Hello Zach! First of all, we all experience difficult and confusing times. You are not unique in this. Your biggest problem is not that you have burnt all your bridges. Your biggest problem is that you believe that you are the center of what is going on. We cannot possibly know or understand everything that is going on in the world let alone change it. Therefore, we cannot possibly make truthful statements about what is or isn’t going to happen or even what any particular phenomenon or circumstance means. Believing that we can know these things or do know these things is problematic for several reasons. First of all, the organ that is our brains, is wired to think in black and white terms. This is because its job is to sort and classify the myriad forms of information that we can be aware of. However, it’s conclusions should not be relied upon to decide our inherent worth or to hinder our willingness to experience life on life’s terms; it is especially annoying when it constricts us in a way that we feel hopeless. It is great at balancing a checkbook but very limited when it comes to experiencing spiritual truths. A compassionate heart is better for those tasks.We all make mistakes. Granted, sometimes the consequences of these mistakes can be difficult to experience. But they are just circumstances. More important to remember is that our attitudes about circumstances can mean the difference between suffering(a state of mind)and acceptance(a spiritual attitude). Having struggled with addiction myself I know that trying to control outcomes was a continual source of suffering for me and would result in all kinds of self-destructive and eventually very isolating behavior. I was continually trying to control my feelings, other peoples perceptions and opinions of me, how people treated me, etc, etc. Ironically, the more I tried to control everything, the more I was controlled by everything. I think it can be instructive to notice that you have been inspired by power, wealth and good relationships. I can’t help but wonder if what these ideals meant to you was Control. It is paradoxical, but I have found that the more I work on learning how to accept what I am aware of, the more I experience peace and happiness and isn’t that the motivation for wanting to control anyway? Also, as my acceptance increases, my awareness increases which has the benefit of allowing me to see more possibilities and solutions to various circumstantial problems. I experience more energy and less fear when I am accepting what is going on in my awareness. At some point I had to accept my limitations and come to terms with my mistakes. For a long time I thought this meant that I was a horrible person, beyond help, or that I needed additional ‘punishment’, treatment, etc. I vividly remember believing I was a sociopath. For me, I believe I was casting around for some definition of myself and my circumstances–something that I could explain it all away with. But in the end, for me, it was just another attempt at control. We all have a sociopath side, because we all have an animal side. Many people choose to develop that side to the exclusion of all else. And it has its satisfactions. But it also has its consequences. That you are even struggling with that side of yourself could indicate that you have an awareness or intuition that there is more to you than your predatory side. Accept it all, watch it change into something else, ask for help and do the best you can in any given moment. Be honest about what is going on so that you can make corrections as needed. Accept with humility your limitations so that you don’t have to be humiliated.