Dear anita,

Im sorry that i didn’t respond sooner to your post. I didn’t have a lot of free time.

I read your answers on this two-page threat and advice that you give to other people are really helpful. I read a lot of articles about HOCD which were really informative and i saw that i have most of the symptoms.

But there is still a big part of me who is struggling with all of this. It is not like it was before, I don’t cry or feel like I did, but i still feel scared and sad when i start thinking about it. For an example, I don’t watch videos where girls are in ( it sound weird) because the first thing that i think about is :” Am i attracted to them?”,” Do i like them?” and then i feel sad and kinda anxious. Another example, few days ago my sister asked me if i wanted to go out with her and her friend. I immediately started to think:” What if i see a girl and i feel attracted to her”. These similar question i ask myself everyday “Do i look or seem like im gay?”, I even try to read books to see if im aroused… I usually try to distract myself by watching things that make me feel happy but even that can’t help me. I started to go out with my friends and that keeps my mind away from all of this but sometimes would still think if im gay. I especially do that when i come back home and i analyze everything. I have read that its best to stop avoiding the situation and face to the problem but i just can’t do it, Im terrified.

I don’t know if im bothering you because i already asked you three times for your help on this website. It just that i don’t know who should i ask for help.

Thank you again in advance.

Marta

hello!

im going through a similar problem. Basically it started 4 months ago. I was talking about my sister about sexuality ( i was then 100% sure that im straight) and she asked if i was bi and i said i wasn’t and she said if i was it would be weird and she wouldn’t like it (something like that). After the conversation I couldn’t sleep that night cause i was questioning myself “what if im bi or gay” and i started crying and i didn’t know what to do so i called my brother to sleep in my room because i couldn’t calm down. And from that day on i just felt sad and i would cry every time when i would think about my sexuality. I stopped hanging out with my friends and i don’t go out with them anymore because when come back home i question if i have a crush on one of my friends (girls) and i would cry about it. I talked to people about it and everyone said that questioning your sexuality is normal and that there is nothing wrong whit being gay, bi… and i know that. I always supported the lgbt+ community and i never judged anyone cause of their sexual orientation but when i question my sexuality i always cry. This might be confusing, but i don’t even know my feelings. I don’t know if im attracted to girls or even guys i just don’t know what feelings are anymore. I still don’t feel the same towards the same sex like i feel towards the opposite (i think), every time when i would think about being with girls my chest feels tight my heart starts beating and my stomach feels weird, which mostly leads to me crying after, but when i think about guys i feel calm and easier. But i don’t know if that feeling towards girls means that  i like them too or that i have some type of an anxiety attack. I just don’t know why i can’t stop thinking about my sexuality after the talk with my sister because i remember before that i would talk to my friend who is a girl about her crush on a girl from our class and if i would question myself about my sexuality then i would always know that im straight and that i never had crush on the same sex. So i don’t know why my talk with my sister triggered all of this thoughts, it might be because we are in a lockdown cause of covid-19 and i have a lot of free time to think about everything, i dn’t know.

Im just really confused and i feel awful because i don’t know if im not straight or if im just overthinking it. Before when all of this started i have had a lot of problems with stress, overthinking and analyzing every detail in my life and it would usually lead to me crying, snapping and insulting myself or other people. Maybe all of this is because of my overthinking or it just might be that im actually bi.

I thought about going to therapy but i can’t go alone cause im a minor. I don’t feel like myself anymore and i had messed up dark thoughts but i don’t know if i need a therapist or all of this will just go away. I want to tell my mom about what has been going on because i feel like she can help me but if i tell her about my problems with questioning my sexuality she would probably be mad. She is really religious and she never really excepted the lgbt+ community so i don’t know if that is a good idea. I want everything to be like it was before all of this but i know if that can’t happen because life isn’t easy and we have to go through every thing no matter how messed up all of this is, but i just want my life back

I want to apologize if something here isn’t grammatically correct, english is not my first language. And i want to apologize if i offended anybody with my words. It was never my intention to hurt somebody by this.

• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This reply was modified 4 years, 4 months ago by tinybuddha.