Hi Anita

Thank you for your reply. Really appreciate the advice.
I have been in good psychotherapy which has really helped me. I don’t see myself obsessing as much, the control issues are still somewhat there but working on slowly.
Thanks, H

Hi Anita

Sorry for the late reply, I don’t seem to get notifications!

I have been getting out more, managed to make it to the hairdressers a few weeks ago and spent time shopping. Other than that I have therapy going on as well. Saw my friends couple of weeks ago which was nice

Yes, I began to prefer it as I found i could be myself completely. I rarely would eat a lot of food in front of people in public but with my friend I could easily just talk to him and eat a copious amount of food. It had a sense of security about it. I never really liked the way I looked, but my friend got me comfortable in my own skin.

It’s been three months now and we’re still not talking. I’m exhausted from grovelling and now I know I have to leave it to him. Talked about it a lot in therapy, how love manifests in different ways. Had to admit that neither of us knew what we meant to each other which is probably why there were so many broken boundaries along the way.

Hope you are well

Thanks for the reply Jayjay, I will reply in awhile. Don’t want to give you a half hearted reply.

Hi Anita

Yeah I loved her very much. I have a few photos but really struggle to look at them. I feel like I should have grieved by now but I’ve been in the same loop for over severn months. I keep on thinking about my friend Diana, how she left me on the same week as well. It’s harder to accept because she’s still alive. Is it wrong of me to want to closure? I wish I was one of those people who didn’t care about things so much, it would be easier but instead I feel every little emotion.

I have been getting some fresh air but not as often as I should. Just taking it one step at a time

Hi Anita

Not sure what to do. Keep on trying to fix things with my two friends but failing. Just lost all my energy. It’s been six months now since my nan passed away and I just feel like everyone is leaving me. I know it’s probably ideal to let things go but struggling.

Hope you’re well

Thanks

Harminder

Hi Anita

I ended up sending it by mistake as I was saving it to my drafts. I hope I’ve not ruined everything now. I do respect what he asked if me and I just feel like I’ve proven him right.

Thanks

Hi Anita,

Thanks you’re a star! I’ve pasted it below

‘I can’t stop crying thinking that you’re mad at me and would never want me to talk to you again. Just keep on thinking if a me asking you for food will fix everything but I know it won’t this time. Don’t know what to say to say right now and to make you believe how sorry I am for the hurt and drama I’ve caused you. Whatever happened last week was the stupidest thing I’ve done and you were right to be that angry at me. I feel even more disgusting for lying to you- it was never my intention to lie to you ever and some how in the moment it happened because I know how messed up what I did was. I’ve never lied to you before and I don’t know why I did it now. I did make that account on Thursday night- I was talking to my friend about how I had an online friend and they said it was all in my imagination and I had made it all up. I reacted the wrong way, and acted weak, and made an account to look up your account. I knew how messed it up is, so I was going to delete it on the Friday but I had to rush to work and forgot about it. I didn’t realize I had added your cousin until you mentioned it that evening. I know I should I have told you all this then but you were so angry, I didn’t know what to do to calm you down. I didn’t have an ulterior motive, it was just a moment of stupidity and something I do regret.
I’ve only ever cared about you and know I am scared that you won’t talk to me again over this. Give me a chance to make it up you in any way I can. I love you more than I sometimes show, and only ever wanted to make you happy. ‘

Hi Anita

Thank you so much for talking to me. I felt so alone and low all weekend and you’ve helped me get through these past two days.

Thanks!

Harminder

Hi Anita

Yeah he never saw that but he did say once I was way too reliant on him for happiness. That I was happy when he was around but not when he wasn’t. I did tell him as well how happy he made me.

I guess another piece of evidence could be that I was willing to meet up with his brother who didn’t really like me.

You’re right- if it makes happy I won’t contact him and I actually haven’t since yesterday.

Thanks

Harminder