt me because I love her a lot and I just wanted her to think of that.
Since the first occurance I’ve just held onto the fact that I make people angry. I fear if I make them angry they’ll leave me which is happened again
Hope that makes sense
H
HParticipantHi Anita
Yeah you’re right, I know it won’t. I don’t know how to stop sometimes. The problem that is fuelling my current obsession is probably guilt, fear of loss, being misunderstood and love. So for example fear of anger is a big one right now hence the desperation to get advice on my current situation.
Thanks!
Harminder
HParticipantHi Anita
I was actually doing quite well over the past two weeks, wasn’t being obsessive and was just really working on myself. Then I had a moment of madness which erased all my hard work and I feel though my friend is punishing me for it. I’ve actually been attending psychotherapy and slowly working through my problems as it’s becoming an issue.
Just had the worst night in a few weeks, constantly staring my screen and looking online regarding what to say.
Thanks!
HParticipantHi Anita
Sorry me again!
I’ve gotten myself in a situation with my friend ( my online friend ). I basically followed his cousin by accident on a social media account, and before I could rectify my mistake, my friend found out and we got into a heated argument. I know it sounds like a small thing to do but he’s been getting really agitated with me for the past few months and this was just did it. He told me to leave him and his family alone- I would never wish them any harm and it was just a stupid mistake. I didn’t help myself by telling him it wasn’t me. I’ve never lied to him before but he was already so angry, I was trying to diffuse the situation. Not sure what to do now.
Any advice will be greatfull
I
HParticipantHi Anita
Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t have hesitated before. I will definitely take this forward though and communicate better.
Thanks
H
HParticipantHi Anita
I totally understand where you are coming from. I should have said the two other girls we knew- one was just a beauty therapist that we both went to and the other was a girl that never really liked me (neither of us were friends with her). I never spoke about her to anyone…
The only other person involved was our mutual friend, who told me I should try reaching out to her again and also her boyfriend. It’s not usually something I should do but he was quite adamant I should explain myself and tell her the truth
Yeah its hard to accept sometimes as it’s really something over nothing.
Thanks
H
HParticipantHi Anita
She blocked me in june/july. I thought it was because of me always talking about our mutual friend but last month I found out it was because she thought I had been bitching about her to two other girls we knew
Thanks
H
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